Song of the Wind

Kabanata 38

Fear

Addicted to you:

How are you there?

Ilang oras na ang nakalipas nang huli niyang sinend iyon sa akin. Tinignan ko lang ang sinabi niya at hindi pa rin ni re-reply-an. I don't have the courage to mend things with him. Unlike when I was still in Monaco, I am trying my best to not think about it.

Hindi na naman ako nakatulog kahit pinipilit kong matulog. Puyat na rin si Rowan dahil sa akin kaya sinikap ko na magtulog-tulogan pero ramdam pa rin ni Rowan iyon.

I cried and hugged my dog. Akala ko maaayos ko na ang problema ko kapag nakauwi na at makausap si Sandro. Mas lalong lumala lang.

Hindi lang lungkot ang naramdaman ko, inis na rin. The bitterness of the past is lingering within me. Naalala ko na naman ang pinaghirapan ni Mommy dahil sa Graciella na 'yon.

From loneliness, anger consumed me. It was a shortwhile emotion. Natuto na rin siguro ang katawan ko na baliwalain ang ingay sa paligid.

My only mistake is that I let Sandro enter my life once again. Nasaktan ako. Kung sana ay ipinagpatuloy ko na lang ang masaya kong buhay dito sa Switzerland, sana nakangiti pa ako ngayon.

That night, I packed my clothes again and called for our jet. Kahit gabi na, nagpaalam ako kay Mommy na gusto ko munang mag travel.

Mommy:

I thought you want there?

Ako:

I'm sorry, My. I thought I'll be okay if I go home early. I realized I want to travel.

Mommy:

Okay, but our pilot will be available by five in the morning. Is that okay with you?

Ako:

Yes, Mommy. That's okay.

Mommy:

And where do you plan to go?

Honestly, I don't know. But I want to retrace my steps back to where it all started.

Ako:

Japan.

Nasa airport na naman ako para sa flight ko patungong Japan. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Emptiness enveloped my face.

Kahit nakasakay na ako sa eroplano at nasa himpapawid na, lumilipad din ang utak ko sa iba't ibang bagay. Nawala lang iyon nang lumapit sa akin ang flight attendant at may sinabi sa akin.

"Madame Seranilla, we'll be having a stop over to New York. Engineer Seranilla informed us that a very important engineer of your company will be flying with us to Japan."

I lazily nodded my head and tried to sleep. To my surprise, nakatulog ako. Dulot na rin ng pagod at walang tulog. It's also Rowan's chance to sleep.

Nagising na lang ako nang bumukas ang pinto ng eroplano. Doon ko lang natanto na nasa New York na pala kami.

I checked the time and it's already 1 in the afternoon, Switzerland time. I stretched my limbs and stared at my dog who is laying beside me. I nuzzled my palm on the head to the back of my dog. He enjoyed it.

Natutuwa ako sa aking aso. Natatanggal lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko dahil sa kanya. His cuteness and sweetness melts the pain away in my heart. I'll really cry rivers when time comes that he'll die. I'll never know peace.

Ramdam ko ang muta sa aking mata at nagpasyang mag-ayos ako ng sarili. May bathroom naman dito at malawak ang espasyo para makapagbihis. That's what I did. Naligo ako at nagayos dahil nakakahiya naman sa VIP Engineer ng kompanya namin. To think that Kuya Corvus considers him as an important person in our company that he has the power to be with me in our private jet.