Deep Down | BTS |

Shadow

    Jae approached Yoongi from behind, and his ears twitched as soon as she got closer. She knew he knew she was there, which made her feel even more unsure about what to say. "Hey." Hey? That's it? Just hey? What's wrong with you?

    "...Hey." he responded, still not looking at her. She took that as a good enough invitation to sit down next to him. He looked a little pale, and his eyes were a little glossed over. His dark hair was blowing gently in the wind, and she could see a little undercut. "You scared us earlier, you know." he murmured. "I know a panic attack when I see one. I've had my fair share of them." he said it so casually but it still made Jae's heart hurt.

    "O-oh...yeah I...I get those sometimes. I'm sorry you have to deal with it too." Jae said, trying to keep a conversation going. "Hobi has some great tricks to help. I would tell you them myself but I'm sure I wouldn't explain it right." he sighed. "How does he know? Does he have them too?" she asked, curious.

    "I think so, after all the guy was locked up for years on end. I think he's lucky to be how he is now. But ever since you've come along he seems to be a lot more confident, and braver. I think you've helped him a lot." he said.

    Jae could tell he was being hard on himself just by the way he was speaking. She figured the best way to do this might just be to be straightforward.

    " Yoongi, I want to ask you..." he glanced at her lazily. "You're not blaming yourself for what happened, are you?" She was asking a question she already knew but she wanted to see his response. He sighed deeply, "Yeah. I am."

    Jae was shocked that he just admitted it to her outright, so she didn't say a word for a moment. He started talking again, "I should have checked to make sure he was knocked out. I always check. I messed up, and you almost got injured, and Namjoon ended up being the one to take it. All because I wasn't as thorough like I usually am. You or him could have died." he gritted his teeth in frustration and Jae understood it. After all, she was being hard on herself too.

    "I guess being hard on ourselves is something we have in common." Jae said quietly. He looked at her again, and she got a small smile out of him, "I guess so." They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Jae spoke again, "Do you want to know why I had a panic attack?" he just looked at her, not pressuring or pushing her to speak.

    Jae started to twiddle her thumbs. "I lost someone very important to me when I was young. She was a hybrid, and she was my friend. To be more specific, my father-" she couldn't say the words. "He just...disposed of her like it was nothing. And at the time, I believed it was my fault. Sometimes, on really bad days, I still feel that way." she stopped to take a breath. Yoongi was listening intently, which made her heart sore.

    "So, when it looked like another hybrid that I care about might have died...I just couldn't handle it. I wouldn't know what to do if something had happened to him, or to you, or the others...I wouldn't be able to live with that guilt. I don't even want to think about my life without any of you-" she paused, looking at Yoongi's raised eyebrows she knew she had said too much.

    "Uh-sorry I-" suddenly her wrists were pulled towards Yoongi and he was hugging her tightly. The action surprised her, so much that she was limp in his arms at first. She could hear his heart beating fast through his chest. "I promise you, here and now, I will do everything I can to make sure you don't have to go through that again. I'll be careful, and I'll make sure the others are, too. But you need to know something." He said sternly, pulling away from her and staring straight into her soul.

    His eyes were glinting in the soft moonlight. Jae couldn't look away if she wanted to, he was stunning and his gaze made her want to melt. "We all care about you. I think you're observant enough to notice that we all want to be around you all the time. What Namjoon did for you, any of us would have done, because we care about you. We're..." he trailed off, hesitation apparent in his voice.