Pawned Virtue - #wattys2015 BK4 TPBS - Completed 1st draft

-31-

Not edited. Thank you all for your votes on comments on the last chapter!!!

Lucas looked at Keiran for a brief moment before looking out at the rolling waves of the almost crystal blue ocean.

Did he love Tara?

He thought of her eyes, her hair, her smile... he thought about why she mattered to him so much. He knew he felt guilt, shame and complete disgust at his actions... but did he feel love?

Three sets of eyes watched on as Lucas' usual stone faced features were a flurry of emotions. They could see what he couldn't.

Simeon and Jace watched on from a table nearby as Keiran waited for an answer.

"I don't know. I don't know that I really understand what love is Keiran. I thought I had it with Maria but I was wrong."

"You still loved her even if she didn't love you Lucas."

With a sad shake of his head Lucas refused to believe it was true.

"I think... fuck this is tough..." he wiped his hands over his face "I think I was more in love with the idea of being in love."

Silence greeted him as he made that revelation. They were words he had swimming around in his mind for the past three months. What if they were actually true? Was it actually possible to be in love with an idea the way he had been with Maria? He knew the answer was yes.

"So what do you feel for Tara?"

Damn this fucking kid! Did he ever let up? He just wanted to know where he wife was... that's all!

"Does it matter how I feel Keiran? Honestly? Tara's my wife..."

"Not for long."

Lucas turned to Keiran in shock.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

Keiran sighed and shook his head.

"It means that in six months Tara turns eighteen and she's applying for a divorce."

Lucas shot up from his seat and with hi hands balled up into fists and his jaw clenched he snarled out his next words.

"Like fuck she is! I'll never agree!"

Keiran sat back and waited a moment.

"Why Lucas? Legally you don't have to agree anyway. The laws have changed. Tara's got an appointment with a solicitor next week to start the paperwork. You only need to be separated for twelve months for a divorce to be granted Lucas. How long's it been since you and Tara lived under the one roof? Even then it was only for thirty six hours. What kind of marriage is that? She won't have a problem getting a divorce."

Lucas got close up to Keiran and pointed a finger into his face.

"Tell me where the fuck she is! I'll bring her home. We are NOT getting a fucking divorce!"

"Why? Why does it matter Lucas? You treated her like shit. Do you have any idea how you made her feel? You're a fucking idiot Lucas! You treated her like a fucking charity case and now when she's strong enough to walk away you want her back? WHY? Why do you want her back?"

Lucas forced himself to move away from Keiran.

"What do you mean a charity case?"

"Oh come on Lucas, you're the adult here. You're supposed to know everything. We're just kids right?"

"I swear Keiran" he let out a pained yell of exasperation "What the fuck do you mean charity case? She's my wife! It's my duty..."

"Oh fuck off Lucas. Duty? Fucking duty? Do you know how fucking belittling that is? Did you ever once take Tara's feelings into account before you started to run her life?"

"Run her life? I gave her everything she needed and more!"

"Exactly!" Keiran threw his hands up "The man is actually starting to get it!"

Lucas looked at him in complete confusion "What the hell?"

"Oh for fuck sake. You gave her everything. Since her mother died Tara's had to fend for herself. We all did what we could but she's proud  and only took exactly what she needed... and that was food. She got a job once so she could buy food and when her father found out he made her bring home her pay. Every fucking cent. She wasn't even allowed to buy a fucking apple. She doesn't want people to give her anything. You made her feel like an obligation. You stripped away at her defenses to be friends with her. She started to feel like she belonged..."

"She does!"

"No Lucas she doesn't. All Tara ever wanted was a family; people who loved her. She didn't want things. Then you go and kiss her and while she's confused about what she's feeling you take it all away. Fuck Lucas! You brought up the subject of divorce. She's giving you what you want.."

"I don't want a divorce!" His words were hoarse and full of emotions he didn't understand.

"Then what do you want?" Keiran kept persisting, trying to push Lucas over the edge.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Lucas sank back down in the seat he'd vacated "I don't know."

"Well work it out Lucas because you broke her. You showed her what it was like to have feelings for someone and then you took it away. You made her feel worthless... unworthy of being loved for who she is. Tara used to cut. She has scars at the top of her thighs, that's why she always wears board shorts to go swimming. She's had so much pain and disappointment in her life and you added to it... no, actually what you did was worse. You showed her something she thinks she'll never have."

"I never meant to do that" Lucas looked at him pleadingly "you have to believe me!"

"I do, sad to say but I actually understand you better than you think."

Keiran stood up and reached for his keys and phone.

"I may be the kid here Lucas but you're the one who has to grow up. Stop blaming everyone else for the way you feel. Take responsibility for your own actions. Stop hiding behind blame." Keiran paused for a moment to let his words sink in. "The sad truth is that you're too scared to admit that you love Tara even though we can all see it."

"I care about her!" he protested.

"It's not enough Lucas. Tara needs and deserves to be loved with all your heart and if you aren't willing to give her that then just leave her alone. Let her live in peace Lucas, let her get on with her life. Shit Lucas she's been hurt enough... stop adding to it!"

Keiran looked over to Jace and Simeon and nodded. He was ready to leave. Jace walked up to his side and put his arm around his waist while Simeon held out his hand to shake Keirans.

Lucas watched as Keiran and Jace walked away and knew that he'd fucked up big time. He wanted Tara and as a tear escaped he couldn't help but feel helpless. He knew he had to fight for her... but how?

"You love her don't you?" Simeon asked him quietly.

"Yes."

*********

So... are we all happy now? He admitted he loves her!! Now he just needs to pull his head in and fight for our girl!

I officially love Keiran!!!