Supernova (bxb)

Chapter 4 - The sting of Rejection

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Cecilia exclaimed, as I walked back into my room and she, of course, followed me. But I didn't care about what she thought. I didn't care that my sister was yelling at me, because actually, I just needed to be alone right now. Jasper had left my house just now, but his scent was still all around my room and...fuck why did it comfort me?? I wondered if Cecilia could smell it as well or if she even noticed it, but actually, I was too busy thinking about what had just happened. 

Jasper Sutton...Alpha of probably our biggest enemy pack next to the Fonanas...or at least the most powerful one...he was my mate. There was no denying it, he was my mate, my one and only. Fuck. Fuck! My head was spinning or maybe the world was, I didn't know and I didn't care because actually, I just didn't know what to think anymore. I had found my mate, finally I had him and now...I couldn't have him! Not because he didn't want me or shit, but because I just couldn't do that!! I couldn't...I couldn't betray my pack like that! 

I was a beta, I was loyal beyond belief and if I were to mate with Jasper...I-I just couldn't! Sooner or later his and our pack were going to war and I couldn't be caught between the fronts! I couldn't fight for my pack and not be biased about it, since then I would obviously not want my mate to get hurt! And I also couldn't chose his side and watch him destroy my pack I- NO! No no no I just couldn't do this, b-but I also didn't want to live without a mate, even if mine was a fucking asshole I had dreamed about killing most of my life! 

"Hello?! Earth to Pax?? What was Jasper Sutton doing in your room?? Were you holding him hostage or something?? I swear man, if you went behind Asher's back I-" Cecilia started, her hands on her hips, but that caught my attention. I turned around towards her, getting close to her face, as I yelled "No! I would never betray Asher ok?! I- I would never do that, I-I have it under control!" No, I would never do that...I physically couldn't do that. The thought alone made me want to vomit. 

"Then what did you do?? What-" Cecilia started again, but I just about had it with her! I mean, I just found my mate and it couldn't have been a worse person to betray my alpha with, except if I would have been mated to his mate as well! I-I needed to breathe, I needed to think again! And I couldn't do that right now with my sister being a pain in the ass, so I grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out onto the hallway, where I let her go. She did not look happy and I think normally she would have whooped my ass for this, but now, as she saw how completely angry and overwhelmed I was, she didn't hit me. 

"I said I have it under control. Stay out of this" I growled, slamming the door in her face and for the first time in a while, I locked it. "What?? Pax, what the fuck, let me in and tell me what Sutton was doing here! Pax? Pax??" she called, but I didn't answer, I just stood in my room, unable to really think. I gripped my hair, as if that would make the world stop spinning and the right answer, as to what to do now, appear in right front of me. I mean...I knew what to do and I kind of did it already. I needed to reject Jasper. 

If I wanted to stay the loyal and good beta that I was, I could not mate with the enemy, no fucking way and so, I-I guess I would have to reject him. I would have to grow old mateless...I would never experience that type of love, even though I could never fucking imagine myself loving that piece of trash Jasper Sutton. But why the fuck did his name suddenly sound so good in my head?? "Jasper Sutton" I whispered. Fuck! It even sounded better saying it aloud!! I wanted to lay in my bed and curl up into a ball, until I would wake up and all of this had never happened, but now I just remembered how he had pointed at that. 

In fact, his scent was still around and everywhere I saw him. The urge to get to him and have him and his fucking scent close to me overwhelmed me and I- If the world would just stop spinning for one fucking second!! This whole room was filled with him and my head was too, but I needed to think about this in peace!! I needed to get away from his leftover scent, from the memories of him, but I also didn't want to leave my room and run into Cecilia, where I would have to fight while I was just trying to figure my shit out. So the only place close by, where I could hide from all of this was my closet.