(Sequel to 'The Flaws In Us' and 'your point of view')
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As I thought... he's upset.
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to be dumb.
He huffed. "Being an angry caterpillar,"
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When love was in his hands, Kai was assured that everything would be...
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Kai
"XXXX Police Station," said the voice from my phone as I tried to think straight. My body slides down beside the bed - legs pushed up and against my chest. The weather outside was becoming heavier and heavier like something bad was unleashed in all of its glory.
"H-hello, I want to file a missing person report,"
"May I ask what's your relationship is with the missing person?" They asked.
With a silent sigh, I answered. "He's... my friend," I can't possibly say that he's my boyfriend. I didn't even deserve to wear that title anymore because of what I did to him. "I apologize, sir. But only immediate family members can file a missing person report," replied the man into my ears. I curse when I was being told that way. Of course... Stan's family are still on their trip. How am I supposed to have them go back here?
"But that would be impossible to contact the man's parents as of now because they're abroad...," I reasoned, trying to make the police understand that the situation here is urgent.
I hear some typing sounds coming from the other side of the phone before he answers me. "I see... since it is like that, you can try filing a runaway report for now. Please wait for a while, and I'll connect you to the fitting department,"
With a solemn 'okay', I end the call and waited for the appointment department to call me. In the whole of waiting, I had been staring into the oblivion just winding my head in all of these wrappings. It brings me back teary eyes that were not to be let go no more because of how tired it was of crying. A call then came, and I was soon filing for a runaway report towards Stan's missing. It clenches my heart so deeply when the thought of him missing entered my heart. Therefore, when the report had been made, I stand up from where I sat down and began walking to get out of the place.
As I walk towards the front door where I came entered from, I take the chance to look at everything once again. Those closed curtains of his rooms had delivered me a sight of gloominess. The whole place a shade of grey that wasn't as lively as it was. A shade of grey that is melancholic - sort of singing the songs of sorrow silence. Maybe all this time, I should have acted the way I did. I shouldn't even ignore the love he had given me. Why should I?
It's sad.
We were together... waiting for each other for eight years. Eight years - we had been learning about each other, growing with each other and loving each other to the fullest. We went through our flaws to search what was wrong with us in the first place but nothing seems to avail. Because there were no flaws in our relationship. The only flaw was our own fears and perspective towards what is love.
Then to learn to surpass that by just understanding your point of view and mine. We understand each other so well that I even thought of you a family of mine. Surpassing that stage was a relief, something that made realize that I have forgotten something, but I don't know what it was.
But in all of that chapters of our story... there was nothing waiting for us at the end of the finishing line aside from a breakup.
The obstacles that we have gone through were nothing more than just a stupid distraction, and it meant nothing more when we're not together anymore. What was the point? Yet...
Just how selfish can a person get?
Just how selfish can I get?!
I ran towards my car with the rain pouring down onto my already soaked body. The water from the grey clouds mixed with my own tears as I can't handle everything anymore. It was so horrible of me. To ever do that to him. And when we broke up, I never even tried to think that it was my fault.
It was my fault.
Just how selfish was I! Only thinking of my own goddamn feelings...?
I blew us up. I blew everything that was right of us. Because I was tired of work... because I wanted to prove to everyone at work that I can do better, that I needed to do better. I was taking sides with work that I was fighting with love when in that same moment, I had to chase time.
Can I ever forgive myself?
Can you ever forgive me for doing this?
Why do I have to destroy what I love so much?
Towards me... you were so kind. You were so understanding that I was busy and yet you never even say a word of complaint about it. Just how much have you... put up with me. I feel like I am not worthy to be put up.
It's all me... it was all me.
I cried louder fighting with the rain that cried the same amount of tears like me. Not having the strength to get into the car, I crouch down beside the car - my body was against the body of it and I continued crying even more and more.
Ashamed of myself, I cover my face while I can only hear the sound of my sobs mixed with the heavy poignant rain. I can't believe that all this time I have been taping his mouth and tying his hands to himself to even tell me about his feelings. And now, his past self came haunting me because I did the wrong. To remind me about him, to remind me about what we were - about you, about me, about love and about what I have lost in my life just because I didn't care.
"S-...," I mumbled, struggling to say the word properly because of how terrible I was.
"I'm s-sorry," I cried, speaking to no one as if it would bring it all back.
"I'm sorry!"
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I drove back home after recollecting myself from the most excruciating cry I ever had. When I did finish crying, the rain had stopped, and it brings me back to the drive home with the glowing light cast through the grey clouds that shine over my damp face - my red eyes that started to irritate the skin below.
In the car was just silence and my mind was just thinking too much about what would happen if I come home. Will the twenty-two Stan go home? If he does, then I would have no chance to say sorry to him in advance.
Even if I would never see him again, I needed to apologize... because I burn us down. He needs to know that.
He needs to know the whole true truth. Because if it didn't, I would have just told him that he would leave me in the future without any solid reason. Yet there was, and the reason was me.
Then... we could call it even. I broke his heart by not being there for him when he needed me the most and I certainly break my own heart ten times more for not realizing that I was the black sheep, the toxic in our relationship.
He would never break my heart. He's just too kind for me... too understanding, too perfect of a lover. I couldn't compare to that, not in a million years if I didn't learn from mistakes. So when I finally arrive back home, I walk up towards the path leading to the front door with an acceptance that this was it. This was the final ending, the true ending. The end of us.
I stand in front of the door, waiting for it to magically open on its own. But I know I needed to take a step. With all the courage and strength I had, I open the door slowly to face the love I broke for the last time ever. This was it... this was the last time I will ever see of you, Stan.
Thereupon, steps began making its way towards me and from afar, I can see him walking at me with a worried look plastered on his face.
