𝑀𝑦 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 | 𝐶ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑔

Chapter 15

Chenle was staying at Jisung's house, which would have been nice, if not for the fact that Jisung's parents had kindly offered to let Chenle stay in Jisung's room, the way they had done hundreds of times before when one was sleeping over at the others.

It meant that Jisung had to wake up to Chenle's beautiful sleeping face every day, fall asleep to the sound of his steady breathing, brush his teeth while Chenle washed his face alongside him, make and eat breakfast together with Chenle every morning, get ready for school knowing that Chenle was doing the same thing only a few feet away, and everything else that typically happened between two people living together.

But it played into every one of Jisung's fantasies. His fantasies of moving into an apartment or even a house with Chenle, of living with the older male for the rest of his life, of doing all the domestic things that couples did together, but with Chenle.

"Do you know how hard it is?" He complained to Jaemin, who only rubbed his back comfortingly and allowed Jisung to keep ranting as much as he needed, to get everything off his chest.

"No, I don't," Jaemin answered, "But I know that you should just tell him that you like him, before keeping it a secret ends up breaking you. If you keep this inside, who knows what might happen, Jisungie."

"I'll do it if you do it," Jisung mumbled in response.

"I have a reason," Jaemin exclaimed, "I'm in love with two people at once. Two people who definitely have something going on between them! I don't want to be the one to break apart a relationship between two of my closest friends just because of my dumb feelings. They deserve to be happy together. But Chenle, he's not in a relationship anymore Sungie."

"You deserve to be happy too, Nana hyung," Jisung said, avoiding mentioning the last part of what Jaemin had said.

"You're avoiding the topic."

"No, I'm not." Yes, I am.

"Fine Jisungie, we won't talk about this anymore," Jaemin relented, and even though Jisung was glad that he still had the time to get his thoughts together before he was forced to confront his feelings, he felt bad because Jaemin looked genuinely upset. As much as he tried to hide it, Jisung could tell that his hyung had been hurt by Jisung's words, or rather his lack of words.

"I'm sorry," He apologised, "I'm just not ready yet."

"I know, Sungie," Jaemin said, because he was much too kind for his own good and always willing to forgive Jisung for anything the younger did, "I understand. I'm not ready either, so we have that in common."

- 🐥 & 🐬 -

Whenever night fell, Jisung couldn't stop thinking.

Obviously, he couldn't sleep, and anyone who expected such a thing from him was clearly under the impression that he had much more self-control than he actually did. Because sleeping when there was a living, breathing angel lying beside him was something Jisung could not get himself to do, so he resigned himself to the sleepless nights he would get whilst Chenle's parents dealt with their problems at home.

It gave Jisung plenty of time to mull over every single one of his interactions with Chenle and overthink every single word they had ever shared.

For example, the conversation they had shared the day that Chenle and Haeun had broken up, the one that Chenle had cut off before Jisung could figure out what he could possibly have been trying to say.

- 🐥 & 🐬 -

A few days before, in Jisung's room.

"Can I tell you something?" Chenle asked Jisung.

"Anything, you know that."

"I know I should be heartbroken right now," Chenle admitted, "I know I should be crying and eating tubs of ice cream and missing everything about her. But I don't really. I feel bad about it because I think maybe I was using her. I think I was using her in the same way that she was using me, without either of us really realising it until now."

"What are you saying?" Jisung asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion, "I don't understand. How were you using her, Lele? You loved her didn't you?"

"You know what," Chenle said with a sudden awkward laugh, pulling even further away from Jisung, which made the younger's heart twist painfully in his chest, "Nevermind. It doesn't matter anyway. I was just saying nonsense."

"Are you sure?" Jisung asked, frowning when he realised that Chenle was starting to close himself off, something the older male rarely did when it came to Jisung.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Chenle said in a fake happy tone, waving his hand dismissively, "Now let's do something else. Something that's not so sad and depressing."

- 🐥 & 🐬 -

Jisung's brain was still reeling at the very memory of the conversation, but every explanation that came to mind was something he immediately dismissed, because it was impossible.

Right?

But there was a little voice in the back of Jisung's mind, a hopeful voice that was giving Jisung hope, sounding suspiciously like Jaemin of all people. Damn it, Jaemin.

He had gotten Jisung to start believing that maybe his feelings were not as unrequited as he believed them to be, and now that Haeun was out of the picture, that hope was leading to Jisung slowly losing his mind, even going so far as to hear his hyung's voice speaking in his head.

At least that was what he told himself. He repeated those words like a mantra in his mind, but never aloud, because he no longer had any privacy now that Chenle was living in his home, in the same room even. Jisung could not let himself give in to those hopeful thoughts, not when Chenle was in such a fragile state.

He had to be in control of his own mind more than ever before, because Chenle had already been hurt, he was already starting to break apart like a fragile vase that had been handled without any care, and the only way to make sure he didn't shatter completely was to refrain from doing anything that may surprise the older.

Jisung had already made that promise to himself, so he ignored all the hints that were telling him that maybe there was another similarity between him and Chenle that he hadn't noticed before.

Chenle wasn't gay.

Jisung knew his best friend. He had been by Chenle's side since the two had been children, before they had made any other friends, before they had started going to school together, before their lives felt as though they had actually begun.

Surely Jisung would know such a thing about Chenle if it were true. Chenle trusted him enough to tell him those sorts of things, didn't he?

- 🐥 & 🐬 -

𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑜 𝑔𝑙𝑎𝑑 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝐹𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑦.
𝑆𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑙 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑘.
𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑠 𝑠𝑜 𝐼'𝑚 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑛𝑜𝑤.
𝑅𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑜𝑚 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: 𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔?
𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑝𝑚 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑡.
𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝐼'𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎 ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑖𝑓 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑒𝑙𝑠𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑏𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡.