All I want is for you to be happy

Halloween

I think that as time goes by I am more and more depressed. I am quite sure that being friend zoned by Scott is one of the reasons why I am feeling like this, but I think that the main reason is that I am not happy with myself.

This fact has been hunting me for quite a long time already. The biggest problem is that it turns into a vicious circle, because the more depressed I feel the less I take care of myself, and the less care I take of myself, the more depressed I get… The day will come in which not only I will not be loving myself, but I will end up hating myself. And that is a place towards which I don’t want to walk.

Being in this situation is not easy, and it is making me miss a lot of great moments of my life. But I’ve reached the point where I am embarrassed of being in my own skin, so I don’t feel like going out to parties where I am going to be the funny guy. I only go out when it is strictly necessary, because of work, or any other obligations that I could have. But other than that, I would rather stay at home, drinking wine and watching Spongebob, or Family Guy.

And this is the reason why I didn’t go to Grace Helbig’s Halloween party.

Scott: Hey! Grace called. She is having a Halloween party at the YouTube space, and she wants us to go, what do you say?

Mitch: I’ll rather stay at home. I don’t feel like going out tonight. But you go!

Scott: I don’t want to go by myself. In a different circumstance I would’ve called Alex… but now I can’t.

Mitch: Then call Avi, he will probably go, tell him to ask Kevin, though Kevin is more like me, and you should call Kirstie as well.

Scott: You really don’t want to come, right?

Mitch: I really don’t. I’ll be here drinking and watching some Family Guy, like every day!

Scott: Are you going to stay up late?

Mitch: I don’t think so, why?

Scott: To tell you how it all went after the party.

Mitch: When are you planning to come back?

Scott: I don’t know.

Mitch: Ok, let’s do something. If you come back after 7:30 a.m. You can go to my room and wake me up, and tell me everything with every single detail. But! You have to bring me an amazingly huge coffee from Starbuck. No coffee… no talking, are we clear?

Scott: Cristal clear.

Mitch: Why do I have the feeling that there is something bothering you about this party?

Scott: It’s not really the party. It’s only that I should’ve talked to Alex but I haven’t and I am not going to be full out at the party because I will be thinking about him… and I won’t be able to flirt around with any cute guy because we are together and I don’t want to do that him…. Well to anyone.

Mitch: Why haven’t you talked yet?

Scott:  I called him today but he told me he needed a little bit of time to figure some things out and that if it was ok with me we could meet this Saturday morning.  

Mitch: So for what you are telling me, I can understand that you haven’t made a decision, am I right?

Scott: Not really… But I think I have it kinda clear. I am sadder because I am not going to get lucky tonight than because I might be “boyfriendless” next Saturday. Maybe I should go running or something because I feel like hooking up with the first dude that flirts with me tonight.  

Mitch: Scott! I would have never expected that from you! What the hell? Yes, go running or take a shower. Go!

Scott: I know, I am sorry, I’m just confused, I guess… Perhaps I am a little bit tipsy already… but just a little.