30 day fluff challenge | Ryden

Washing something

This specific one shot involves a deep meaning. I meant every word I wrote and I want to say that if you're dealing with this, you're not alone<3

The beginning is lowkey based on the song "Stay Alive" by Andy Black.

TW// Referenced suicidal thoughts, self hatred, depression. Implied self consciousness

*3rd person POV* (2k+ words)

Brendon felt down, he felt like all the joy he radiated all these past weeks just drained from his pores like he was made of net. And all was left inside him was sadness, mixed with other emotions he couldn't name.

The rain could be the reason of his mood though.

A thunderstorm woke him up, and it was too early to get up yet. So he made himself comfortable wrapped in think covers and looked outside of the only window in his room.

Focusing on the different sizes of the drops tapping the glass, some were bigger than the rest, the sound they made along with a few thunders here and there was relaxing, yet so depressing.

He carefully admired how the droplets ran down the glass according to the direction the cold air blew, leaving a trail behind. Exactly like his warm tears that were already pooling in his red and puffy eyes, before springing free and streaking his cheeks, soaking the pillow underneath.

And this was for no reason at all. Maybe, but not really.

Everything with him was extremely good at the moment. He had a job with good payment, a place where to live, his family was supportive in every single way, his friends cared about him. And last but not least, he was alive!

In his darkest moments as a teenager he thought he was worthless, horrendous, and some more ugly adjectives it's better not to mention. But he wasn't any of them, he was the complete opposite, but he didn't see himself like that.

After all those tough moments he went through in past years. He finally accepted who he truly is and started loving himself. And his family were there and supported him troughout the whole process, caring and protective about their son, making sure he was getting better.

For the first time in a long while he felt happy. He learned from his own mistakes, and comprehended life is worth it, what wasn't, is to waste it and throw it away like a piece of paper.

There is only one life, and you deserve to live it. Put aside all negativity and focus on the positive. Be happy being who you are, surround yourself with the people you love, be free and discover new things, take that risk and do what you have not fulfilled.
Be happy!
Life is worth it!

But today the rain hit him differently and made him feel down. He simply wanted to stay asleep on his bed, tucked under the comfort of his covers and sheets, with all the lights off. But he couldn't, the rain and his thoughts were too loud to let him do that, and crying himself to sleep felt pathetic.

An early bird of a roommate knocked softly on the door, letting the other boy know he made breakfast if he wanted to eat. Scrambled eggs and toast, he wasn't hungry but he didn't want to be rude.

He wiped away the tears and took deep breaths —in and out, in and out, in and out— calming down before getting up from the confines of his bed. Regretting his decision when the cool air hit his body and sent a shiver down his skinny frame.

He could hear music playing somewhere —80's rock anthems to be exact—, and the first thing that popped into his mind was his roommate, Ryan.

That boy blasted music on his daily basis, ranging from genres like classic to hard rock. He's very versatile when it comes to music, and Brendon was totally down with it.