Domineering

Thirty-Two

"If you don't eat something soon then I'll have no choice but to force feed you which is something that I don't want to do River. Please just eat something" Liam pleads from a distance. When I don't respond he puts the plate of carbohydrates on the table and leaves with a loud sigh.

I'm not punishing myself and I'm not trying to make things harder for Liam and Niall. I don't know what I'm doing but I know it's not healthy. But it isn't going to change anything. It's got to be easier to wallow in self-pity than pretend that I'm okay. I haven't slept a full night since getting here and I barely say more than a handful of words if I can help it.

My birthday seems like it was a week ago but it was only a few days ago. If time is going to pass this slowly then I'll lose my mind by the end of the week, if I haven't already lost it.

~

Liam rushes into my room after I wake up screaming from a nightmare. I crawl back against the headboard but relax a little when I realise it's him.

"What happened? Are you alright?"

"It's nothing, just go"

"Did you have a nightmare again?"

"No" I deny it but he definitely knows I'm lying.

"I can stay here until you fall asleep, if you want?"

"Just go" I say more firmly and I hate myself for doing it. I shouldn't take my anger and frustration out on him.

~

It's a few weeks after Harry left. I've barely slept or ate and I can tell Liam and Niall are losing it. It's only a matter of time before one of them lashes out at me. I'm being difficult with them but I have no hope and no reason to live.

One evening, when Liam and Niall think I'm in my room, they sit in the office chatting. Little do they know that I'm just around the corner, trying to overhear anything about where Harry is or what he is doing.

"We have to do something" Niall says.

"I can't force feed her, there's a line and that would be crossing it. It's different with her." Liam sighs. "I'm running out of ideas."

"Can't we bring Harley over to work with her?"

"That might work but it's risky, Tarna are probably tracking everyone they can." Liam sounds stressed, unsurprisingly.

"Yeah but we need to do it or she's going to be nothing but bones when Harry's back." There's a hum of agreement in reply.

"I'll call him now" Liam sighs.

I leave before I can get caught eavesdropping.

~

"River, we need to talk" I hadn't noticed Liam's entrance into the library until he spoke. I shut my book, turn toward him and wait for him to continue. "Harley will be arriving this evening. We think it would be good for you to have some session with him for you to deal with this...current situation."

I sigh and turn my head to stare out of the window.

"You know, you don't have to beat around the bush. I'm supposedly not dealing well with Harry abandoning me so you've got Harley to come and fix me" my tone is laced with accusation.

"I just want to help you River, we all do. I don't know why you're saying it like we're punishing you because we're not. Harley's session are helpful, I wouldn't have brought him here if they weren't. Do you understand?

Answer me River"

"Yes I understand" I spit out.

"We're on the same side, if you need anything or if you have any questions, I'm right here." Liam stands from his perch on the table and proceeds to walk out.