lover of mine // mgc

i miss the me before you

song for the chapter: me before you -mali-koa

29 weeks pregnant

who is alexandria kerr? i don't know. she used to be michael clifford's best friend. his girlfriend. his baby mama. the girl who follows 5 seconds of summer around like a lost little puppy dog. my whole identity is tied to those boys. i never found out who the fuck i am. and shouldn't i know that?

i stared in the mirror and rolled my neck. then i looked at all the torn up pictures that surrounded my feet. let me let you in on what happened a few minutes before right now. i found a box of michael and i's photos under the bed as i was trying to clean. i started looking through them and it just began too much. so i cut every single one of them apart.

i miss michael with every fiber of my being. the boys have been ignoring all of my texts. michael hasn't even attempted to reach out, not that i expected him too. next week is my 30 week ultrasound. i don't expect michael to go, even if he says he wants to be there for luna. i don't expect anything from him anymore. 

"i wanna leave here luna. but we have nowhere to go."

i said as i rubbed my hand over my bump. she's the last person i have left. i miss veronica. she would know what to do. maybe i should reach out to karen? or is that too weird? she's always been there for me. but at the same time, that's michael's mum. i know she would have a bit of a bias towards michael. and it's not like i can turn to my family.

i hate being in this house. it feels suffocating. how am i suppose to be in happy in a place where michael and i created so many happy memories? maybe i should've moved out before crystal and michael's relationship got ruined. they were so happy together. i can't give that to him. i can't make him happy like she did.

i jumped at the sound of my phone ringing on the bed. i walked over to my phone and saw bee's name written across the screen. i'm surprised they even wanna talk to me. i figured they would be following everyone else's lead and ignoring me.

"hello?'

i sniffled as i put the phone on speaker phone.

"hey. how are you doing?"

bee asked me.

"oh, it's great being the public enemy. haven't you heard? i'm the worst person on the planet."

i said as i wiped the tears away from my eyes.

"that is far from the truth, alex. listen, why don't you come over to my place and talk? i miss seeing you and luna and you can't be locked up in that house forever."

bee said as i sighed. they're right. i should get out of this house. it's really not good for me.

"okay. i'll be okay in 15."

"see ya then."

bee said before hanging up. i threw on a large hoodie, a pair of sweatpants, and some sneakers before leaving the house. once i got to bee's house, they met me at the door and wrapped me in a big hug. but all i could think about is how michael is next door.

"how are you doing? like actually?'

bee asked as we walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch.

"i'm..surviving. i think luna might actually miss michael more than me. all she does is move around and kick nonstop. she misses her dad."

i sighed.

"i'm sure she's already a daddy's girl."

"she really is. how are you and cal?"

i asked as i rested my head on my hand.

"we're doing great! i'm really happy. and look at this promise ring he bought me."

bee said as they showed me the beautiful finger on their hand. i know this must make me sound like a terrible friend, but i couldn't stop the tears rushing to my eyes. all i could think about was the engagement ring michael bought me.

"oh, alex."

bee said as she hugged me.

"i just wish michael was still around. not just for me, but for luna. i just miss him so much."

i sobbed into bee's shoulder. after a while of me crying into bee's shoulder, i found myself falling asleep right there on their couch.

michael's pov

"is that alex's car at bee's house?"

calum asked as he peeked out the window. i met his gaze and just shrugged my shoulders. i do miss alex. i miss her a lot. but what she did was inexcusable. what gives her the right to put hands on me? calum's phone rang, causing us both to jump a bit.

"it's bee."

calum said before answering.

"hey babe."

"hey. alex is over at my house."

bee said.

"yeah i saw her car. how is she?"

calum asked. i could tell that he was trying to get answers for me, even if bee doesn't know that i'm standing a few feet away from him, but i didn't want those answers. i cut alex from my life for a reason. the only reason she's still even remotely around is because of luna.

"i've never seen her so broken cal. she loves michael so much. it's so apparent. and she looks just awful. she's usually the strong one of our friend group but she's shattered."

bee said. hearing them say that made my stomach turn. i haven't been doing well myself but that doesn't matter when it comes to alex. she needs to eat. she needs to take care of herself. if not for herself, for luna.

"is she around you?'

calum asked.

"she cried herself to sleep in my arms. i can tell she hasn't eaten in days. i might just have her spend the night here. she's in no shape to drive."

bee said.

"alright, well, just take care of her. i'll talk you later."

"talk to you later."

bee said before the call ended. calum looked up at me before sighing. there's nothing i can do.  i can't be with alex after what she did and she won't listen to me even if we were together. this is out of my hands and i just hope bee can help her.