Pawned Virtue - #wattys2015 BK4 TPBS - Completed 1st draft

-25-

Not edited.

Voices coming from the hall as Maggie and Adam returned had Lucas closing his eyes in frustration as Tara pulled away from him and took a step back out of his reach. His eyes snapped to hers and he watched as her hands went to her mouth as she looked at him in complete wonder and as much as he didn't want to think it, there was definitely fear.

Great timing.

He put out a hand and with his head he motioned to the back door.

"Come on. We still need to talk."

She nodded slowly, unable to trust her voice to make anything like a coherent sound. Her hand was trembling as she placed it in his palm.

When his fingers closed around hers she almost pulled them away. This just didnt feel the way she expected it to. This was a whole other side to Lucas that had her questioning everything she knew about him.

He hurt her... because of Maria. He made her feel worthless, less than human. He made her feel insignificant. How could he be so different? He confused her!

Question after question went through her head as he led her outside and into the shade of the pergola to protect them from the burning effects of the blazing sunshine. He pulled out a chair from the outdoor setting and waited for her to sit down before sitting himself.
What the hell was going on? Why was he doing all of this? Why did he kiss her?

Lucas knew his wife was confused and her mind in turmoil. It showed quite plainly across her face. He hadn't come here today to do any of this. He just wanted to convince her to stay.

He bent over and took her hands in his again, he'd never get tired of that, and with his elbows resting on his knees he looked down at her hands as his thumbs traced the lines across her palms.

She bit the inside of her cheek in an effort to stop herself from shuddering at his gentle touch. She had no experience at all when it came to men and this one was so damn confusing.

"Maria and I," Lucas started to talk and Tara immediately watched his face for signs of him trying to hide anything from her "we were young, in love and well you know what happened"

She nodded with a grim look on her face... she'd never forget that conversation.

"I never thought I'd care about anyone like her. When she died I was lost, alone. I guess I was hurting. I thought I was destined to live without affection. Hell I thought I'd never love again."

Why did that hurt?

"I had Maria on a pedestal. She was my queen. I believed that Maria was better than perfect. I believed my life was over when she died. She was my everything... I wasn't hers."

He paused and held back a shudder.

"I believed a lot of things about Maria. It's my own fault I guess. I was the one who built her up into something... someone... she wasn't."

Tara was in shock to hear him speak about Maria this way.

"You hurt me because of her."

Lucas cringed and looked at her with pleading eyes "I'm so sorry Tara. I'll say it over and over again until you believe me but it really is true. What I did, how I treated you... I'm ashamed of myself."

She sat looking at him. No nod or shake of the head. Just looking... waiting.

"Not long before you and I were married I found out some things."

She gasped. This was what Maggie had been talking about... was he really going to tell her?

"She's the reason I wanted a business type relationship to have a family. I couldn't trust anyone."

"What..." this was sending alarm bells ringing in her head.

Lucas looked at her sadly "I got her medical records. I guess I needed to actually see that everything that could be done was actually done. I'd driven myself crazy for months trying to figure it all out. I needed those answers."

She started to nod slowly. If she could find out more about her own mother she would.

"I heard Maggie say you found out somethings about Maria."

Lucas sat back quickly and anger flashed in his eyes as his jaw clenched.

"Did she say anything else?"

Tara shook her head. "Please don't be angry with her. She didn't know I overheard."

"I am angry Tara".

She gave a slight whimper as she shrunk back in her chair.

"Please don't hurt Maggie. Hurt me if you need to but don't hurt Maggie."