Vampire Kisses

21: Kokichi

"Shuichi are you ready to go to sleep? I'm tired~," I said playfully falling into his chest. I felt him groan while I wrapped my arms around his torso.

I felt more exhausted when he did this. I mean I was already really tired from the intense day that we both had today...being with Shuichi, it's kind of a given that this is going to be different from the average high school relationship.

You know those relationships that they say 'I love you' and 'we are going to be together forever' when it only lasts for a week or so...not all of them are like that obviously...but most of them are and it makes me sad...

"Yeah, I'm exhausted..." He said moving his hands to rub the small of my back. This made me relax more into his touch.

I moved closer to Shuichi trying to push my thoughts away. It was nice to be held. I remember how many times I wanted nothing more to be held by someone and told me that it was going to be ok or that they would be there for me...but that never happened. This made me want hugs from others and other endearing touches...but never really got any because of my non-existent family and few friends...

"Mph..." I mumbled into his chest letting myself fall limp in his arms. I felt him shift around a bit on the bed so we could lay down side by side. His arms were still around me as he slowly pulled me closer to his chest.

"Hmm, Goodnight my love," He hummed into my ear before he placed a kiss on my cheek. After that, I fell asleep.

I feel like I have been sleeping better since we have gotten together. But even then...I still hate waking up...just feeling all the stress of having to go through another day...it's so exhausting and makes me feel like I never went to sleep in the first place.

I didn't even know what happened in any of the dreams I might have had. I can't remember having a dream, this is normal for me. Dreaming is a luxury when I get one...because then it distracts me from all of my thoughts...and worse the nightmares...

.   .   .

I felt myself shuffle around the bed for a moment before my eyes fluttered open. 'Another day huh?' I asked myself feeling my shoulders slump before I looked over at Shuichi. I know that every time I look at him or even when I think about him everything just seems so much easier...and that I'm not alone anymore.

I felt the memory of my mother's funeral come to my mind. I felt the same sadness I felt the day I lost her all over again...she was always there for me whenever I skinned my knee or whenever I wanted to talk about anything...but then one day she was gone...

"Kokichi?" Shuichi brushed his thumbs over my cheeks wiping my tears away. It took me a minute to realize by the look he was giving me that he had the same memory...

"Sorry, Shuichi! I didn't mean for that to come to my mind!" I felt my heartbeat quicken as my vision blurred. It's like the funeral all over again...

"It's ok...I'm right here..." Was all I could make out before all the sounds around me went muffled. I closed my eyes and moved my hands over my ears. My body immediately went into a fetal position to try and protect myself from my fear...it was making the world so quiet while my thoughts are so damn loud!

They all left you!

He only wants to pity you!

They don't understand!

They never will!!

You will always be alone Kokichi!!

I knew I was shaking and I tried to look at Shuichi but my eyes were squeezed closed. I couldn't move or anything...why is this happening?!

I can't hear Shuichi!! I can't hear anything!! Please let me hear him!! I want to feel safe!! Oh god...I can't do this...I'm all alone again...I don't want to be alone again!! Screams made my thoughts all become a yell that soon started to make no sense...it was just screaming as if it was in pain...as if I was in pain...as if he was in pain...

Shuichi!

I love you!!

Please love me back!

I don't want to lose you too!!

I just got you back!!

After eternities of my thoughts drowning me until I felt like I was lost in the abyss of my depression...I don't want to go back here...I want to be with Shuichi...I want to feel safe in his arms again...I want to kiss him again...feeling his lips on mine while his arms pull me close...making me feel safe...

"It's ok...I'm always going to be here...I'll keep you safe..." Shuichi came back to me, pulling me out of my hole...I can hear you! I can hear you! I'm not alone anymore...with the little energy I had, I wrapped my arms around him and held him as tightly as I could.

"Kokichi?! You're alright! I love you so much!" He said into my ear keeping his voice hushed. I smiled and let myself sob onto his shoulder.

"Shuichi...you're back...you're here...for me..." I whispered with my hoarse voice. I hated having to feel this nervous and anxious...but I'm glad Shuichi was here to help me out of it.

When I was younger...or before I met Shuichi I always had to deal with all of this on my own. Crying into my knees while I was curled in a ball. Choking on my screams so no one would come to find me so they would call me weak...wanting nothing more than to just curl up and die...

"I'm here ok? I love you," He slowly kissed me all over my face. Slowly moving his lips across my tear-stained face. Holding my face in his hands for a moment before he went back to holding me close to him. I feel safe. I'm glad he doesn't just leave me whenever I break down...like the rest of them all did...

"Do you want me to call in sick for both of us today? Just tell Kyoko what's going on?" He asked looking me in my eyes. I felt so sick from the breakdown and all the crying...the DICE members all know that sometimes I have to just stay in my room for the majority of the day because of things like this happening.

"Yeah...sorry I'm making you miss school..." I whispered feeling my body slump against his again. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"I don't mind Kokichi. I love you and I want to make sure you are ok...I want you to be happy." He said quietly. I let myself nod against his chest making him giggle.

"I'll just text Kyoko and Cathy then ok?" He asked one more time. I gave him another nod and he pulled out his phone and called them while I fell asleep against him again.

Maybe this is just because of being close to him...I wonder what would happen if he changed me? He might feel scared to do that to me...seeing how he reacted to the bite...maybe another time...or- no, I shouldn't be thinking about this now...I need to get some rest so I can be with Shuichi.

I love you so much Shu~

-Here you all go! I hope you enjoy! Sorry, I have been having another one of those days...anyway. thank you all so much for reading!!-

-ShuichiOuma010-