Back to you - Hotchniss

right person, wrong time

It was funny, Emily thought, when she cogitated about the months she hadn't been able to get out of bed after she had broken up with Aaron two years ago. She had been going back and forth over letters that she had written but had never dared to send, often wondering why she had even brought her thoughts down on paper. Her work had been the only place where she had forced herself to go to, where she had put up an act with a tough facade and everyone had bought it.

It was funny, because she felt how she slowly returned to these patterns, having huge problems to find any interest in anything that didn't concerned the BAU. Her relationship to Aaron had turned into this even messier roler coaster of emotions since Beth was showing up more and more often at the BAU again.

Emily knew that she was the last person on earth with the right to be hurt or jealous, after all, she was the one who had ended it twice between them - but she was hurt und jealous beyond limits. There was no way she would show it though, she would just suck it all in and put up the act she was best at.

A month had passed, and everyone noticed that she had become slightly distant, but nobody dared to ask her about it.

"Hey", Rossi stopped in front of her desk, which made her raise her tired eyes from the report in front of her. "The case is over and we're going to celebrate with drinks, are you in?"

The brunette swallowed thickly and quickly looked over to Hotch's office, wondering if he would join, and whether he would come with Beth if he did so.

"He's bringing her", Rossi sighed, knowing what Emily was thinking about. After all these years, he had become the person who was the quickest to read what was on her mind.

"I'm really tired, I guess I have to pass", she gave him a sad smile.

"It's because of her, isn't it?", he asked, feeling incredibly sorry for her. "I won't tell anyone and I won't judge, I promise."

Emily dropped her gaze to her fingers, taking in the horrible image of her nails, which she had started to pick again. "I have no right to feel this way."

"And yet you do."

"Yes", she sighed. "And I think I just need some time and distance to get over it."

"I understand", he nodded and squeezed her shoulder lightly, before walking away.

Emily released a breath she hadn't known she had been holding and closed her eyes for a brief second. When had she turned into this emotional wrack? This wasn't her at all; she would never let things get to her that quickly and influence her that heavily.

But everything was different when it came to Aaron Hotchner, it had always been.

She was just about to pack her stuff and grab her coat and bag in order to head out, when she bumped into him.

"Sorry", she gave him a short smile.

"It's fine", he replied and stopped in his tracks. "Aren't you going to join?"

"No, I'm really tired", she lied and avoided to look him into the eyes.

"Oh, okay", Hotch replied and gave his best to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"So, uh, you and Beth are giving it another try?", Emily then asked, trying to sound as unbothered as possible as she buttoned up her coat.

Hotch shifted uncomfortably. "Yea, sort of."

She just gave him a quick nod with a smile, before she said: "Have fun tonight."

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"100%", Emily replied over her shoulder as she was already on her way to the elevator.

Hotch watched her leave almost helplessly. Regarding the past few weeks, it was safe to say that he had absolutely no clue what he was doing at the moment. Beth had called him for the very first time in a while about a month ago, apologizing for how she had went off after she had found out about Emily's and Aaron's past. Ever since, they had started seeing each other regularly again.

He knew that it was pointless and probably doomed to fail, but Emily had made it perfectly clear that there would be no future for them and he had to force himself to move on. Maybe he would grow into it.

"God, it's painful to watch them", JJ groaned silently next to the rest of them team, who had followed the conversation between the former couple from a safe distance.

"Don't they realize how stupid that is?", Morgan sighed. "I mean - are they torturing themselves on purpose? Like - what does it take to let them finally come to their senses?"

"Isn't that obvious?", Rossi asked, and all heads turned into his directions.

"Enlighten us", JJ said.

"Nothing is going to happen between these two until Emily finally admits to herself that she made a huge mistake when she ended their engagement and until she is then willing to tell Hotch. Otherwise this is going to continue for months or years", he explained. "Deep down she knows that it was wrong, but she is obviously still trying to deny it and keeps telling herself that one day she might find happiness again."

"Damn, are you Jane Austen?", Morgan grinned.

"No, I'm just wise and a better profiler than all of you", Rossi chuckled.

"Even if she realizes her mistake, she would never in a million years walk up to Hotch and tell him", JJ then sighed.

"Yes, especially since he's seeing Beth again", Reid added.

There was no doubt that Emily and Aaron were each other's person and that they belonged together, but it seemed like their timing was just always wrong. Sadly, timing was probably the most important thing when it comes to relationships, or to put in Robin Scherbatsky's words: "If you have chemistry, you only need one other thing - timing. But timing is a bitch."