Severus Snape: The Becoming

Desertion and Death

The castle lay silent and dark. He held his head in his hands at the desk of his former friend. He couldn't stand the weight of collective sadness and anger. The seething vitriol that the staff held towards him barely contained beneath the surface. His chest ached continually with the stress and duality of his life. He couldn't bear to look at himself in the mirror. The hate that he had once directed outward at others now turned inward at himself for getting into this predicament in the first place.

The dark lord was becoming weaker and more erratic, which was the only thing that gave him even a glimmer of hope that Harry was successful in his journey. That night in the forest filled him with fear: both at being caught and that the boy wouldn't find the sword. The Patronus continued to break his heart every time he conjured it, but it was the only thing that Harry would recognize.

Now, he could only wait.

"He's here Severus. He's made it. In the Ravenclaw tower. Can you see the rest of the plan through?" spoke up Albus' portrait, breaking him out of his melancholy

Yes. Continue to play the villain. Abandon his post in typical traitor fashion. Give the staff and students of Hogwarts someone to bond against. A common enemy to defeat so they could feel the pride of goodness and humanity before getting mercilessly slaughtered by the death eaters and the dark lord.

The meaninglessness of the whole situation weighed on his shoulders.

He made his way to the tower, ready to face off against the staff who needed to band together against him. Play into the role that he spent those decades cultivating. So good that no one doubted his treason. It wasn't something to be proud of, the ability to be mean and cruel at a moments notice.

And there wasn't much of a hope for what would happen after. Potter would have to die. He needed to find a way to leave him the memories...He deserved to see his mother and know what had been happening behind his back for all these years. Some sort of balm to dull the edge of facing his mortality and ultimate demise.

He cursed Dumbledore's patchwork plan and refusal to completely trust him with the full truth. How could the dark lord be defeated if the boy died? Perhaps Potter was the final horcrux. And if this didn't completely defeat the dark lord, then there was no doubt that he, Severus Snape would commit double murder, double treason, and kill the dark lord himself.

And if it killed him, so be it.

He heard Minerva before he saw her. He knew Harry was with her, underneath the cloak. He questioned her about patrol duty, and she responded icily, throwing out that he was a Death Eater just like the rest of them. It cut him more than he expected.

He hated having to pretend about those morons Amycus and Alecto. Despised being grouped in with the others. Sensing retribution, he shielded himself from Minerva's attack. She sent a lasso of fire down from the torch on the wall, turning it into a snake, no doubt as an insult to him.

Flitwick's voice flew up from the hallway as Pomona and Slughorn followed behind.

"You'll do no more murder at Hogwarts!"

"Keep it together, there won't be much longer..."he tried to assure himself as he fought and battled his colleagues who truly believed he was evil. His newly formed heart threatened to break open. He couldn't take it anymore: the fighting, the deceit, the malice, the fear, the disgust.

He blasted a hole in a nearby classroom window and flew himself down to the edge of the grounds. He heard Minerva's voice ringing out from behind him

"Coward!"

And perhaps he was. But not for long.

———————

Visions of Lily fluttered through his mind. Her smile. Laughing. When they sat together reading and talking. Wishing he could have kissed her just once. But then the visions turned dark, screaming matches and bloodied fights against James and Sirius. All while she stood aside and watched.