Severus Snape: The Becoming

Solace

"Severus, come on. Why are you doing this to yourself?" Narcissa kicked at him with her foot as he lay sprawled out on the floor of his house, drunk and miserable

"Go away" he grumbled, turning his back from her

"No. Not until you tell me why you care so much?" she grabbed his shoulders and heaved him to a sitting position, handing him a waste bin as he vomited

"You wouldn't understand" he shivered and continued to vomit, fire whiskey burning for the second time

"You're right. I don't understand. You deserve better. She doesn't care Severus. She doesn't care about you. You're wasting your loyalty on someone who continually turns on you.  Why do you keep crawling back?

I didn't tell anyone why you didn't come to dinner. You can't live like this if you want to move up the ranks" Narcissa forced a glass of water into his hands, sitting opposite him with her legs criss cross under her green velvet dress

Moving up the ranks. It was practically being served on a platter to him. Respect. The group turning a blind eye to his half blood status. He had what the dark lord wanted. Smarts, cunning, ambition, and a decidedly grey morality. But, the one thing held him back.

Lily.

Something about her held his soul down. Told him that he was worth something more. As if she was trying to grow a conscience for him. Pushing him to be something he wasn't. He never cared about a common good, and to be honest he may never. Lily always seemed so sure of right and wrong. But right and wrong always seemed so subjective to him and he refused to bend to general consensus just to fit in.

A sharp knock on the door sent both of them into alert. Narcissa forced him to sit, wand in her hand. He knew she was an excellent dualist and that whoever was on the other side of that door should be worried. Plus he was in no condition to spar.

That was his first mistake. Allowing someone to cloud his judgment to this degree. Shame and disappointment boiled up in his throat. He couldn't let this happen again, he had to make a choice.

"Is Severus here?" asked a voice that he would recognize anywhere

"You have a lot of nerve to show up here. That. Or you're incredibly stupid. Probably both" Narcissa spoke coolly, tone neutral

"I just want to talk to him. You're not his keeper" Lily told her stubbornly, the wind from the river blowing into the house

"Neither are you. I see you brought your pet dog to guard you" Narcissa smirked, which told him either Remus or Sirius had joined her

"The last time I checked, you needed your husband's permission to leave the house. Did he let you out for good behavior?" Lily threw back

"Watch your mouth mudblood, remember who you're speaking to" Narcissa raised her wand, eyes set in stone

The marauders didn't trust him. But mostly it showed a lack of trust for Lily. A lack of belief in her skills. And a massive control issue that James wouldn't let her anywhere without a surrogate. Insecurity at its finest.

"Lily wants to set things right with Severus. And give him the chance to do the same. Can we please be civil?" came Remus' voice from outside his door, breaking the tension

"Civility is not something I associate with either of you. I'll ask Severus if he wants to speak with you" Narcissa turned to him, eyebrow raised.

He performed a cleansing charm, sitting up onto his chair, deep breath stretching his lungs

"Leave the dog outside. Narcissa, I appreciate your loyalty, but please give us the room"