Saving Harper

The Real Muse

 I was still feeling restless kahit na it's been hours already when Xavier brought me home from the ArtFair and I've been like that the entire time we were together the whole night. I can't believe I said to him na he should try having me as his girlfriend! Nakakahiya.

Buti nalang may maiingay na grupo ng mga babaeng dumaan gushing loudly over John Lloyd Cruz who was also there that's why Xavier didn't hear what I blurted out. Thank you, John Lloyd!

I won't be able to handle being rejected or driven away. Especially by people that I care about. Tama si Jem, our families screwed us up big time.

Or maybe, it just wasn't meant to be.

Pero bakit buong Sabado the only feeling I had was I want to be with him?

Kasi hulog ka na Harper. Hulog na hulog. I dug my own grave, I'm lying down on it at parang wala nakong balak tumayo. Haaay. Xavier what did you do to me?

I've never felt this need to be with anyone else before. Yeah sure, may mga times na ganito ako with my exes, but not as strong. Parang bumabalik ako sa pagkabata. Yung wala kang ibang gustong kasama kung hindi yung crush mo at kilig na kilig ka sa lahat ng ginagawa at sinasabi nya kahit na inaasar at pinipikon ka lang naman nya. Na parang kabarkada.

Maybe I'm just bored that's why I'm feeling all this? I ended up cleaning my whole condo to get over my feelings. Therapy. Harper masyado ka ng matanda to be craving kilig moments over some unrequited attraction. Unrequited. Napadiin yung pag scrub ko ng kitchen tiles while I was thinking about that.

Yup I was hopeless.

📱Queen of the Damned: Harper, tea tomorrow at the house. 1pm. You can't say no.

Well ano ano pa bang sasabihin ko sa nanay ko kung hindi na nya ko binigyan ng choice diba? Teka, tea? Seryoso ba? Last time I checked wala naman kami sa Europe. Mga pakana ng nanay ko talaga.

📱Me: Ok as long as there are scones.

She'll probably roll her eyes at my immature reply. Tangina, I wonder if Holly will be there? Feeling ko naman iiwasan nya ko after what happened. Crap. Maybe the tea was with Julian and his parents. Ugggh. I scrubbed more forcefully.

Should I invite Xavier? Having him there would definitely lighten the mood and para mapamukha ko na once and for all to everyone that I already have a boyfriend and Julian and I being together will never ever happen. Pero mukhang madami ding ginagawa si Xavier sa buhay nya. He doesn't even text me on weekends. Or ever. Except kapag may sasabihin lang sya talaga. 

Ay. Bakit Harper may obligasyon ba sya sayo? I frowned at my thoughts and gigil na gigil nako sa tiles ko. This is definitely not therapeutic like I hoped it would be.

That's why Sunday morning, I went for a spa treatment and a massage before heading out to my parents' house, ready to face whatever ridiculous scenario my mom has cooked up.

Pag dating ko, the maid said my parents were out on the terrace. I was relieved na silang tatlo lang nila Hilda yung nandon. I was not in the mood to face Holly. Maybe it was about Hilda's already nearing wedding?