DreamSMP one-shots ||

// I love you, I'm sorry. //

Headcannon where Schlatt is Tubbo's dad, but he handed him over to Phil when he was young because Schlatt felt he was incompetent of taking care of Tubbo

Enjoy :]
(3rd person pov)
TW/CW: Mentions of child abuse
~

Schlatt couldn't take it anymore.
He was stressed out all the time, and never got any sleep. Between Tubbo having tantrums and Schlatt's irritability, he wasn't sure how much more of this he could handle.
     Little Tubbo was only three years old.
     Schlatt was angry at Tubbo a lot of the time. Tubbo would cry when he didn't get what he wanted, or when he was hungry, or when he was tired. Schlatt hated himself so much for being annoyed, and treating Tubbo like a burden. He was running out of money, running out of patience, running out of will. Half of the time he turned to the bottle, leaving Tubbo to scream in his room till he finally fell asleep.
     Schlatt knew he was a piece of shit for the way he treated his son, he was well aware of it. He didn't hate Tubbo, he really just hated himself.
     There was a time when Schlatt adored the baby boy. He'd hold him in his arms with love, and look at his little horns that were slowly growing out of his brunette hair. On his second birthday, Schlatt bought Tubbo a bee plush that he has rarely let go since. He wouldn't go anywhere or do anything without it, even today it's Tubbo's favorite toy.
     "Papa! Papa!" Tubbo shouted in his playpen. Tubbo had his good days as well as his bad, just like any other toddler. Today was one of his better ones, which made Schlatt feel even worse about the decision he had made.
     "Look! Bee can fly!" Tubbo shouted, throwing the plush into the air. It fell at Schlatt's feet on the ground, who was sitting on the couch only a few feet away.
     Schlatt sighed, picking up the toy. Tubbo whined, his arms outstretched and hands trying to grab for the toy. Schlatt handed it to Tubbo, who smiled up at his father. "Papa!"
     "Hey, buddy." Schlatt said, Tubbo's tiny tail shaking quickly back and forth at the sight of him.
     Schlatt put his hands below Tubbo's armpits, picking him up, and resting him on his hip. Tubbo hugged the bee tightly, and Schlatt began having second thoughts.
     'No. I have to do this. For his sake, and mine.'
     "Tubbs, how about we... go on a trip?" Schlatt asked, with a small smile. He felt horrible.
     Tubbo giggled, nodding his head. Schlatt walked to Tubbo's playroom, picking up a small backpack. "First, we have to pack some toys, right? I don't want you to get bored on the trip." Schlatt said, squatting and putting Tubbo down.
     Tubbo looked around excitedly, picking up his favorite toys and putting them in the bag, Schlatt helping him a bit. "The robot? No? How about the butterfly?" Schlatt held up a mini plush toy butterfly. Tubbo nodded eagerly, and he put it in the bag. Schlatt already had another bag with some of the boy's clothes in it.
     Schlatt closed up the bag once it was full, making sure to not forget Tubbo's bee. He put Tubbo's shoes on him, then his own. He picked Tubbo up as well as the bags, and walked out the door to his car.
     'I cant believe I'm doing this.' He thought to himself. It would be one of the most difficult things Schlatt would ever have to do.
     It was dark outside, probably around 10 at night as Schlatt drove, Tubbo in his carseat in the back. Tears pricked at Schlatt's eyes as he looked in the mirror above him, to see his little boy slowly drifting to sleep.
     'Why is this so hard? I want this. I want this.'
     Finally, after an hour and a half of driving he had arrived. Luckily Tubbo was a heavy sleeper, and Schlatt didn't have trouble taking him out of his car seat and grabbing the bags.
     'Please don't wake up. Please.'
     Schlatt held the boy in his arms, Tubbo's head resting limply on his shoulder as he snored lightly. He made his way up a doorstep, knocking three times on the door softly.
     When there was no answer he knocked again, until finally someone had turned the handle from inside, opening the door.
     "Schlatt? What are you two doing here so late?" Phil asked, looking exhausted. "Come inside."
     Phil was one of Schlatt's good friends. He'd known Phil for years now, along with his three younger boys who had actually met Tubbo once before, but when he was much younger.
     Phil went to turn around, but Schlatt stopped him. He couldn't go inside because he needed to leave, he didn't want to make this harder than it already was.
     "No- I.. Phil.." Schlatt looked at the man, blinking the tears in his eyes away.
     Phil could sense something was wrong. "What.. Schlatt what's the matter?" He asked.
     "Phil I.. I can't take care of him anymore. I'm.. I'm a horrible parent." A tear fell from Schlatt's eye, his lips quivered when he spoke.
     "What? Schlatt what are you on about, you're doing just fine." Phil said softly, trying to reassure Schlatt and not wake up the sleeping Tubbo.
     "No. No, I'm not." Schlatt shook his head slightly. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have a good reason Phil. I have no money, I can't feed him, I can't take care of him. My bad habits are catching up to me Phil, I don't think you understand." Said the disheveled man.
     "Well, what are you doing here?" Phil asked, even though he already knew the answer.
     "Phil I need you to take him, please, I'm begging. I'm going crazy, and I know you'd take good care of him-" Schlatt was cut off.
     "No. Schlatt, thats your boy. I'll give you money, I'll give you anything you need, but that is your son. He needs his dad-" Now it was Schlatt's turn to cut Phil off.
     "For god's sake Phil! I almost hit him the other day because of how angry I got!" Schlatt whisper shouted, feeling ashamed. Phil's eyes widened, and Schlatt hated seeing his expression, but he needed this to happen. He didn't want to hurt Tubbo, he really didn't. That was the last thing Schlatt wanted.
     "Phil, please. There's something wrong with me, and I don't want to take it out on him, he doesn't deserve that. I love him Phil, I love him with my entire being, that's why I need you to take care of him. Please, just take him. Love him for me, show him you care for him the way I can't. Please." Tears slipped down his cheeks as he spoke, and Tubbo stirred in his arms.
     There was a pause. "Okay. Okay, give me him." Phil said, reaching his arms out. Carefully, Schlatt handed him over to Phil along with his bags. Tubbo stirred some more, humming, still fast asleep.
     Schlatt looked at Phil holding Tubbo and stepped forward, lightly kissing the hair on Tubbo's head. "I love you." He wispered. "I'm sorry."
     He looked back to Phil. "Thank you, so much." He said to him. Phil looked sad and concerned, but he knew that it would be for the best aswell.
     Phil already had three kids. 'what was one more?', He though optimistically.
     And with that, Schlatt turned away and walked back to his car. Phil went back inside with Tubbo, closing the door. Schlatt couldn't believe what he had just done, and it felt surreal knowing that he would probably never see Tubbo again, or for at least a very very long time.
     'I wanted this.. this is what's best. I did the right thing, didn't I?' Schlatt asked himself, feeling empty inside. 'It's too late now.'
     As he drove away it was strange for him, not seeing the little brunette boy sitting behind him just like he always did, but never would again.