Song of the Wind

Kabanata 12

Pressure

"Are you okay?" Lumabas sa kabilang tainga ko ang tanong ni Kendra sa akin.

Bilog na bilog ngayon ang mata ko at ang buong katawan ko ay biglang nanlamig habang tinatanaw si Mama na seryoso at tamad na nanonood ng cheerdance.

"Bele!"

Noong niyugyog ako ni Kendra saka ako nakabalik sa realidad. I don't know if the previous state of mind is much more peaceful than the now, dahil sa pagbalik ko sa realidad, doon ko naramdaman ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko na para bang tumakbo ng ilang kilometro.

"What happened to you?" Kendra curiously eyed me. "Bigla ka na lang naging tarsier sa paglaki ng mata mo." She stifles a laugh only to pause when my breathing became heavy.

My mother is here.

That alone feared me to core. Gusto ko na lang tumakas, lumayo, at mag-iba ng identitad sa nangyayari ngayon.

I kept the music competition from my mother. If she finds out or if she has already found out that I am joining this competition, I could already feel the pressure weighing on my shoulders. It's the guilt of not telling her something this important is consuming my soul to dust.

My eyes remained wide looking at my Mom. Sa sobrang kuryosidad ni Kendra, sinundan niya ang tingin ko. Doon niya natanto kung sino ang tinitignan ko.

"T-that's your Mother, right?"

Wala ako sa sariling napatango, hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa nakikita.

"Wow... your mom looks... regal."

I know. She is everything I fear with the way her eyes speak. Sa mata pa lang, alam mong talo ka na. Paano pa kaya kapag nagsalita ka na sa kanya? Although, I know some of her weakness, but her strength is everything I fear the most.

"Is that Ate Cha's mother?" She pointed her lips at Tita Claudine's smiling image.

"Yes," nanghihina kong sabi.

"Ate Cha's mother looks calm and composed. She looks like a goddess." Pagpupuri niya. "What's the name of your mom? I haven't really met her but I kinda saw her one time. Sa kapitolyo."

I pursed my lips and looked at her with weary. Napaawang ang labi niya sa nangyayari sa akin. I am internally screaming. Panic is trying to take over me. But I didn't let it. Siguro'y sa ilang beses kong nagtimpi, namamanhid na ako sa nararamdaman ko.

Hinila ako ni Kendra palayo sa bleachers at lumabas para makasanghap ng sariwang hangin. Dinala niya ako sa may likod ng gymnasium kung saan ang mga puno ay matayog na nakatayo at may mga bakanteng upuan.

Kinuwento ko kay Kendra na hindi ko sinabi kay Mommy na kasali ako sa music competition. For the first time ever, ngayon lang ako nagkuwento sa ibang tao ng nararamdaman ko sa pamilya ko. I've long due concealed my trauma and to my surprise, kay Kendra ko lahat sinabi iyon. Sinabi ko ang tungkol sa amin din ni Sandro. Kung gaano ako natatakot sa kaniya.

"I am sorry..." iyon lang ang tangi niyang nasabi. "I know all of us has different stories and burdens but if you need a tap in the shoulder, I am here, Bele." She gave me a reassuring smile. One that I would never imagine Kendra would even plaster. She looks all motherly with that.

"Gusto ko lang linawin... mayroon ka pa ring hinnanakit kay Sandro? I mean he is a threat to you as we speak, and Tita Constantia is pressuring you to be on top."

"I..." actually don't know.

No words escaped my lips especially when I saw one of my bodyguards approaching us. Sa likod niya ay ang iba niyang kasamahan na ine-escort si Mommy. Napatikhim si Kendra at pasimpleng sumulyap sa akin. My eyes remained cold as my mother mercilessly looked at me.