DreamSMP one-shots ||

// "I'm strong, right?" //

!!!!!!! HI PLEASE READ THIS QUICK PSA/REMINDER;; when I asked for tommy + tubbo oneshot ideas in the last chapter i meant friend-y PLATONIC ones i didn't mean for it to come off as asking for ship os ideas let me make it very very clear that I DO NOT SHIP TOMMY & TUBBO THEY ARE MINORS & IF YOU SHIP THEM UR WEIRD AND NOT WELCOME HERE ALSO THEY SAID IT MAKES THEM UNCOMFY SO DON'T DO IT👍👍👍👍 i (personally) don't ship anyone on the smp for that matter & i don't plan on making any ship oneshots. ok thats all

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ANYWHO i was rewatching some of the old Pogtopia vods & uhh yeah so here's this, some angsty spy!tubbo & the Pogtopia era throwback ,,,

(3rd person pov)
TW/CW: Physical/mental abuse, verbal fighting/yelling, bruises
~

Tubbo had returned to Pogtopia after yet another long day in Manberg. It was quite late in the night since that was the only time he could ever leave without getting caught, so he stepped down the long flight of stairs into the ravine carefully and quietly. He wasn't even sure if anyone would be awake, that is, until he heard two familiar voices talking. Well, more like arguing.
"Wil listen to yourself, do you even hear what you're saying?" Tommy whisper-shouted. Tubbo stopped in his tracks behind on of the staircases, unsure if he should interrupt or not. He saw his friends stood facing each other talking, neither of them looked pleased with the other. "Wil for the love of god pull yourself together, you're being reckless!" Before Tubbo could decide what to do, Wilbur spoke up.
"Tommy everyone who claims they're on our side- they're not! Don't you see? We've been fucked since we were thrown out, people only give a shit about people with power. How can we trust them- Tubbo? He doesn't care! He's lying to you- he'd drop us the second he knew we couldn't get everything back." Wilbur said, looking almost crazed.
Tubbo let out a quiet and shaky breath thinking, how could he? how could he say that about him, especially after everything he's done/been doing for them?
Tommy stepped back in surprise at Wilbur's words. He looked past Wilbur's shoulder straight into Tubbo's eyes, realizing Tubbo had heard what Wilbur said.
Wilbur looked confused at Tommy, turning around to look at Tubbo as well. He looked at the two people he thought of as brothers, hurt flashing across his eyes. What had he ever done to not be trusted? How could they think that about him?
He didn't know what else to do; so he turned around to leave. Tommy tried to catch up to him, while Wilbur stayed behind. "Wait- Tubbo, wait."
Tommy put a hand on Tubbo's shoulder, spinning him around to face him. "How could you? How could you guys say that about me?" Tubbo looked into Tommy's blue eyes, a mixture of strong emotions flaring throughout his chest. "Don't you understand everything I have to go through for you guys- for all this?" Tubbo motioned to the place they were in, frustration and sadness leaking from his tone. Usually he would hold his emotions in and internalize situations like this, but today he was just so tired; too tired to care.
"Tubbo he- he didn't-" Tubbo cut Tommy off.
"It's not fair! It's not fair that I have to walk on egg shells all the time in this- this stupid suit and work my ass off with no break, getting no sleep- to gather information and sneak around, risking my life for you guys just- just for you to say I can't be trusted? Seriously? Because god only knows what Schlatt would do to me if he found out about this." Tubbo grasped the oversized fabric of the suit on his arms tightly, stepping away. "I- I have to pretend to be his friend- do everything he says. It's goddamn torturous!" tears pricked at the boy's eyes, as Wilbur and Tommy stood in shock at his outburst. Tubbo was never one to stand up for himself in this way, which made Tommy instantly realize he really must've not been doing well, or something was really wrong. The boy was obviously hurting, seemingly having to have held in a lot of built-up emotions that were bound to show themselves eventually. This whole situation was hard on all of them, but especially on Tubbo since he had to stay in Manburg the majority of the time.
"I know, I know it's hard. I don't think you're lying, I trust you. Wilbur-" Tommy turned around to the man. "Wilbur tell him you didn't mean what you said."
Wilbur sighed after a short silence. "I'm sorry." he said, turning and stepping out of the room.
Tubbo let out a dry laugh, rolling his eyes as tears slipped down his cheeks. Tommy turned back to him stepping closer to his friend, but Tubbo only backed away.
"This is bullshit Tommy!" Tubbo shouted. Tommy looked at him with wide eyes, trying to find his best friend in the person standing in front of him. It was as if Tubbo had been replaced with someone else, and Tommy didn't know how to handle it. Tubbo never acted this way, this wasn't like him.
"There's something wrong with him, I don't know what it is but he's acting.. different. I'm- I'm sure he didn't mean it." Tommy tried to reassure Tubbo.
     Tubbo stayed silent, biting his bottom lip and trying to keep his breathing steady. "Hey... what's wrong? Tell me what's going on with you.." Tommys said, worry twisting his intestines into knots in his stomach.
There was a long silence as Tommy waited for an answer, more tears slipped down Tubbo's flushed cheeks. "I- I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." he said softly, trying not to let more tears escape.
"No- no, I mean- it's alright, it's okay. You needed to let it out." Tommy stepped forward, using his thumbs to wipe away the tear tracks stretching down his cheeks. Tubbo brought his hands to his face to rub his eyes, when his sleeve must have slipped down revealing a dark blue and purple bruise wrapping around his wrist.
"Holy shit, what happened to your arm?" Tommy asked, causing Tubbo's heart to stop in his chest.
"Uh- oh, it's nothing." Tubbo sniffled, not making eye contact. "I fell. You know how clumsy I am." he tried to force a small smile, but Tommy could see through his lies. He knew Tubbo too well.
"Lemme see." Tommy went to reach for his arm, but Tubbo flinched away. He looked at Tubbo, confusion filling his facial features. Something was definitely wrong.
"I- I should probably go.. Schlatt might need me.." Tubbo said, pulling his sleeve down and turning away.
"No, wait-" Tommy reached down, grabbing his hand and lightly pulling him back. He faced Tommy again, looking down at his feet. "Why won't you look at me?... Tubbo?" concern laced his tone.
Tubbo didn't say anything, his chest feeling heavy. He tried to move his feet to run away, but his brain wouldn't let him as he was stuck where he stood.
After still receiving no response, Tommy carefully reached for his hand again, lifting it slowly.
     "Don't-..." Tubbo shook under his touch as he used his other hand to pull back his sleeve. Bruises of every color and many sizes littered the boys arm. Tommy scanned over them trying to comprehend what he was seeing, he couldn't even count them properly as some blended into eachother. His whole body felt heavy with sadness as he realized.
     "Tubbo...." Tommy's voice broke.
The boy still wouldn't look at him. Tommy went to carefully brush over the bruises with his fingertips, but Tubbo pulled away as he winced at the contact. He let the shorter boy's hand go and reached for the other one, pulling back his other sleeve to reveal a mirrored image of his other arm. His breath hitched at the sight. "You.. you didn't do these, did you..." Tommy asked in a whisper. He was scared that if he spoke any louder he would scare Tubbo away.
Tommy used the first couple fingers on his right hand to lightly lift Tubbo's chin up as if to say, 'Hey, it's me, your best friend. It's okay, please talk to me, please let me help you.'
     Tommy brushed the brunette hair out of Tubbo's eyes; who was looking away seemingly frozen and out of it. His eyes looked gloomy, as if the once bright colors of them had almost drained completely.
"Schlatt- um.." Tubbo sounded numb, his bottom lip quivering as he spoke. "He drinks a lot and..."
The boy broke down, unable to finish the sentence. "God..." Tommy pulled him into a tight hug, trying to tell Tubbo how sorry he was, how pained he was to see this happen to him, and that he didn't deserve any of it.
     "Tubbo... why didn't you say anything? You can trust me- you know you can always trust me, if nobody else.." Tommy said carefully, patiently waiting for a response.
     "I didn't want you to worry. He.. he gets mad at me because I mess up a lot.." Tubbo hiccuped. "I don't have people to talk to over there. He says- he says I'm not good enough. Why am I not good enough?" Tears soaked Tommy's shirt as Tubbo had his arms wrapped around the taller boy tighter than ever. Tubbo needed his comfort so much, Tommy had never seen his usually happy and bubbly best friend so utterly broken like this.
     Tommy's chest ached as he pushed Tubbo away slightly to be able to look at him. "Hey wh- that's nonsense Tubbo! Of course you're good enough, don't listen to him okay? He's a bad person, he just wants to tear people down like the tyrant he is. You can't let him get to you." he felt so sad for Tubbo, the type of sad you feel throughout your whole body; the very worst kind of sad.
     Tubbo shook his head, looking away. "I- but he's right, Tommy. Clearly he is if I can't even get my best friends to trust me. I deserve it, I deserved it all-"
"Tubbo stop. Look at me." Tommy gently held the boy's face in his hands, feeling his soft skin at his fingertips. He looked so defeated, Tommy wished he could take all of Tubbo's pain and give it to himself. Tubbo never deserved any of this, and yet here he was, taking all the blame and carrying the world's hurt on his shoulders. He looked exhausted.
     Tubbo placed his own hands over Tommy's "Don't listen to Schlatt- and I can't believe I'm saying this- don't listen to Wilbur either. He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. I see you, I recognize everything you do for us, and I'm so damn grateful for you. I'm sorry I never said it enough, I really am. I'm sorry for Wilbur's actions, I- I'm trying to figure out what's going on with him." he paused. "You're so strong, okay? I just- I just need you to hang on for a little bit longer." Tommy said, tears pricking at his eyes as he looked into his best friend's own. He tried his best to fight them back, he needed to be strong for Tubbo, he couldn't cry now.
     "You're so strong. Remember that, remember what I'm saying." Tommy said, trying to add emphasis to his words. "Don't forget it."
     "Don't cry, please don't cry." Tubbo pleaded, but silent tears had already fallen from Tommy's waterlines. Everything was so much, so stressful, and they were so young. They were doing the best they could with what they had; eachother.
     "I- I'm okay. I'll be okay, I'll remember everything you said when I feel sad. Please don't cry." Tubbo said, hugging Tommy again.
      Tommy quickly nodded. "I know. I know. Everything will be okay soon enough."
      The two hugged eachother for a few more moments, taking in the little time left they had with eachother. Finally, Tubbo pulled away.
     "Tommy, I- I should go, but- but I'll be back." Tubbo said, pulling his baggy sleeves over his hands.
     Tommy looked at him, his eyes pleading; 'Don't go, please don't. What if he hurts you again? or worse?' 
     "I'll be okay, I can handle it. I'm strong, right?" Tubbo said, walking backwards away from Tommy to the main staircase. Part of Tubbo wished Tommy would hold him back, tell him he shouldn't leave. But they both knew that couldn't happen.
Tommy knew he couldn't stay, he knew Tubbo had to go back, and he hated it so much. He hated that he couldn't do anything about the way Schlatt treated Tubbo. He hated that he just had to watch the one person he cared about most leave and possibly endanger himself even more.
     "Yes. Yes, you are." Tommy nodded, forcing a smile.
     "Goodbye, Tommy. I... goodbye..." Tubbo said, turning away and heading up the stairs till he was out of sight.
     Tommy was stuck; he stood there, unable to move. He wanted to run after Tubbo, and tell him everything would be okay again because he didn't have to go back to the man he feared so much, he could stay here with him and everything would be alright. But he couldn't. He couldn't and it hurt so so bad. He felt it in every bone in his body.
     His legs gave out from under him, and he fell to his knees. He tried to hold in the heavy, hot tears, but it was just all too much.
     Wilbur was going mad, Tommy knew it whether he liked it or not, and now this? He didn't know how he would be able to handle himself, especially if he lost Wilbur, and especially if he lost Tubbo.
     Tommy internally cursed at himself for thinking that way. He knew he needed to be positive, for himself and everyone around him. He couldn't give up.
     He picked himself up off the floor, catching his balance as he suddenly felt light headed.
     He told himself he was strong.
     He told himself things would be okay.
     He told himself to hang on, for just a little bit longer.