lover of mine // mgc

you win some and you lose some

"alex! alex wake up!"

i heard michael yell as he shook me awake. my body jolted up as my brain came back into reality. of course i had another fucking nightmare. i'm never able to catch more than two hours of sleep before i'm awoken by my brain. this fucking sucks.

"shit."

i whispered as i rubbed my eyes.

"you were thrashing around and you kept mumbling something about your dad. what is going on with you?"

michael asked. i can't tell him. i just can't.

"it's nothing."

"it's clearly not just nothing if you're screaming in your sleep. please just tell me alex. i'm not going to judge you."

michael pleaded to me. he's way too fucking good to me.

"i've just...i've been having nightmares about that night in australia with my dad. it's like i remember more and more details every time i have them and i can't sleep because of them."

i said as tears fell down my face. michael lovingly put his hand on my back before pulling me close to his chest.

"shhh, it's okay baby. i wish you would've told me sooner and i would've gotten you som help."

michael said.

"i didn't want you to think less of me."

"i would never think less of you. i love you so much alex."

michael said as he placed a kiss to the top of my head. maybe i just got myself worked up over nothing. maybe i was just overthinking everything.
i wiped my tears off my face and sighed.

"i'm not gonna be able to go back to sleep."

i said with a bit of a laugh.

"let's go out to the living room for a bit. we can get your mind off of things."

michael said as i nodded. i pulled the blanket off of my body and followed michael out to the living room. we both laid down on the couch and i rested my head on his chest while he put something on the TV. 

"hey alex?"

michael asked as he broke the silence between us.

"yeah?"

"so you know how we finished the album recently?"

michael asked as he ran his hand through my hair.

"yeah."

"so our tour manager gave us our tour dates for the press tour. it starts a week before your due date."

michael said as my heart sunk. fuck their tour manager.

"so are you going to be here when the baby is born? or am i going to have to do this all alone?"

i said as i felt tears gathered in my eyes.

"i'm going to be here. i promise. you give me a call the second you feel your first contraction and i will be on the first plane here. i promise you will not be alone. besides, even if bee and kay come with us, sierra is going to stay back to be with leo. she'll be here until i can be."

michael said as i nodded. it still doesn't take away the pain that michael could possibly miss the birth of our second child. why can't they understand that he has a life outside of the fucking band? do they think it's okay for him to be torn away from his family when they need him most?

"okay."

"you alright?"

michael asked me as i sniffled.

"yeah. it just sucks."

"i know it does. but i'm going to be here. i promise you that."

michael said as he placed a kiss to the top of my head. i don't know how the hell i'm going to do this for even a moment without michael. i don't know what i'm going to do with luna when i'm in labor. i'm glad at least we have time to figure everything out but it still doesn't make this suck any less.