Fighter

Chapter 31

This is going to be a long one, enjoy!

The next few weeks had brought a lot of check ins for her port, as the pains had not subsided - worrying Voight and Jay slightly, as they watched her struggle. Dr. Hanley had assured them it was fine, but she would continue to check in to make sure.

Erin's mood had since bottomed out and she just didn't want to see anyone. She was moody, and exhausted even when she slept most of the day. The chemo wasn't just wiping out the cancer, it was wiping out Erin. She hated that she had virtually no appetite, or tolerance for human interaction after missing everyone so much and enjoying the company the first week and a half of treatment. It confused her, and everyone around her when the switch flipped and she just wanted to lay in the dark and be miserable, alone. She was tired of having to play the 'I'm fine guys' card, even in knowing she didn't have to, she didn't want them worrying any more than she could see on their faces, she couldn't handle it. She had no extra energy to spare since the second cycle, and all she wanted to do was as sleep. However, due to a very persistent Mia, she remained engaged in something every day she could.

The final break came one evening when she had taken to the bathroom, and began brushing out the tangles starting to form at the back of her head. As she pulled back the brush, her heart dropped.
Erin stared down at the locks of hair clumped in her brush. She ran her hand through and pulled back, her hand filled with hair and once more, glanced at the brush. Tears welled in her eyes as she unclenched her fist, watching it fall down into the sink in front of her. Looking into the mirror at herself, looking so sickly with dark circles beneath her eyes, the prominent weight loss from vomiting, and now the small patches where the hair was no longer attached to her head, it was all proving to be too much.

A knock on the door startled her. "Erin, you okay in here?" Kim's voice sounded, and the door slid open revealing her now very distraught friend. "Oh, Erin." She dropped the brush down into the hair clumped sink and lowered her head, gripping onto the edge of the porcelain basin as her shoulders shook. "You know, I never used to be so vain that I would find myself crying over hair. HAIR. Of all things." She cried out. The anguish in her voice pulled on Kim's heart, as she walked further into the small space to envelop her into a hug. However, Erin wasn't having it. "I'm fine, I just needed that out of my system." She whispered, grabbing at the toilet tissue to wipe her nose. "Being upset over hair, doesn't make you vain. It makes you human. A human going through something so hard. I'd be sad too." Kim said softly. Erin said nothing, as she tossed the tissue in the bin.
Abandoning the mess of her hair, she held onto Kim and pulled the I.V along as she made her way back to the bed. Being so sick and so tired all of the time, made even a simple walk across the room a task. She pulled the mix of blankets back over herself and stared at the window. She could only see the sun beginning to set as the sky tinged of pinks, oranges and slightly purple filled the view. She missed the outside world, not that she had even been here long. Just over a month wasn't long at all, but to Erin - who was used to a hustle and bustle lifestyle, being trapped in a hospital was not her cup of tea.
"You feel like doing anything?" Kim asked suddenly, as she tapped away on her phone screen but Erin's eyes stayed on the glass, remaining silent as if she hadn't even heard her. "Kim, I have a favor to ask." "Anything." She gave Erin her full, individed attention. "I need you to pick up a shaver for me." Kim looked unsure. "I'm going to lose it all anyway, I just want to rip the bandaid off." She stated with a hard to read expression. "Please, Kim." She whispered, her voice shook in a very unlike Erin way. Then again, she hadn't been their Erin for the last few weeks. Kim stood and nodded, heading for the door, passing Mia as she did so. "Everything okay?" Kim shook her head, tears in her eyes. "I shouldn't be crying. It's not me with cancer. I just-" she covered her mouth as a son tried to escape. Mia opened her arms and gave Kim a tight hug. "You're allotted your own time to be upset. I've seen a lot of tears shed from family members, it's normal. You have someone you love going through something really traumatic and hard right now. Seeing that does a number on anyone, even us hospital staff." Kim sniffed and pulled back, wiping at the tears. "She asked me to get her a shaving tool." Mia nodded again. "Her hair started falling out two days ago when I was assisting her to the shower, but she's been so tired I didn't think she had noticed it. Luckily, we have one here for patients. Do you need me to help her, or will you be okay?" "I think, I think I can do it. Would you sit in with us?" Mia smiled and went behind the nurses desk a few feet away to grab the shaving kit before they went back to Erin's room. Her back faced them and she was curled into a ball beneath the blankets. "Erin? It's Mia. I brought a shaver to help." This had Erin trying to sit up almost immediately, and turning her exhausted face toward them. "Thank you."

They helped her into the bathroom and Mia stood aside as Kim took over. The buzzing of the tool was the only sound that carried through the small room. Erin wrapped up in the throw blanket from Voight's living room, was stoically staring at the wall as if it were the most interesting thing here. They all remained quiet until Kim finished. She helped Erin stand up and faced the mirror. Erin examined her now bare head from side to side. Running a partially blanket covered hand over it, and suddenly the sadness was far removed. She cracked a smile, and began to laugh. Mia and Kim exchanged a look as she continued to laugh. Laughing until tears spilled down her cheeks. "I now belong to the same club as Mr.
Clean." She said turning to them, and they all shared a laugh together.

Later that evening, before visitation was over, Kim had said goodnight to Erin and put away the card game they had been playing as Voight entered, carrying his overnight bag. "Burgess." He nodded. She had texted him earlier to explain the whole situation that had gone down. He had since rummaged through the basement and found something to help. Once Kim was gone, and Erin's last check in with Mia was over, Voight sat next to her in the chair beside her bed. Pulling out the box from his bag. "I hope these help make this new situation a little easier." He handed it to her, watching the confusion turn to tears as she opened it and pulled the fabrics out. "You held onto her scarves?" "I held onto everything, kid. I'm sure she's up there putting in a good word to help get you through this, too." Erin pulled the multicolored scarf out and began wrapping it around her head, and just sat there, eyes closed. "You okay?" "I am now." She said, leaning over to hug him. "Thank you for being the best father figure I could have ever asked for." She whispered.