Vampire Kisses

87: Kokichi

I woke up back in the mindscape as I expected to...but I felt so angry because of this. I felt mad at Shuichi for making my life miserable. This is all his fault. He bit me in the first place making my body react like this to the elemental vampire that was inside of me. He made all this misfortune happen to me. So why do I have to care about him? He just wants to hurt me the same as he already has.

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He pinned me to the wall pulling me up by my scarf. I knew he was acting off before I just didn't know it was going to get this bad...I could tell that this was hurting Shuichi more than it was hurting me. His teeth plunged into my neck and I flinched. It hurt and felt hella uncomfortable...I could only focus on Shuichi and his hot breath on my neck. So it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would...I felt quiet please leaving my mouth. 'Please stop...this isn't you...please...'

The fear he caused me when he bit me. I remember it all now. He left me alone after taking my blood away from me...and he just expects me to forgive him for all the pain he caused me. For all the misery he made me feel. It's so dispicable of him to do this to me. And then he even called me baby? Honestly...he is just trying to make me forgive him so he can take more of my blood--or even use me for the powers I now have.

.

I nudged Shuichi's shoulder making him turn to face me. "Hey, Shu...I was wondering how anxious you would get if I had to leave you alone for a while..." I whispered, keeping my voice low. "You can go, don't make me hold you back from doing what you love!" He whispered back. I smiled at how cute he was being...but damn why can't he just answer my question...

The ways he lied to me to try to make me feel better. I hate liars and Shuichi is one of the worst ones.

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"Your wound is fine! Just go to find Shuichi!" She said before driving away leaving me alone on the sidewalk. It has already gotten dark...I should go and find him...I tried calling him again at least another 20 times before I gave up. He isn't picking up because of how I treated him earlier...God, I wish I knew where he was.

I needed him there for me and he ran away because of his own self doubts. Some kind of boyfriend he is.

.

They all left you!

He only wants to pity you!

They don't understand!

They never will!!

You will always be alone Kokichi!!

I knew I was shaking and I tried to look at Shuichi but my eyes were squeezed closed. I couldn't move or anything...why is this happening?!

I can't hear Shuichi!! I can't hear anything!! Please let me hear him!! I want to feel safe!! Oh god...I can't do this...I'm all alone again...I don't want to be alone again!! Screams made my thoughts all become a yell that soon started to make no sense...it was just screaming as if it was in pain...as if I was in pain...as if he was in pain...

Shuichi!

I love you!!

Please love me back!

I don't want to lose you too!!

I just got you back!!

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I like being able to have someone this close to me but that's why I feel nervous about it...because what if he leaves? What will I do then? I will be all alone again...hated by everyone...I don't want that to happen...but it always does...I shouldn't expect anything else...I don't want to get hurt again.

All the nights I felt so alone I cried to myself...all those times I hurt myself on the outside because the mental pain became too much...all those times I tried to end all of this...I'm glad my friends have stayed by my side...and I have no clue how they have stayed with me this long...

I felt my shoulders slump. I could lose Shuichi... I turned back around and just blankly stared out the window.

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After a moment he immediately stood up and left the room. I immediately felt my eyes shoot open. "Shuichi!" I felt tears coming out of my eyes and sobs start bursting through my throat.

I remember the first time he bit me I got emotional when he left...but it wasn't this bad. All of the thoughts were plagued with sadness and loneliness. I couldn't think of anything other than the fact that Shuichi wasn't there beside me.

He was probably gone for about five minutes and I already was bawling and clinging to his pillow. I was going to reach for his jacket hanging on the chair...but I couldn't bear to move away from the warmth on the bed...his warmth on the bed.

Why did he leave me? Am I not good enough? Is it because I'm so disgusting he doesn't want me anymore? I know I'm not much to look at or something many people want to be around...but why...why did he leave me?!

"Why did you leave me?" I sobbed my tears are staining his shirt. I wanted to apologize for the scene I'm causing and the mess I'm making but I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth.

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These memories came into my mind and reminded me of all the terrible things Shuichi has done to me...all his faults and mess ups that ended up hurting me. So what's the point of staying around him? I have no feelings for him anyway, I don't understand why we were together in the first place.

I felt the painful feeling come back to my chest again making some tears fall down my face. I can't do this...not anymore! I just can't! I have caused Syn so much pain...she should be able to find a better suitor for this power...I shouldn't have this power. I shouldn't even have Shuichi...god.

"I can't do this anymore!" I cried out holding my fist over my eyes. "Please don't make me have to endure this any longer!" I called out but no answer came...

"Please I don't want to be alone..." I whimpered before I put my hands over my eyes as I sobbed. I felt all the pain that I was holding in fall down. My mask I tried so hard to maintain fell to the ground and shattered as I silently screamed into the room. It was dark and there wasn't anything in sight...I felt so alone. I hate being alone...I was always alone back then. And I always seem to be alone now...with Shuichi I felt wanted, I felt needed...but now it's all gone.

Everything I had is gone...it's always something that leaves me. That's why I always have this underlying unbelief of others...because they all lie. They say they are there for me, and then when their life gets in a pinch they forget about things even if I feel like shit and I'm sitting on my bed feeling like ending it all...they forget. I don't blame them though, I'm easy to forget because I always have my mask on, making them all believe that I'm fine.

"I'm fine," I said standing up with a blank expression on my face. All of my emotions disappeared in this moment..gone just like that. "I'm alright!" I smiled picking up the pieces of my mask and placing them back onto my tear stained face.

I knew I was made to be alone, and maybe without Shuichi or Syn in my life then maybe I would be able to be content with myself. They have taken so much from me and-

Kokichi

"Who the fuck are you? Syn? I thought I told you to get lost!" I called out before the voice came again.

You need to remember.

"Remember what?" I asked, feeling irritation coating my words.

Remember the truth, your truth

-Here is the next part! Jumping into some older parts out of context--haha--anyway! Thank you all so much for reading! And thank you all so much for 1k followers on Wattpad!-

-SK-