Domineering

Twenty-Six

"Talk to me" Harry pleads after another unsuccessful session with Harley.

"About what?" I reply quietly, staring at a loose thread on the leg of my jeans to avoid looking at Harry.

"Anything, how you feel, what's going through your head, anything. I just need something" he sighs, running a hand through his hair. I take in a deep breath before releasing it slowly.

"I'm a bad person"

"Why do you think that?"

"Oh I don't know, it might have something to do with the person I fucking killed" I say sarcastically in a harsh tone.

There's a long silence as Harry thinks how to reply and probably trying to calm himself too.

"You had to do it River, you need to understand that. There was reason behind it, call it what you like - self defence or whatever but there was a good reason behind it. If you hadn't have killed him then you might not be alive right now. These people that I deal with everyday will not hesitate to use you or anything else that I care about to have the upper hand. It's happened before with Eleanor but I will do everything in my power so it never happens to you. You killed that man to protect yourself which was the right thing to do." He leans forward, reaching his hand out and placing a finger under my chin to lift it, forcing me to look at him. "You are not a bad person River, you're far from it." I give him a small nod and look away from him.

-

I'm trying so hard to fight it, but the ache in the back of my throat is stopping me. The first few tears come slowly but I soon give in. I hold my breath, to check if Harry is still asleep and breathing steadily beside me before I let out the shaky breath and let everything go. My face is screwed up and I'm trying so hard to cry quietly, so that I can have this moment of weakness to myself. Harry stirs causing my breath to hitch and my heart to beat faster as I anticipate him waking up. But all he does is roll over, removing his hand from my waist to rest on his stomach. I take this opportunity to get away and creep out of the room and down the stairs, praying that Harry, Eleanor and Louis wouldn't wake up.

In the kitchen I flick the kettle on to boil, busying myself by quietly shuffling things around in the cupboards while I wait for the water to boil. As soon as it's done I fill the mug I retrieve from the cupboard and stir in some milk. I leave the spoon in the mug and place it on the breakfast bar, taking a seat. I continue to stir it, eyes staring off into the distance and settling on a spot on the countertop in front of me.

I don't know how long Harry has been watching me when my eyes fix on him as a result of seeing movement in the corner of my eyes, but he pauses when my eyes settle on him. He continues  over to me after a few moments, approaching with caution and stands on the opposite side of the kitchen isle with both of his hands pressed on the countertop.

"I thought you'd gone" he says, voice raspy due to having just woke up. A frown is etched on his face as if he is in deep thought. I open my mouth to tell him that I'm not going to run away. I haven't thought about running away in a while. I can't do it now, I need these people. I need Harry. But Harry speaks again before I can, "I thought someone had taken you."

I shake my head slightly, a small smile forms on my face as realise I'd misunderstood him, "I'm here." Harry's frown deepens.

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"No"

"Can't you sleep?"

I pause, contemplating whether to lie or not. I decide against it. "I don't want to sleep" I go back to stirring my tea and he sighs. "I can't sleep"