Domineering

Nineteen

I’m back at the restaurant, though it’s no longer lit with warm lighting, it’s dark, the only light is from the moon outside. Several gunshots go off, though they’re muffled. I look around me, franticly searching for Harry, for safety. I can’t find him, or anyone I recognise. Figures close in all around me, I’m frozen in my chair, waiting for it all to end. I can’t do anything, I’m frozen with fear. But I don’t give in; I search around for Harry again. Relief washes over me when I see his piercing green eyes, his figure approaches me along with the others. He stalks towards me, an unsettling feeling overtakes my relief when I realise he’s not coming to save me. The moonlight reflects off of an object in Harry’s hands, it doesn’t take me long to realise what it is. He stands in front of me now, the gun is held out, pointing towards my chest. My deep and ragged breathes pierce the silence, I look at Harry, waiting for him to make a move. Maybe he’s just playing along with the other people, maybe he won’t kill me. But I know I’m kidding myself, he’s going to kill me of course he is. I catch see his finger twitch and the sound of the gunshot echos through the restaurant.

My body flinches, waking me from my nightmare. My hair sticks to my forehead and my breathing is heavy. I feel a hand rest on my waist and I instinctively move away from it.

"River it's me" Harry's groggy but alert voice says, trying to reassure me. I sit up and bring my elbows to rest on my knees and hold my head in my hands.

It felt so real, I was so sure it was real this time.

"What is it?" Harry asks, his hand rests on my lower back this time and he is now sitting.

"Just a nightmare" I reply, my throat feels like it's closing up so my voice doesn't really sound like my own. 'Just a nightmare' is an understatement, it was hell and this probably isn't the end of them.

"Do you...do you want to talk about it?" He seems wary, unsure whether it's the right thing to say. I shake my head, not wanting to recall the images but instead shove them as far back into my mind as possible. It wasn't much different to my previous nightmare, it ended the same way: getting shot by Harry.

He moves his other hand to rest on my thigh, rubbing small circles on it.

“It just doesn’t end” I whisper, managing to slow down my desperate breathes long enough to speak.

“What?” Harry’s voice is filled with confusion, I shake my head, not wanting to explain it.

It just doesn’t end. I wake up and I’m still in a nightmare. I just crave safety, normalness again. Just anything except this, here and now. I don’t want to be here, despite things getting better. Last night feels unrealistic and I’m still questioning whether it actually happened or whether it was just a dream. I don’t understand it all. Why would the rival gang just burst in and shoot aimlessly, at anyone. If they want to have something to use against Harry then why not just take me? I shut my eyes to shake away the thought- no, I don’t want them to take me. This whole situation is making me think irrationally.

I lean my body against Harry, my eyelids become heavy and I’m trying my hardest to fight my tiredness. Though I’m still alert, there’s adrenaline pumping in me from my nightmare but I don’t want to fall asleep again. If I do, then I may have another nightmare. My eyes begin to water, growing frustrated with my endless problems, I don’t hold my tears back though. I let them fall onto Harry’s bare chest.

“River just tell me what’s going on” Harry’s voice is pleading, almost desperate.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to change anything” I mumble into his skin, trying to hide my face from him. Nothing I say will change what will happen. I can’t change the situation I’m in, I’ve already tried running away and for some reason I feel like I should stay despite being in danger. I can’t change what Harry’s gang or the rival gang do.