DreamSMP one-shots ||

// Goodbye, Tubbo (part 2) //

TW/CW: Mentions of death/loss, grieving, mental breakdown, etc;

—> PART 2/2 OF 'Goodbye, Tubbo'
~

     It was a week after the festival, a week after Tommy's best friend had died in his very arms.
     He hadn't left his room since he had gotten back, he hardly remembered how he had gotten there in the first place because he felt so disconnected from himself and everything around him.
All he knew was that he couldn't feel anything anymore. He was miserable; he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he almost never left his room. He hadn't talked to any of the other members of Pogtopia, even Niki, who tried to talk to him at one point but he just ended up snapping at her, making himself just feel worse because he didn't even understand why he did it. Niki didn't deserve that, but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to apologize.
Wilbur and Niki were talking, and decided they needed to figure out a way to talk to Tommy. They couldn't just let him stay alone in his room, they knew he needed company now more than ever, whether Tommy wanted it or not. He lost his platonic soulmate, and was very obviously affected to the point where he was flat out depressed. Will and Niki were worried, and didn't want to lose Tommy as well.
Wilbur hesitated, before lightly knocking on Tommy's door. Tommy hadn't said a thing to Will since they had gotten back.
"Tommy?" He asked, but didn't get a response. "I'm coming in, okay?" He proceeded with caution, as Wilbur didn't know what to expect from Tommy. Tommy was never depressed, or even sad for that matter; he was always laughing or making the people around him laugh. It was almost scary seeing him in this state.
Wilbur opened the door, slowly stepping in. Tommy was sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over with his elbows on his knees, his hands covering his face. "Tommy?.." Wilbur asked again, closing the door softly behind him.
"Tommy-" The boy finally spoke up, but it more of a whisper.
"I could've saved him." He was still covering his face.
"Tommy..."
"You... You held me back." Wilbur's stomach did a flip. He was afraid Tommy would think it was all Will's fault, maybe it was and he didn't want to believe it, but hearing Tommy say that aloud just made him feel so much worse.
"Tommy, look-" Wilbur took a step forward, but Tommy shot up and rushed towards him. Before Wilbur knew it, Tommy was punching at Will's chest, shouting in anger and sadness.
"YOU HELD ME BACK! YOU PIECE OF SHIT ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU WANTED HIM TO BE A SPY IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU SHOULDVE JUST LET HIM BE!" Wilbur tried to grab ahold of Tommy's arms to calm him down, but Tommy just kept punching and pushing at Will's chest.
"Tommy! Tommy stop!" Will shouted back. "Niki!" He called out.
Niki rushed into Tommy's room, seeing what was happening after hearing yelling from the other room. She came up behind Tommy and hugged him from behind, restraining his arms as he struggled and sobbed.
"It's your fault! It's your fault! It's your fault!" Tommy sobbed, tears slipping down his flushed cheeks. With Niki still hugging Tommy from behind, the two sunk to the floor as Tommy's legs gave out on him. Niki tried to shush him and hugged him tighter to calm him down as the two kneeled on the wooden floor.
"I'm so sorry Tommy" Niki said as he cried. "I'm so sorry."
When Tommy had finally calmed down a bit more, Niki let go of him, shifting him so she could hug him from the front, Tommy immediately leaning into her. She knew Tommy was just in a lot of emotional pain, and he didn't mean to yell at her before. He was hurting, and because he didn't know how to deal with it, he projected his pain onto the people around him. Maybe that's why he was shutting himself out, Niki thought.
Will kneeled down to get at the two's level, his face full of concern, Niki sharing a similar look as her and Will made eye contact. Tommy's hiccuped and sniffled as he leaned into Niki, calming down a bit more. Will didn't know what to do at this point, he hoped Niki would, as Will had never had to deal with anything remotely close to this.
They were all grieving over Tubbo's death, but the two knew that Tommy would be the most affected. After all, it had to have been greatly traumatizing, what he had gone through. Will and Niki had agreed before that they would always be there for Tommy, no matter what, in order to help him get through this.
"Tommy?" Niki asked. He replied with a quiet hum, his eyes shut. He was tired, after just having a full on breakdown and barely sleeping for the past week.
"Why don't we get you something to eat? You haven't been eating anything, you need to take care of yourself, especially now." She said softly. Something about her voice comforted Tommy, and Will was thankful for her.
"I don't want to." He said simply.
"Please?" Niki pushed cautiously.
After a long moment of silence, Tommy finally agreed to having soup since it was a lighter meal and would be easy on his stomach. Niki nodded at Will as he got up to go make it.
Once it was made, Niki helped him up and guided him out of his room and to a table that was in their makeshift kitchen. She sat him down at a chair, Wilbur placing the soup in front of him. Niki and Will sat in the chairs on the other sides of the table with him.
Tommy didn't touch the soup, only stared at it guiltily. After a few long minutes of silence, Tommy was coming to his senses and realized he had been treating his friends horribly, and didn't mean anything he had said to them. He knew he needed to apologize.
"I... I'm sorry." Tommy said, looking to his lap as silent tears fell from his eyes.
"It's okay, Tommy." Niki said.
"It's not. I've been an asshole to you guys, saying shit I don't mean and I even went off on you too, Niki. I didn't mean to, I.." Tommy swallowed as a knot began to form in his throat. "I wasn't... I wasn't all there." He said. Will and Niki's hearts were breaking for the boy beside them as he spoke. His eyes had dark circles under them, his face still wet from tears.
"Tommy, we know you didn't mean those things. You're hurting, your feelings are valid, and even though we lost him as well, we won't ever be able to fully understand what you're going through because of how close you two were. But we'll always be here for you, okay? We can't let you waste away in your room, you have to let us be here for you." Wilbur said, Tommy still not making eye contact with either of them.
Tommy paused for a moment, his chest beginning to rise and fall more steadily now. "Okay." He said quietly.
"Okay." Will said. "Do you think.. you can try to eat?" He asked.
Tommy slowly lifted the spoon from the table, dipping it in the scoop and bringing it to his mouth. Feeling the warm liquid slip down his throat felt so good, as he hadn't been properly eating recently. "Thank you." He said.
"Of course." Will said, feeling relieved that Tommy was eating as it was a step in the right direction from how things were previously with him.
Tommy knew things were going to be hard, harder than anything he'd ever gone through ever, but he knew he couldn't give up. Tubbo would have wanted Tommy to be strong, and keep going fighting for what they have been. Besides, he couldn't leave Will and Niki. He loved them, as they were like older siblings to him. He didn't know what he would do without them, and he was eternally grateful for their help.
After finishing the bowl and taking a long hot shower, he was starting to feel somewhat okay. Will and Niki tried their best to distract Tommy as best they could, and made sure he was never alone.
Tommy promised himself he would avenge his best friend, and he would never let Tubbo be forgotten.
Tommy stepped back into his room as it began to get later in the night. He walked over his chest pulling out his favorite disk, one that Tubbo had given to him, Mellohi. He remembered playing it with Tubbo as they watched the sun set together, when things became too much to handle and they needed a break from all the chaos.
He placed the disk inside the music box as it began to play quietly. He then laid on his bed, letting out a heavy sigh as he stared up at his ceiling. Before he knew it, the world enveloped him in darkness and he fell asleep for the first time in what felt like forever.