All is Fair in Love and War||Sokeefe fanfic

Remembering

Biana's Pov

It's been more than a month since the whole Halloween fiasco, nobody really knows if Fitz and Linh have broken up, Sokeefe is still together, Tylie is still together, Marella is still single, and I am still heartbroken. Every time I see the twins or his parents I get this feeling, like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I try my best to babysit as much as I can though. The more I'm around them the more they remind me of him. They have his same beautiful strawberry blonde hair, his periwinkle eyes. Rex has his lopsided smile, Lex has his sense of humor, and Bex has his gift of knowing the perfect things to say.

Sophie gave me a journal. It's the same color as his eyes with a gear on it. I write letters to him every night, I talk about how I can still hear his voice, see his face, and smell his coppery scent. Sometimes I go into his room, I lay in his closet, all of his tunics surrounding me. It makes me scared to think that one day his voice might fade from my ears, his face might disappear from my memories. Everyone always talks about finding their soulmates, their missing half. I never used to believe it, now it's all I ever think about. I would give anything just to have him back for two minutes, us arguing about a recipe, or him holding me while we watch one of those human movies that always made me cry. I should have seen him sooner. I should have realized that I loved him sooner.

I know it's not my fault that he died, what he did, it was so brave. He died saving one of his best friends. I try to visit his wanderling as much as possible, I bring a little trinket every time. Whenever I come back the gift is always twisted in with the branches and leaves. I just wish he knew how much I love him, I wish I actually got the chance to tell him. He told me he loved me, and I didn't get the chance to tell him just how much I felt the same.

"Biana?" Sophie touches my shoulder lightly.

I try to blink away the tears, "Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for? There is nothing that you need to be sorry about," she asks softly.

That is when I break down, I have waited so long, kept my feelings locked away so no one could see my weaknesses. I'm too tired, too tired of trying to hide, trying to be this picture perfect girl that everyone expects.

"Shhhh, shhhh," Sophie coos stroking my hair. "It's okay."

"I-I there was just so much m-m-more left f-fo-or him to do. Wh-y h-him?" I choke out in between sobs.

She lets out a deep breath trying to hold back tears too, "Because life isn't fair. Life wants to make things so hard for us, it takes away the people we love, and makes us helpless against the people we hate."

I bury my head in her shoulder letting all my emotions pour out, "I sh-should have hu-huged him more. I should h-have told him h-how much I l-l-loved hi-im! B-but I was too sc-scared, I was a c-coward."

"Don't, don't say that. He knew, he knew how much you loved him. He knew that you were soulmates, and I bet that he is right here, right now holding your hand. Dex is whispering into your ear, telling you that he is alright."

I lose it after that, everything Sophie is saying is true. I know that he is here with us, helping me through this. He would never let me go through this alone, even if it feels like I am. I take a few shaky deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I cling onto Sophie like she is my lifeline. After a few minutes I pull away wiping the tears streaming down my face.

"Shoot, Sophie, I'm sorry. I completely ruined your tunic! This one looks so amazing on you too!" I apologize.

She rolls her eyes at me, "Don't be, I hate this tunic, too many patterns and beads. Are you alright? No that's a stupid question, do you need anything?"

I look at her lovingly, "No, no I'm alright now. Thank you."

"Of course, I'm always going to be here for you. If I'm being honest I was sort of expecting this sooner or later, you haven't talked about him since it happened."

"It's not because I don't miss him! I miss Dex every day! Sometimes it's just easier to bottle up what I feel. There is a lot less drama when that happens."

"I understand that, but you guys pester me all the time about how I need to let you all help me. Now it's time for me to return the favor. Plus I have a feeling you will find someone just as amazing as him."

I shake my head, "No, I don't think so. He, he was one of a kind."

If I'm being honest, I cried so hard while writing this... Also, I just wanted to give a shout out to sophi_josep809 and TeamKeefe1816 I loved reading your comments, made my day! Love you all!

~Lacy