Fighter

Chapter 9

After spending some time with the unit, and watching Jay grab his jacket and head out early, she was saying goodbye to the unit. She promised she would be back to visit soon. She and Olivia headed back to their hotel rooms for the evening.

She parted ways and entered her own next door and flopped down onto the bed, closing her eyes just taking in the day. He hadn't spoken a single word to her. She hadn't expected him to be so angry. Hurt? Sure, but not angry. Shaking her head at the thought, she stood and decided on a shower. The weight of the emotions of the last three days finally broke her, as she sat down on the shower floor and the warm water spray hit her, the tears fell with it. She refused to cry at all, but seeing everyone today pushed her over the edge, and she couldn't hold it in any longer. Letting it all out on her own was therapeutic, she realized as she finished her shower and climbed into the hotel blankets.

She had only been out for an hour, when there was a knock on her door. Confused, and still extremely groggy from being awoken, she trudged toward the door, pulling it open. Nothing could have prepared her for Jay standing there. "Jay? How did you know where I was staying?" She asked, suddenly self conscious, she crossed her arms. He pushed past her and entered the room, beginning to pace.

She knew this wasn't going to be pretty, so she closed the door  and chose to sit back on her bed, watching him practically walk a hole in the floor. He stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply. "I kept asking myself, why it wasn't enough to keep you here. Me, I mean." He said so quietly, she almost didn't hear him. "I know I needed some time, and it wasn't fair to you, having to deal with the whole marriage thing. I'll never not be sorry for that. But why? Why didn't you stay? We could've sorted things out." He yelled. Still not having looked at her. She was convinced he hated her that much, to the point he couldn't even face her. "Jay. I'm sorry, things were just so complicated and it wasn't a quick fix anymore. They were going to take my badge." "So why now? Why come back now?" His voice still loud, and his piercing blue eyes were sinking into her. She shrugged. "I have some things to take care of, that I can't in New York." He was silent. "Like what?" "Jay, I really can't right now. Please, just not now." The emotions were beginning to rise in her and she was certain if she didn't get him out of here, that dam would break once more.

"We can talk later, I'm in town for awhile, but just...not now." His posture sagged, ever so slightly as he realized there was no conversation going to happen tonight. "I'm sorry. I didn't come here to yell, not really. I just needed some answers." A lump formed in her throat, as she internally battled telling him the truth. It's not that she didn't think he deserved to know, she was still just coming terms with it herself. She promised she'd tell him, soon. "It's okay. I understand, and the yelling is already forgiven. I have a busy morning ahead of me, so could we catch up later?" The sleepiness seeped into her very bones at this point and she just wanted her head on a pillow. He nodded, and she walked behind him to the door, lifting a hand his stubbled cheek. "Thank you for coming by. I promise we'll talk. Okay?" He said goodnight to her and she locked the doors deadbolt behind her, only to drag herself back to the bed.