How Should I Hate You?(boyxboy)

Kise

Kise p.o.v

Yep this side is all about me. After school I went to a photo shoot that was highly recommended that I showed up from my manager. After the job I messaged Kurokochii to meet up. Of course he didn't messaged me back. After the whole incident he must have felt terrible. I felt horrible when I remember what I did to him. I let my selflessness get the best of me.  I couldn't control myself there.  I knew that I had to give Kurokochii some time to think things through. I apologized multiple times when I saw him at school, but all I get from him is absolute silence.  Even I can feel that he is angry with himself at practice. He seems all distracted and timid. As if he was scared of something or someone. I didn't want things to be this way. All I want at this point was to be with him. That is all I ask of him. to play basketball. I feel like I have damaged his character and I have no idea what to do.  I head back home and took a quick shower. I ate a light meat and lay down in bed to see for any messages.  Zero messages were shown. I sighed and turned off the light. 

my head was filled with thoughts and guilt.  It was already late and I just couldn't find my spot in my bed.  Images of Kurokochii laying down on the gyms lockers where in my head. All defenseless and vulnerable.  Akashichii's words were repeated  in my head about teaching him a lesson. His moans turned me on so bad. 

"Stop" I said to myself.  I sat right up and I felt hot. I removed the blankets to find out I was hard. I signed. 

I lay back down and I began to touch myself. I was stroking and moaning the name of Kurokochii Ah~ Ah~  Kuroko~ chii~

I remembered the scene where I thrusted kurokochii. His fragil body and his soft skin. "I can't stop". Kurokochii~ Kurokochii~  

(Squirt)

Before I realized it, I came.  I looked at my hands and I felt disappointed in myself.  I cleaned after myself and lay down again.  I'm an idiot. I'm such a horrible friend. I've thought of forcibly making him my again and again after the whole situation back at the school lockers. 

"I'm so sorry Kurokochii. I'm sorry." 

I woke up with bags under my eyes. my manager was going to be mad at me if he finds out I didn't take care of myself properly.  I dressed up and head out. On my way to the school gates I see Murasakibarachii. He can be spotted so quick. I catch up to him and we discuss about the next game we will have. I got to my class and everyone came up to me so quick. It's always been like this. I have many friends and I get along with anyone. I sat down and the professor comes in. 

Of course , I couldn't focus. I was falling asleep. Lunch took forever to arrive, I wanted to see him today. Kurokochii was my motivation for everything. He was different from others and before I knew it I fell in love with him.  I was rejected before and if I ask him out again I will be rejected again. I didn't want to rush things with him, but I wasn't the patience  type either. I went to his classroom and he wasn't at his seat. I asked a couple of his classmates, but no-one  knew who I was referring to. Kurokochii wasn't the popular type. I had a clue to where he must have been. My best bet was that he was Midorimachii.  I messaged him again and again. I knew he was seeing my messages. So why wasn't he answering me? I was getting annoyed.  I went back to my classmates and I joined in. Lunch was over and class commence.  Basketball was the best time for me.  I went to the locker room and saw kurokochii there. He was undressing and I froze. We both looked at each other. He then turned around and he put on his shirt and went past down right beside me. I felt hurt. I wanted to discuss with him, but I couldn't find the right words to say. 

" Hey, I regret touching you inappropriately even though you said no? or Hey I'm sorry I couldn't help it?  Um, no maybe ...I, I still have feelings for you. This was harder that I expected.  Akashi blew the whistle  and told us the game plan for tomorrows game. We practiced nonstop and for some reason Akashi was not having it. People kept doing their own thing and there was no teamwork at all. 

We were all in our own worlds. I wasn't having it either. I wasn't even focused in the game at all. Either way we still won so I wasn't worried to begin with.  Akashi decided to end the practice and let everyone go home. He then called me out and said to met up with him. I went towards him and he asked what was going on with me? 

I didn't wanted to tell Akashi the truth, but I definetly didn't want to lie to him either. 

"Nothing. I just couldn't sleep last night. That's all." I then laughed it off. 

He wasn't laughing with me. "It's obvious that you are distracted. This doesn't have to do with Tetsuya right? "

"W-What? no. no. Nothing to do with him." I laughed again. 

"I hope so. Tetsuya isn't physically strong nor emotionally either. I don't want you to be involved with him outside of practice. I need you focused and ready for the upcoming game Ryouta. I can't have you get distracted with someone as Tetsuya or I'll have you out of the game."

Akashi then left me standing there staring at the floor. I signed. I knew he was going to find out about me.  I had to get these feeling of me solved up. I had to talk with him. I needed to clear things up. I ran up to the locker rooms, but there was nobody there. I got changed and ran home. I catched up with Kurokochii, but apprently he was Midorimachii. I didn't want to interupt, but I had to speak with Kurokochii. Once they went their own sepreate ways I went up Kurokochii. I grabbed his arm and stopped him. 

"I have to speak with you" I said breathless.

"Let go of me Kise kun" kuroko said angrily.

"Just let me say something to you. Then I won't bother you any longer. I promise."

..."Fine. Just let go of me. You're hurting me." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was hurting you. Um, could we speak at your place? " I asked.

... "I don't think that's a good idea Kise Kun." Kuroko said as he looked away.

"I won't do anything okay. I just need to talk to you. " I said desperately.

"Okay." 

I went in and sat down at his living room.   He then sat down in front of me. Staring at me.

"Um, well where do I begin. hahaha um well, I feel like you have distance yourself from me. I wanted to apologize for what I've done at the school locker room. I know what I did was wrong. I want  us to be like we used to. I want to talk to you like we did before.  I know that you don't like me. Perhaps you even hate me as well and I can understand that, but I came all the way over here to tell you that I, ..I-  I acknowledge you. ..(That wasn't what I wanted to say) . I well, I want to um, (sign)...Kurokochii, "

I looked away from him and blushed.

"I, love you."  I then looked at him and he just stood there silently. 

"Um, I know that you may have already known , but I just had to say it again.  I don't want a response right now, but I would like one."

There was nothing but silence. 

"So what? Kuroko said. You want me to accept your feelings just because you apologized for your actions?  I don't like you Kise Kun.  I already rejected you once. How many times do I have to tell you so you can understand?" Could you please stop messaging me? I need some space Kise Kun. I don't want to remember what happed that day. I can't focus in my studies and I feel suffecated Idon't want to hear from you any longer. " Kuroko said angrily while covering his eyes. his voice was cracking up while saying these words.

Kurokochii....my intentions weren't to make you feel this way. I want you to be happy Kurokochii.  (Sign) I got up and head towards the door. Look, I meant what I said, but if you really want me to leave you alone I will. 

I closed the door and my legs were  weak. my tears were running down my face. I ran home and closed the door and slide behind the door. I began to cry. 

I messed things up. I made things worse. I'm at fault.  After a while I carried myself up and took a long shower and went to sleep.