Back to you - Hotchniss

want you to be happier

As soon as the door fell into its lock, the tears had broken free and ran down Emily's face.

"That's great, I - I'm happy for you", had been everything she had managed to choke out at Hotch's previous statement before rushing off to her car.

She knew that she had no right to be mad or hurt; it's been nearly one year and 7 months since they had broken up, however, there was an enormous pain in her chest. The thought of Aaron with someone else was killing her; it was a kind of pain she had never experienced before. Never in a million years, she had believed that she would have to deal with the image of another woman all over her ex-fiancé in her head.

A sob escaped her mouth, and she quickly covered it with her hand, while throwing her bag and coat on the floor of the hallway.

Why had no one told her about it? There was no way that Hotch was dating someone with none of the team members knowing about it.

It would cause her even more pain, but she just needed to know. With shaking hands, she dialed JJ's number.

"Emily?", the blonde immediately picked up.

"He's seeing someone", was all Emily managed to blurt out, giving her best to sound cold and unbothered as another tear ran down her cheek. She didn't want to sound as desperate as she actually was.

The silence on the other end of the line told her that JJ already knew. They all had probably known, and they still hadn't told her. She listened to JJ closing the door, the voices of Will and the children piping down.

"I know", JJ finally sighed. "I know."

"Why did nobody tell me?"

"We didn't know how you would react", was the reply. "And we were scared that you were going to leave again."

"I didn't come back for him, JJ", Emily snapped.

"But you still can't deal with the fact that he has met someone else", JJ sighed again.

"I just wish I had found another way."

"That wouldn't have changed the way you feel about it", her best friend added, and Emily knew that she was right.

"What's her name?", she then asked.

"Don't do this, Emily."

"I just want to know her name", again, she gave her best to sound as unbothered as possible, but JJ just knew her too well.

"And then you are going to look her up", JJ said. "Don't do this to yourself, don't fall that low." She knew that Emily was usually a collected person who had her emotions under control, but she knew that she also had some toxic traits, which only slipped out on rare occasions.

"I just want to know her goddamn name", Emily repeated rather sternly. Her pain slowly turned in anger; anger towards a person she didn't know at all and who was probably completely innocent. She knew that she had no right to hate her, but below all the coolness and toughness, Emily Prentiss was just a human being with feelings, just like everybody else.

JJ took a deep breath. "I think it's Beth."

"Beth who?"

"God, Emily, I don't know", JJ replied. "I just saw her once, she stopped by at the BAU one day. That's all."

"How long is this already going on?"

"Phew, let it be a few months? I doubt that it's anything serious though."

Her words didn't exactly calm Emily down. She felt like a jealous little kid, who wouldn't get over the fact that her crush shared his crisps with someone else. Expect for that it was her ex-fiancé in this case, and one should not forget that she had been the one who walked out on them.

"Not yet, maybe", she then replied through gritted teeth.

"Emily-"

"No, it's fine", the brunette then quickly added. "It's fine; I'm completely fine. He deserves to be happy."

It was for sure that JJ wouldn't buy a single word of the ones that had just left Emily's mouth, but there was nothing she could've done in that situation.

She knew that Emily still had feelings for Hotch, and that he probably still had feelings for her; however, the situation was more than complicated and the fact that both of them were too stubborn and too scared to talk about their feelings didn't exactly simplify it.

"You're not", JJ then said.

"I am", Emily repeated. "Look, I'm really tired. See you tomorrow?"

"Yea, see you", the blonde mumbled, knowing that the last thing her best friend would do now was actually going to bed.

After the call had ended, Emily released a shaky breath and closed her eyes for a brief second. She needed to calm down; she needed to get a clear head.

The name Beth got stuck on her mind, and she wondered how that woman looked like, how she acted in general and what exactly was so different about her that Aaron would like her. He wasn't very open to meeting new people, so she must've been rather special.

Emily was torn between her emotions.

On the one hand, she was jealous as hell. Jealous about the fact that another woman was able to replace her, that another women had what she used to have. Jealous about the fact that Aaron had moved on, past her, to someone new.

She felt like her heart had gotten ripped even further apart, and there was nothing that could save her from the pain.

On the other hand, she wanted him to be happy. If you love a person, you always want what's best for them; but sometimes what's best for them just isn't you - Emily had always lived by this quote, especially after she had realized that their relationship hadn't been the best for him and that he deserved better.

And maybe Beth was what was best for him, which should make Emily happy for him - however, the pain in her chest made it hard to think that way.

She used to believe that they were the best for each other, never even considering the thought that there might be other people in this world, who'd be even better for them. It killed her that they hadn't been enough for each other; enough to stay happy and strong in order to make their relationship work over the distance.