Back to you - Hotchniss

you let me down

From the minute on that Hotch had been told that Emily Prentiss would return to the BAU, his mind had started spinning, and he felt like it hadn't stopped ever since.

"Aaron, I don't see where this is going", she had said that one night. He still remembered how he had held on to his mobile phone, as it had been the closest he had been able to get to her.

"What do you mean?", he had asked back, even though he had known what she had been talking about.

"Us, our relationship", she had replied, and he had known that she had been crying while talking. "We barely talk or see each other, and if we do, all we do is fight. This is not how a healthy relationship should be."

In the next few sentences, she had broken up with him, ending their engagement of approximately six months, and it had ripped him apart.

There weren't a lot of things that were able to shake Aaron Hotchner's world, but this had definitely been one of them. He had never loved someone as much as he had loved her, and he was sure that he would never love anyone like this again.

So many unanswered questions were still on his mind. He wondered where she would live, back in Quantico, since they had lived in his apartment together before she had moved to London; he wondered whether she had met someone new ever since their break-up; and somehow, most importantly, he wondered if she still had the ring.

More than a year had passed ever since they had talked for the last time. He had sent all the remaining pieces of her stuff to London, hoping that this would erase every memory of her, but his mind had always had different plans. There hadn't been a night where he had not thought about her.

The team had known about their break-up quicker than he had wanted them to, but he had figured that Emily had probably told JJ, who had told Garcia, who of course had to tell Morgan, and so on.

Hotch had tried to ignore them and their pitying looks, and had started to completely focus on his work. He had slowly but securely built up the walls around him that Emily had managed to break down many, many years ago.

However, in the moment she had stepped into his office again, he had felt how the walls were already crumbling again.

"Hello Aaron", Emily said, her voice silent and her eyes scanning his features.

He swallowed thickly as he took in the sight in front of him. She still looked the same, her figure, her clothes, her hair - apart from the fact that she had completely grown out the bangs by then. She was wearing a necklace, but the charm of it was hidden inside her shirt. Since when did she wear any jewelry? He also immediately noticed how tired she looked, but he quickly told himself that it was the jet lag.

"Emily", he just nodded, his voice cold and the expression on his face rather stern.

They just kept staring at each other, both remembering how things used to be between them. However, they knew that it would never be the same between them, no matter what would happen.

"I just came here to report back to duty", she then said, and walked towards the desk, handing him the papers, which she had clutched in her hand.

"Okay", he nodded, trying to show as less emotions as possible. He immediately recognized how naked her hand was, his eyes glued to the finger where she had used to wear the engagement ring. Quickly, he looked away.

Emily knew that he was probably still mad at her for giving up on them that quickly, and he certainly was, nevertheless, he had to admit that he understood her. He just wished that she had given them a bit more time.

"How was your flight?", he then asked, catching her off guard.

"Too long", she simply replied. "But okay."

"Well, your duty only starts tomorrow, you should get home then and get some rest", he suggested.

There was nothing sweet in his words, Emily rather felt rejected, like he wanted her to leave. And she would most certainly understand if he did.

"I will", she nodded and was just about to leave, but then turned around again. "I know that things didn't end well between us, Aaron, but I really hope that we will work out a way to at least work together without making it weird."

"I don't see a reason why we shouldn't", he replied, his voice still cold as ice. "I suppose we are both professionals."

"We are", Emily sighed. "But please don't give me the cold shoulder."

"I am not giving you a cold shoulder."

"You are, in this exact moment."

Hotch let out a small sigh and avoided eye contact: "I need to get used to you being around again, that's all. And I'd appreciate if you'd give me some time to do so."

"Of course", she quickly nodded and put on hand on the door knob. "I need to get used to it, too."

"Then we are on the same side", he plainly stated, clenching his jaw in tension.

"Weren't we always?", the words had left her mouth before she had been able to think about them and she knew that this attempted ad-lib would backfire soon.

"It seems like we have different views on that point", Hotch replied sourly. See? It already backfired.

"Aaron, please", Emily sighed. "You know that it wasn't easy for me, too."

"It didn't seem like it was exactly hard for you, either", his voice was still cold and low, yet, his words were heavy with meaning. "How long was the phone call? Let's say half an hour?"

She swallowed thickly. He was right, it had been a short call which had ended a relationship of five years, along with the engagement.

"Listen, I'm not proud of what I have done or in which way I have done it", Emily replied, her voice rather tired now. "I hope you believe that."

He didn't reply, so she just nodded slightly and walked towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."