One Step Closer (Sequel to OSAAT)

Chapter Forty-Three

As I walked into the dorm room, I was greeted by Ali standing with her arms awkwardly pressed against her sides. We awkwardly stared at one another and I walked away from her, not wanting to talk to her.

"Can we please talk about this?" Ali asked, her voice frail. I sighed and stopped walking away. I turned around and looked up at her.

"Go ahead, talk away." I knew I was being hateful, but I just wanted her to realize she had gone to far this time. She sighed and looked down.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I continued to stare at her and when I didn't respond to her, she looked at me. "I'm so sorry, Lauren. And I'm not just sorry about what I did last night, I'm sorry for all that I've put you through since, what? Junior year? I'm just sorry, okay? I don't know how you put up with me continuously, but I'm forever grateful and I really hope you can forgive me for this, too." She sighed, but my expression remained solid as she apologized. "Do I need to apologize for that one time?"

"What one time?" I asked, now curious.

"Senior year... when I took you to that-"

"Ali, no, we don't talk about that."

"Well, I'm still sorry about it. I'm sorry that I took you to a sex party and set you up with a guy. I'm sorry that you had to put up with that Ali all throughout high school even though you're obviously the most innocent person I've ever met."

"I'm not innocent! Just because I'm a virgin, which is okay to be at nineteen, if you wanted to know, does not mean I'm innocent. It doesn't mean I've not had certain... 'fantasies', it just means that I haven't had sex. That's all it means." I crossed my arms, more annoyed now than I had been.

"Okay, fine, I'm obviously not helping my situation." She sighed and we stared at one another for a second. "I'm just really sorry, okay?" Her voice cracked as she spoke and I finally sighed, giving in to her apology.

"I can't just tell you it's okay, Ali..." I sighed and looked up at her. "I can't keep letting you hurt me and tell you I'm okay with it, because I'm not. I've never been okay with any of it."

"Lauren, I'm sor-"

"No, I don't want to hear that anymore. Do you even know what you're apologizing for? Really? Because that sex party was probably the most okay I've been with all of this. That was amusing, to say the least, because once I got there, I was not the only one who didn't know what they were getting into. That didn't hurt me, that just kind of pissed me off. I want you to apologize for the things that actually hurt me, Ali. Like, sleeping with my boyfriend for the entire time I dated him. You didn't even admit to that. He told me. And for an entire year, you didn't even mention it. You were never going to apologize for that, because you didn't realize I was ever going to find out." I sighed and wiped my eyes as they started to feel up with tears. "You just left me, a lot." The tears finally made their appearance and I sighed. "You were never around and I don't even know how many times I had to cover for you even when I knew all I was doing was encouraging you to do the stuff you were doing."

"Lauren, I'm sorry, for everything. I don't know how else to say it. I know I've put you through a lot, I do, and I'm so sorry for that. If I could take it back, I would."

"Would you?" I asked her while staring at her. "Would you take back all the times you slept with random guys who could've been way older than you?"

"Lauren..."

"No, you wouldn't."

"I didn't say that, did I? Yes, I wish I could take it back. If it meant our friendship wouldn't be so rocky when it came to certain subjects, I would take it back in a heartbeat." I looked at her and she looked back at me. "I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around her and she did the same to me. "I'm sorry for Dalton, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that, and I can't believe you're actually forgiving me for that. I'm sorry for leaving you to hang out with Austin while I made out with guys I shouldn't have ever been acquainted with. And I'm sorry that I'm still the same person." I looked at Ali, breaking away from our embrace.