lover of mine // mgc

heal it or break it all apart

song for the chapter: love me or leave me - little mix

28 weeks pregnant

it's been three days since michael left. to be honest, it's felt like three years. i miss him so much. he isn't answering any of my calls or texts and neither are any of the guys. i get it. i understand why they took his side. but it still hurts a lot.

i tossed in bed again before pulling the blankets up over my head. i just wanna disappear. i just want to pretend like none of this ever happened. i want michael to be here and wrap his arms around me. i just want everything to be back to normal.

luna has been kicking and moving around like crazy since michael left. i can barley get any sleep with the way she's been moving. michael is always talking to her and i guess she just misses his voice. that makes two of us, luna.

i flipped onto my back and let out a sigh. michael's side of the bed seems so empty. it's like a dark hole that i can't escape. i let my hands travel from my sides and up to my protruding bump. sometimes when i'm sad or just lonely, i like to talk to luna. and this time isn't any exception.

"hey luna. mummy is sorry that daddy hasn't been around recently. it's all my fault."

i said as i felt luna start to move around.

"i shouldn't have put hands on him. i just saw red and got so angry. but it wasn't right regardless. no matter how angry he made me. i hope he comes back. even if it isn't for me. but he needs to come back for you. you don't deserve to not grow up without a dad."

i sniffled as tears fell down my cheeks. before i could say anything else, i heard the front door unlock, open, and then shut. i jumped out of bed and walked down the hallway but instead of being met with the person i wanted to see, i was met by calum.

"cal? what are you doing here? how did you get in here?"

i asked him.

"uh, michael gave me his key. he wanted me to pick some clothes up for him."

calum said as he showed me the key in his hand.

"cal...do you think you can talk to michael for me? i miss him so much."

i sniffled.

"alex, he doesn't want to talk to you. he's really hurt. you hurt him really bad."

"and he didn't hurt me? he basically accused me of not being able to trust him!"

i said as tears came back into my eyes. does no one really see my side of the story?

"but he didn't put hands on you. and that's the difference between what you did to him and what he did to you."

calum said. he walked past me but i walked right behind him and into michael and i's bedroom. calum began to pack a bag for michael as i just sobbed. this is it. it's really it. i can mark this down as the worst mistake of my life. i lost the love of my life. i lost my best friend for him. what's the point anymore?

as calum was pulling clothes from the top of michael and i's closet, a small black box fell onto the floor. i reached down and grabbed it before looking back up at calum, who looked like a deer in headlights. 

"what's this?"

i asked as i opened the box. inside was a beautiful ring. probably a dream ring. and i don't want to believe it's what i think it is.

"alex...that's the engagement ring michael bought you."

calum said as my sobs became harder. he was gonna propose. that's what calum was texting him about. he was gonna propose to me and we would've gotten married and lived happily ever after. and i ruined that. i'm so fucking stupid. i don't deserve him.

"god i'm an idiot."

i sobbed as i put the box into the bag full of michael's clothes. calum finally caved in and hugged me.

"he's in the car if you wanna make one last effort."

calum whispered.

"he is?"

i sniffled as i pulled my head off of calum's shoulder. calum nodded and i ran out of the bedroom and quickly out of the house. i stopped dead in my tracks as i saw michael in the car. he pulled his head up and looked at me through the windshield. he looked like hell. i could tell he hadn't been sleeping or eating. the dark rings around his eyes were the most apparent feature of his face. i walked over to the passenger side of the car and michael rolled the window down.

"you were gonna propose?"

i sniffled.

"how did you find out? did calum tell you?"

"i found the ring. michael, i'm so sorry. i've never regretted something more in my life. i wanna be a family. luna moves and kicks all the time because she misses her daddy's voice. and i miss it too. please come home."

i cried.

"i can't alex. you hurt me a lot. i never thought you would hit me like that. i'm sorry but i don't think we can be together or even be friends at that point.. i still wanna be there for luna though. i'm gonna stay with cal for a little bit."

michael said before rolling the window back up. i backed up from the car and just broke down. that was it. that was the last chance i ever had. i messed up bad this time. but isn't that what i'm good at?

"it's gonna be okay. give it some time."

calum said as he walked over to me and hugged me. he started packing the car with michael's things while i went back inside. it's over. it's really over. nothing will be normal in my life like it has been for the last seven years. because michael isn't in my life anymore. and the guys probably aren't anymore either. so who the fuck do i even have anymore?