I Know Places We Can Hide (Kaylor FanFic)

Screaming, Crying, Perfect Storm

~ Two Weeks Later ~

"Taylor! I just don't think I can go! I know you want me to but..."

"But what Karlie?! Ever since the first appointment it's been but this and but that. Why do you have to make excuses all the time? This shouldn't have to be about me. You should want to get better for yourself. You can't turn it on me. This is about you. Not me! You!"

"Maybe I don't want to! I mean, I have lived half my life like this. It's not just something that I can make go away with a few visits to a doctor, some pills and your watchful eye. It's not that easy, okay? I wish it was, but it's really hard, Taylor."

"That's the thing Karlie. It's shouldn't be this hard. It's like you don't even want to get better. If I didn't know you better, I'd think that you wouldn't want to change. In fact, I'm starting to think that maybe you want to keep living like this." She waved her hands around like we could see how we were living. "Is that what you want? Is it? Because if so, then we have very different things in mind of how this is supposed to be."

This? Did this mean us?

We had never really spoken about what exactly we were. I guess we just assume friends. I love Karlie more than life itself, but I'm sure she doesn't feel the same.

I didn't know we were a this.

I know I'd like to be.

"Tay. Please. Don't say that. You know..."

"I know!" She cut me off. "I know what? Come on, Karlie, tell me what I know. Because I'm starting to think there's more I don't know about you than I do."

"Tay-"

"Don't call me that!" she snapped.

"Taylor. You know me better than anyone else. I tell you everything-"

"Apparently not Karlie. Because I didn't know that for the past ten years you've been throwing up after every meal and cutting yourself-"

She stopped herself then. My jaw dropped.

How did she know about that? She couldn't possibly know, no one does. It's been more of secret than my eating.

Every boyfriend that I've had for the past however many years has never seen me naked for two reasons.

1. My extreme lack of self-confidence and esteem

2. The scars that I hide on the sides of my stomach.

"Taylor... What did you just say?"

"You heard me."

"Why would you say something like that? Why would you accuse me of something like that? Joke about it even?" I tried to deny it. Maybe she was just playing me to see if I would confess anything else, or to mess with me. I don't know... anything but her know about that.

"You know it's true. I saw them the other night. And it's not a joke. You're the joke. And our friendship is the joke, and whatever it may have been." She was real angry now, but her eyes looked lifeless.  I felt tears prick at my eyes. "You know, Karlie, I really love you. And I thought that one day, you'd love me back and we'd be more than great friends. But I can't be around you as long as you keep hiding things from me. I can't do it anymore Karlie."

"But I do love you Taylor." I was really crying now. 

"Save it, Karlie. I don't want to hear it."

"I want the same things as you do. I do love you. I don't want to be just Taylor and Karlie who are the really great friends. I want you, all of you, and not to share." She was reaching for her bag. "Please stay. We can talk about it, it'll be fine."

"No, Karlie. It won't. I have to go. I need some time to think, and I know that you have some things to think about too. I just... I have to go." With that, she slammed the door shut behind her and I was left in my cold apartment, alone. It was eleven thirty. I had another appointment with doctor Andrews in the morning, one that was so far from my mind I considered calling to cancel.

I had my phone in my hand before I realised that no one was going to be up to take my call at this time.

And Taylor wasn't here, and I couldn't call her either.

I crawled onto my bed, grabbed for the blankets and pulled them over me however I could. 

I remembered the feeling like an old friend. But since Taylor, I had hardly ever done it. Only on a really bad day.

But a night like tonight certainly comes close to being one of the wrost of my life.

And for the first time in a while, alone in my bed, trying to keep myself warm, I cried myself to sleep.