Supernova (bxb)

Chapter 6 - Regretting pain

I stepped into Asher's office, feeling anxious...He knew. He knew that Jasper was my mate. I mean, I had tried to safe the situation and immediately promise him that I was not going to be with Jasper, no way, but...now he wanted to talk to me and I was a wreck. Asher closed the door behind us, before he walked over to the couch, taking a seat and probably waited for me to do the same. I glanced around the room, trying to flee my Alpha's gaze, as I just...didn't want to have that conversation right now or ever. I didn't want him to tell me how disappointed he was in me. 

I didn't want him to tell me, that he felt betrayed by me and didn't appreciate me not telling him about this myself...I just...I had wanted to handle this on my own, you know? Fuck...I was simply fucked. But when he didn't say anything, I finally walked over to him, taking a seat. No use in fighting it...we would have this conversation, no matter how much I dreaded it. I still fled his gaze, trying to wish for myself to be somewhere else and also...showing him how fucking uncomfortable I was...and sorry. So we both sat there for a while, since Asher didn't say anything either, he may have waited for me to say something, but I didn't know what. But Asher waited patiently. 

"I'm sorry" I finally said, rubbing my hands nervously. I was sorry, I truly was. I was sorry for the whole fucking situation and oh how I fucking wished it would just go away again. I would have imagined Asher to completely lose it now and yell at me or...no Asher never yelled at me, but maybe he would have appreciated my apology or started scolding me, but my Alpha just looked at me, a deep and slightly confused frown on his face.

"For what exactly are you sorry for here?" Asher asked and I was a little taken aback. Well...I was apologizing for many things. For existing, though I fucking loved life, yeah I liked to live it to the limit and even risked it from time to time, just to feel alive. But now I felt sorry for causing trouble with my mere existence. I was sorry for not rejecting Jasper sooner, thought it just...it wasn't easy doing so. But I also knew, that Asher didn't like it when people weren't kind to themselves, so I decided not to say all of that right now. 

"For not telling you I guess. For letting this...asshole into the packhouse and disturbing you. Sorry" I said, trying not to talk too much about the fact, that Jasper was my mate. That his and our all worst enemy was my one and only true mate, that fucking asshole- ow! Even just thinking negatively about him hurt...it hurt, because to some extend I knew I shouldn't talk about him that way. But I needed to keep hating him, because it was the only right thing to do. But Asher still seemed confused and maybe even concerned now. 

"Pax, I told you, it is fine. And it is not your responsibility to watch that nobody is disturbing me. You are a beta after all. And as for the not telling me part, do not apologize for it. I get it, he is your mate and you want him for yourself and figure everything out before you jump in and tell the alpha and get more people involved and-" Asher started talking and I had to cut him off, not letting him believe any longer that I would betray him like that. 

"He is not going to be a problem Asher. I will reject him, that's it" I said and Asher immediately fell quiet. That's right...he was not going to be a problem and I would...reject him. Even though I didn't know Jasper and naturally hated him like any enemy should, rejecting my mate would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do and that included killing a man when I was only fourteen years old. I will never forget that day. I was out on the battlefield, as our pack was just wiping out an entire pack, because they hadn't paid their monthly dept in time to Asher's parents and my dad and mom yelled at me to kill the man before me, who was attacking me. I had to or else I wouldn't have survived, but nevertheless that night I was a mess. 

I had ran to my best friend Asher, who had to kill another werewolf way earlier than I did. And it was the worst day of my life, but I knew that rejecting Jasper would be even worse, though hurting our arch enemy was kind of good and should have made me feel amazing. But...he was my mate. I would say goodbye to my mate, my one and only and it didn't matter that it was Jasper...though actually I didn't even fucking know, if I was sad about not being mated to him anymore then or not. I didn't know him, but-...it didn't matter, I had to re...reject him. Asher was quiet for a moment, maybe since there was nothing to say anymore, since I was already doing what he wanted of me.