Domineering

Twenty-Nine

My birthday is in three days. It isn't until Eleanor starting talking about preparing for Christmas that I realise I don't even know what the date is.

"What date is it?" I ask Eleanor as soon as the word Christmas leaves her mouth. Everyone at the table looks at me. I rarely speak when we have a big dinner with all of the main boys of the gang, so my question clearly surprises them.

"The 1st of December. Why?" My eyes widen.

"My birthday is on the 4th.”

“That explains the phone calls” Harry mutters under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear and I turn my head towards him in confusion.

“Oh my God we have to do something!” Eleanor bursts out then realises what she’s said and covers her mouth with her hands. “Sorry” she apologises for making her demand.

“I'll think about it" Harry says. After a long moment of silence I pluck up the courage to speak again.

“What did you say about phone calls?”

Harry licks his lips, placing his cutlery down before speaking. “Your parents keep ringing your phone. You can text them later, then maybe I’ll get some peace.” I look at him and he stares back with a hard stare, giving nothing away. I quickly look back to my plate and continue eating.

I wish I had never said anything now. I don't want them to make a fuss about my birthday. Yes I've known them for months but I don't considered us close friends and I don't want it to end up like Niall's birthday dinner.

I tilt my head forward so that my hair hides my face as I squeeze my eyes closed tightly as I remember that night. The first five gunshots. The panic and anxiety. My first near death experience.

I don't want to go through that again.

If anyone has noticed my discomfort, they don't say anything and I'm glad because I'm so tired of being weak.

Like almost every night, I help Eleanor clear the table however, this time I tell her to go sit down and that I'll do the dishes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's fine, you deserve a little break" I smile at her.

"Aww thank you!" She pulls me in for a hug, squeezing my arm then leaves me to clean.

I welcome the quiet as I fill the sink with hot water.

Someone enters the kitchen, they are given away by the sound of their shoes on the tiled floor. I ignore them, hoping they've just come in to get another drink and will leave soon.

"Everything alright?" Liam asks. I take a deep breath and look over my shoulder to give him a smile.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Really?" He drags out the word, insinuating that I'm not. I remove my hands from the hot water and grip the edge of the kitchen counter.

"I'm fine" I repeat, hoping he will just accept it.

He doesn't.

"Come on River. We can't help you if we don't know what's going on in your head" he's closer now, I can't tell how close as I am still facing away from him.