Back to you - Hotchniss

open your eyes

"Time for paperwork", JJ gave her best to sound enthusiastic, but she failed terribly. None of them were fond of doing the paperwork which was connected to their last case.

"You tried", Emily laughed and patted her best friend's shoulder. "You really tried."

The blonde let out scoff and sat down at her desk, the others doing the same. Soon, silence surrounded them, as all of them were concentrated on their reports - or at least trying to do so.

After a short while, which had felt like an eternity, Emily got up and made her way to the small kitchen island in order to get a coffee. She was really tired, and even though she was trying to reduce her caffeine consumption, she just couldn't go a day without coffee.

She turned her head as she heard how someone entered the room, her body immediately tensing as she discovered it to be Hotch.

The situation between had remained unchanged; they didn't talk during the day and suffered at night, home alone. There were so many things each of them wanted to say, but they chose to stay silent about it, fearing even more pain.

Emily truly wished that she could do something about the way he saw her; as a coward, a pain-causer, a quitter. She wished that he would remember her the way she really was; head over heals for him. He used to look at her with eyes filled with love, eternal love - and now, on the rare occasions that their eyes met, she saw nothing. The spark in his eyes was gone.

"He made me hate myself a lot", she had once told JJ after the break-up. It was the truth, she hated herself for giving up on them and for causing him so much pain, though it had been obvious that they wouldn't have been able to continue their relationship like that.

"Sorry", Hotch muttered and moved between her and the counter, pulling Emily out of her thoughts.

"Oh, my bad", she quickly replied and stepped back, bumping against the bar table behind her, causing a can of sugar to fall to the ground with a very unpleasant sound.

"Fuck", Emily cursed and placed her own cup of coffee aside. She had just knelt down in order to helplessly swab it up with her hands, as she saw how Hotch knelt down in front of her, with a cloth, wiping it up effortlessly.

"Thank you", she muttered, slightly embarrassed.

Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and stared at Emily's chest. Confused, she followed his eyes down her own chest, and her breath got caught in her lungs.

As she had bent down, she hadn't realized that the charm of her necklace, which she always hid in her shirt, had slipped out; revealing that it was the engagement ring.

A few days after their engagement had ended, Emily had managed to take the ring off. If they had been in person, she would've given it back to him that night, but they had been in different countries, so she had kept it. However, she had never been able to completely let go of it, so one day, she had slipped it on an empty silver necklace, wearing it securely and close to her heart ever since.

Their eyes met, both wide in surprise, and without another word, Emily got up and left. She even forgot about the cup of coffee, she just had to get away from the exposure.

Hotch slowly got up, thinking about what had just happened. He had often wondered what had happened to the ring, whether she had kept it or not. He had never wanted it back; he felt like there was nothing more devastating than a man who carried around the ring of a failed engagement.

Why was she still carrying it around with her then?

Ever since she had arrived in Quantico, he had been confused by the fact that she was wearing a necklace, as she had always hated them. Now, that he knew what the story of this necklace was, a weird feeling spread in his chest: he didn't know how to feel about it.

Later that day, their paths crossed again on their way out. As soon as Emily recognized him next to her, she tensed up and quickened her pace.

"Emily", he then spoke up and she hesitantly slowed down again, without turning around.

When he had caught up with her, they stopped, and she felt how he looked down at her, so she sticked to keeping her eyes on the ground.

"Why are you still wearing it?"

He had thought the whole day about whether he should ask her or not; but he just needed to know. It was his right to know, he had figured. After all, this was the least she owed him.

Emily was trying to find the right words, shifting from one feet to another. She had really believed that it was obvious that he still meant something to her, but seemingly it wasn't.

"Just because we aren't together or engaged anymore doesn't mean that this ring doesn't mean anything to me anymore", she then replied, her voice rather silent.

"I don't understand", it was more a statement than a question, yet he shot her a confused look. Finally, she looked up into his eyes.

"Do you really think that I could just erase everything that was once connected to you? That I'd be able to erase my feelings?"

"Which feelings?"

"My feelings", she exclaimed. "My feelings for you!"

"But... but you called it quits?", he whispered, his fingers trembling at his sides.

"Yes, because our relationship was not working out anymore", she sighed. "Not because I stopped loving you."

Great silence surrounded them. Hotch didn't know what to say, he was way too stunned.

"I -", he began but stopped again. They just kept staring at each other, Emily's eyes started to fill with tears, but she managed to hold them back. She herself didn't know what she expected him to say, but she had just completely exposed herself and her feelings; so she was hoping for him to be honest with her, too.

However, the words that left his mouth in the following second were the complete opposite from anything she had expected:

"I met someone."