Love, Lies, and Insanity

Regrets

Another day had passed, I hadn't talked to Mr.Todd. I found him terrifying. He was a man who didn't care for anyone. I went to sleep without another thought.

————————————————————————

My eyes burst open. I was fearful. Whatever I had just dreamed made me wake up in a cold sweat. It was early morning, since it was only one or two in the morning. I stirred trying to get back to sleep, but too many thoughts from my past flooded my head.

I rolled off the bed and onto my feet. I could feel myself sweating through my night gown, so I quickly slipped it off and put on a different one. It was partially sheer, but I didn't care. It's not like anyone would be up at such an hour.

I made my way to the kitchen and got out a tea kettle. I poured some water in as I heard some footsteps behind me. The same ones I had heard the night prior, although this time I wasn't going to attack him. I slowly walked over to the fire and placed the kettle over it to boil. I could feel Mr. Todd's eyes carefully observed every single movement that I made. I decided it was best to ignore him. I thought that he obviously came down here for something, he'll soon be gone.

I went and grabbed a tea bag still choosing to avoid Mr.T, as I walked back over to the kettle and waited to hear it whistle.

I felt a cold harsh hand on my shoulder "Kate," Mr.Todd said forcing me to turn and face the man that terrified me most. "why are you awake at this hour?" He asked. I couldn't tell what he wanted from me, but I was more scared of him than anything.

" I couldn't sleep sir, I decided to make some tea since it usually calms me down. Would you like some?" I cringed at the thought of being nice to such a cruel man. Even though I was probably just as much at fault as he was.

"No" he replied is a harsh tone.

"What are you doing up, sir?" I asked. Did he come to pace around Mrs. Lovett's shop? He didn't respond to my question. I heard the kettle begin to whistle. I quickly grabbed it off off the fire and began pouring it into my tea cup. I let it sit as I began walking around the shop looking for something to do, trying to distract myself from engaging in conversation with Mr. T.

I had moved far away when I felt his cold, unsettling presence behind me "Kate" he began. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest. Why did this man terrify me so much? Was it because he watched me murder Adolfo and didn't say anything? "Where are you from?" He asked. I was a little nervous to give my answer. What was I to say? Birmingham? London? The workhouse?

"I don't think that's any of your business, sir. But if you must know I grew up in a workhouse." He looked at me as if he's heard my story before. I had a feeling I knew him, but I couldn't put my finger on where I knew him from.

"How old are you Kate?" He asked. What an odd question. I didn't want to respond knowing I would be frowned upon for having a child that is only half my age. Even if Tobias wasn't my blood child, it's hard to explain how I acquired him. I hate remembering the time I spent in the workhouse.

"31, sir" I said quietly hoping he hadn't heard me.

"31?" He asked. I knew he was thinking about the boy. "Who is that boys father?" I couldn't comprehend why he would ask that. Such a rude question. I felt my eyes begin to tear up as he glared at me waiting for my response. Only he could make me cry rivers out of pure terror. I didn't know what to say, Mr. Todd kept his deathly glare set on me until I came up with an answer.

"Sir, that is none of your business and frankly nobody's besides his father and mother!" It was hard for those words to trickle out of my mouth, but I choked out every single one. The tears in my eyes about to overflow. I hated every part of my past. I regret not being able to bear my own child. I knew nothing of Toby's parents and I wished I knew everything about him. I wished I could tell Toby that I knew everything and the world was a perfect place, but I simply couldn't lie to the child like that. And I knew Toby had already been through enough to know I'd be lying.