Saving Harper

Closure

XAVIER'S POV

Tanga.

Isang linggo ko na yang sinasabi sa sarili ko. Gusto kong bawiin lahat but I knew I had to do it.

Narinig ko kung paano sya umiyak nung nandon sya sa airport sa Kalibo when Harper missed her flight, I might have done the same. Baka nga lumangoy nalang ako pauwi para lang makita ko pa sya one last time. Hearing her cry broke me. Hindi pwedeng ganon. Pag alis ko, hindi ko sya pwedeng iwan ng wala syang gagawin kung hindi mag hintay. I know babalik lang sya dun sa default nyang buhay and I couldn't do that to her.

The most beautiful I've seen Harper's soul was when she was free. Yung hindi sya nakatali sa trabaho, sa pamilya nya and she was just living in the moment. I wanted that for her. Desperately. Pero paano kung magkalayo naman kami? She can't just wait for me para mag simula syang mabuhay.

I suffered almost the same fate kay Kylie kasi wala akong ginawa kung hindi mag hintay dun sa huling dalawang taon ng relasyon namin. It was never a question kung mahal namin yung isa't-isa. We did. It was a matter of us wanting different things already as the years wore down. Na stuck lang ako sa pag hihintay na magkaron sya ng panahon sakin and I don't want Harper to feel like that. Alam ko naman na hindi ako model who needs to travel the world, pero magiging pahirap ng pahirap yung pag aaral ko, so mawawala at mawawalan ako ng panahon.

Ganon naman nagsisimula yon e. Every night phone calls na magiging messages nalang, tapos before you know it, wala ng oras. I will definitely try, pero hahayaan ko lang ba syang mag hintay while I'm trying na maghanap ng oras at panahon? I will only be breaking promises sa loob ng dalawa o tatlong taon na nandito ako. I'd rather her enjoy her life kesa eventually mag aaway kami over all the broken promises. Or worst, mawawalan na sya ng pakielam sa mga pangako kong hindi nagagawa kasi sanay sa sya. Or mawawalan nalang sya ng pakielam period.

I want her to choose herself. It would be unfair na nandito ako doing something for my career that she fully supported, while she was seriously considering letting go of everything she worked hard for para saakin. Lalu na yung career nya and her long-awaited promotion which she deserves. I want the both of us to grow because that's how love is, it should never be selfish.

Muntik nakong hindi tumuloy sa Seattle, kung hindi ko lang naaalala yung sinasabi nyang gagawin ko to for "our future". Harper deserves everything and I will do everything to give her that.

My second day in Seattle, halos masiraan nako ng ulo. I knew Harper already hated me, pero iba din pag galing sa ibang tao. "Pre, she hates your guts. She hates the both of us kasi pinagtanggol pa kita. Don't get me wrong, I really see your point that she has to live her life and yun yung inexplain ko sa kanya, but maybe the letter was too much? You could have talked to her." Sabi ni Franco nung tinawagan ko sya to ask how their conversation went nung nakiusap ako kay Franco na bumalik muna sa Manila for Harper.

"I tried. Nung nalaman kong hindi na sya makakabalik ng Manila, I wanted to tell her what I wanted her to do. To live her life habang wala ako and not to waste her time away waiting for me dahil kahit anong mangyari, hintayin man nya ko or hindi, babalik ako para sa kanya. Pero iyak sya ng iyak dahil di sya nakabalik ng Manila. Nawalan ako ng lakas na sabihin sa kanya." I said defeatedly. Tanga. "Alam ko mali, pero naduwag ako. It's not an excuse, but how could I tell her everything kung iyak na nga sya ng iyak? At that time akala ko the letter would be the best way. The less painful way."

"E bakit hindi mo sya tawagan ngayon?"

"Would she live her life kung tatawagan ko sya ngayon at uulitin yung mga sinabi ko sakanya sa sulat?"