I Know Places We Can Hide (Kaylor FanFic)

I Can't Let Myself Hurt Her

Hey Karls, I know you're probably still at your shoot, just checking we're still right for dinner. I'm waiting to finish cooking it. When you get this call me back and let me know when you'll me home so I can have it all ready. Talk to you soon, bye.

The beep sounded at the end of Taylor's first message. I probably should call her back rather than sit here and listen to them all. I just can't bring myself to do it for some reason.

Me again. Umm... I thought we were supposed to be having dinner – it's 7:40 already. I thought you'd be done by now. You have been gone since 6. I'm just wondering if you're coming to dinner, and if you are, what time? Call me back please. Love you.

Taylor's voice played again and was followed by the beep.

Karls, it would be nice to know if you're still among the land of the living. I am starting to think you may be in a ditch someone and am one step away from calling a search party. It's 9 now. Send up a flare or something so I know where you are. Third time lucky, hey. Call me.

I laughed internally. If I were in a better mood I'd make some kind of joke about it. She is pretty adorable. But I was in no mood for that.

Instead, I played the last message Taylor left.

 So, I'm going to bed now. It was great having dinner with you though. We should do it again sometime. Maybe you could actUALLY TURN UP NEXT TIME! I guess I'll see you later... or maybe not.

And I made her angry. Great. Add that to the list. My list of big fat mistakes. It'll take me years to get to that one and fix it.

I couldn't explain to her what had happened. It would destroy her.

I – we had both – come so far. All the work she had put in to help me get better and I destroyed it all in a second. I wouldn't be able to look at her. I'm so ashamed. Of what I've done, but really just of myself.

She could tolerate my small slip up because I really had been making progress and I didn't have to try to convince her because it was clear. But then this happened.

A total relapse. She was sure to notice. We'd had a while apart since I had been in Paris. Now I'd been back for a few days doing some work here but hadn't caught up with Taylor yet as I was still working. Even if I hadn't been, I was too ashamed to face her.

I probably should call her. I hate to see – or hear – her worry. It makes me worry too. Except this time. If I wasn't so disappointed in myself I might have room to worry, but I was too consumed with my hate for myself.

Forty minutes after Taylor's last message she called again. I didn't think she'd be able to help herself.

Karlie. I'm really worried. Please just call me. I don't care about dinner, just call me so I know that you're okay. You have an hour, then I'm coming around to your apartment. And if you're not there, I'm gonna find you.