as long as i have you

15- Confession

Bucky pov

I walked back to my room thinking, "What just happened?" Our eyes met and y/n looked devastated. I saw her eyes for the first time in months and I could help but cry, she was so beautiful. I missed being head over heels for her without feeling guilty, I don't think I was actually over her. If I was, I would be able to look at her without crying. When will this ever end? I walked into my room and Veronica was sitting in my bed on her phone. I hope she didn't notice my puffy eyes.

"Good morning sweetie..." She started, "Oh my god, Bucky. Were you crying?"

I turned my face, "No of course not. Just something in my eye. I'm going to take a shower."

I had to clear my head. I needed to get a grip on this. Veronica never hurt me, she was perfect to me. She was delicate to my heart. But it was never Y/N's fault when she hurt me, she didn't know that I loved her.

As I got out of the shower, I yelled for Veronica, "Ronnie, I'm going to go on a walk."

"Are you doing okay sweetie?" She asked walking in to the foggy bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I just need to clear my head." I said kissing her forehead. "I'll be back soon." And I was out the door.

I walked out of the compound. I was going to walk to the bench Y/N and I used to sit on.  Normally, I would hate going places where Y/N and I used to go but I felt today didn't count. As I walked over the hill, I saw someone already sitting on the bench. Was it y/n? Part of me hoped it was. I kept walking towards it and saw y/n's hair flowing in the light wind. I sat down next to her. I looked at her and she stared straight ahead, looking over the field. 

"I thought you might come here." She said tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" I asked keeping my head forward and not looking over to her on my right.

"What is there to talk about? We're fine right?"

"Yeah, I guess." I said. I got up to leave when she pulled my hand. First touch in two months from her. I jumped a little.

"Bucky wait, I need to talk to you."

I sat back down.

"You were my best friend two months ago, I slept in the same bed as you, we told each other everything. Hell, we used to change in front of each other, no problem. But now, it's like you can't even look me in the eye. Did I do something?"

She was right, I couldn't look at her. Seeing her would just make me deal with the fact that I'm still in love with her. "You didn't do anything. I just don't think it works if we're so close but also have boyfriends and girlfriends."

"Well, I don't have a boyfriend anymore." She confessed.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could help more."

I heard her sniffle, I think she's crying, "Do you not like me anymore?"

I turned my head to look at her but she maintained contact with the field.

"Because, I love you."

My heart stopped. She loves me? I've only waited my whole life to hear this.

She continued, "I love you Bucky. And not like 'I love you, bye!' No, I'm in love with you, James. And I'm pretty sure I have been for 4 years but I've been too scared to accept it. Not having you in my life but still being able to hear your laugh just a room away is the most painful thing in the world."

Tears were streaming down my face, "I wish you would've said something sooner y/n but, I'm really happy with Veronica right now. But I agree, I want you back in my life too. I want to make a better effort."

"Well..." She started while wiping the tears from her face, " I don't know how to look at you without thinking that you're the love of my life."

I froze, " I did it for countless years. I watched you date countless guys, I watched you date Captain America, knowing that none of them would love you the way I would've. Spoiler alert y/n, it never stops hurting." I got up to leave but before I did, I turned around, "Like I said, I wish you would've said something sooner. I'm sorry to hear about you and Hank." Then I left and headed back for the compound.

It felt like my chest was being pressed down, y/n just said everything I ever dreamt for her to say to me. And I walked away. But for once, I could trust that the person I loved wouldn't hurt me. Veronica wasn't going to hurt me like y/n did.