𝑀𝑦 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 | 𝐶ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑔

Chapter 18

Since Chenle was now staying over at Jisung's house, it meant that the younger could never get away from the older.

It also meant that now, when Chenle didn't want to sleep and instead felt that it would be a good idea to stay up all night for absolutely no reason other than the fact that he could, he would whine and beg until Jisung agreed to stay awake with him.

It was that exact dumb decision on Jisung's part that had led to them having one of their usual everything and nothing midnight conversations, though typically Jisung didn't feel such a strong need to scream into his pillow and cry about how unfair the world was being to him.

"Hey, Sungie," Chenle said, nudging Jisung's shoulder with his own to catch his attention and also to check if the younger was still awake at the late hour.

Chenle was lying in Jisung's bed, unaware of the effect he was having on the other male. They were lying side by side, shoulders touching lightly and legs intertwined. His hair was brushing against the soft skin of Jisung's cheek, tickling him every time the older moved, but he didn't dare move. Even their hands were brushing, and if they were in a romantic movie, that would be the exact moment when Chenle reached out and took Jisung's hand in his.

"Hmm, yeah," Jisung said, his voice low and groggy, as he was quite tired.

"I think," Chenle started nervously, and then he stopped. There was such a long pause before his next words that Jisung wondered if Chenle had fallen asleep, or forgotten what he had planned to say, but at last he spoke, and it was nothing Jisung could have mentally prepared to hear.

"I think I want to start dating again," He said.

That managed to wake Jisung.

He was no longer stuck in his groggy, half-asleep, half-awake state. He was fully awake, his eyes wide as they fixed on a glow in the dark star on his ceiling, the edges starting to peel.

"Why?" He managed to croak out through his tight throat.

Once again, it felt as though there was a fist grabbing Jisung's heart and squeezing it like a stress ball, but instead of helping Jisung deal with the stress, it was only causing him more. It was a painful feeling, and paired with the tightening of his throat and hot tears brimming in his eyes, he found it difficult to speak.

"I've realised that I'm actually really happy for Haeun," Chenle said, "She's in a real relationship. I mean, I know that according to the whole school our relationship was real too, but if she didn't actually feel anything for me, I don't think it counts. She really likes Chaeyeon, and Chaeyeon clearly likes her just as much."

"But what does that have to do with you?" Jisung asked him, already dreading the answer, "Just because she's dating so soon after your breakup doesn't mean you have to do it too. You can wait, take your time."

"It made me realise that my only real relationship was with a lesbian," Chenle said, shaking his head, strands of dyed hair brushing against Jisung's cheek, "I've dated some people before her, but they were never serious. I want something serious with someone, and with someone who actually likes guys this time."

'I like guys,' Jisung thought but didn't say out loud.

"Do you think it's dumb, Jisungie?" Chenle asked, rolling over to face him.

Their faces were extremely close to one another, so close that Jisung could count every one of Chenle's eyelashes. There was only about an inch between their lips and Jisung couldn't help but think that the slightest accidental movement could end with the two of them kissing.

Was that the best thing to be thinking about while they were having a serious conversation? Probably not. Did Jisung know from experience that those sorts of thoughts would only cause him more pain in the end? Yes, he very much did. Did that mean that he was smart enough to stop repeating the same dumb decisions? No, it definitely did not.