Saving Harper

Oh, Boy

I wasn't able to apologize to Xavier because pag labas ko ng kwarto after talking to my dad, wala na sya. My mom said Xavier apologized to her, Holly, and Hilda and then left. Mukhang nahiya daw dahil dun sa nangyari and feeling nya I needed more time to talk privately with my family. I felt guiltier because of that.

Bakit may plano ka bang hindi sya paalisin?

No, but I could've apologized for my foolishness.

Maybe it's not a good time for me to see him again bilang ang dami ko pang galit sa kanya. I will just keep acting out if we're together, pregnancy hormones or not.

I stared at the beautifully lit christmas tree na tinayo ni Xavier contemplating a lot of things but mainly if I could forgive him. Whenever I get the idea of forgiveness naaalala ko nanaman yung letter nya and how much I cried over it. Sya naman mismo nagsabi na forgiving takes time, lalu na if hindi ka pa ready to give it. As of now, I'm not ready. In fact, gigil parin talaga ako over it. Naiintindihan ko why he said all of those things lalu na because of the traveling that I was able to do, and maybe even the part that he has to let go of me habang nandon sya so I can focus on myself, but it doesn't mean I liked it or it's okay with me. I haven't made my peace with that yet.

When that time comes, mahal ko pa kaya sya?

Sa kakaisip ko sa kanya kagabi, napanaginipan ko sya. Well fine, sya lang naman napapanaginipan ko every damn night.

I was glad Monday na kinabukasan since it also means I have work to distract me. Currently, it's the only thing that remains stable in my life. Sa office wala pang nakakaalam na buntis ako, except Franco. I've made it a point to lay off tight tops and dresses that will announce my growing bump. Di pa din ako sure if I should let them know. Hindi naman ako obligado, pero secretly tinatago ko kasi wala na dun si Xavier. I don't want them thinking na I'm this poor pregnant woman na naiwan ng boyfriend. Nothing wrong with that, pero nakakalungkot lang.

As I was getting dressed parang feeling ko mas mahirap ng itago yung tyan ko ngayon. Totoo ba talaga that the more people you tell that you're pregnant, the more it will show? Harper, buntis ka, of course lalaki yung tyan mo!

I decided to go with a dress pero di na nya masyadong matago yung tyan ko. Hahayaan ko nalang silang mag isip na tumataba ako or whatever they want to think about. I also wore flats dahil ang sakit na din mag heels, bumibigat na din ako ng sobra. Anak kasi, kain ka ng kain.

I opened my bedroom door slowly and peeked. There was no one. Okay, wala yung tatay mong trespasser.

I got my bag, laptop and car keys and went on my way. Nasa elevator pa lang ako pababa ng parking area, nararamdaman ko na yung gutom ko. Love, what's with the appetite? Later na. Maybe I should drive-thru? Kaso pagagalitan ako nila mommy and tita Tanya since nagbilin na sila for me to lay off greasy and unhealthy food.

I was busy thinking of what food to have delivered for breakfast when I felt someone take my laptop bag. I should scream, but my first instinct was to hit the guy with my handbag. And so I did with a full-force swing. Nandito lahat ng files ko omg! Parang gusto ko nalang iabot yung bag ko sa kanya in exchange for my laptop. 

"GUARDDDDD!!" I finally screamed.

"Harper!" I stopped mid-swing as I prepared to hit the culprit again with my handbag. I lowered my bag to see Xavier leaning away from me shielding his head with his arms.