Back to you - Hotchniss

sweater weather

Emily hadn't forgotten how tough the BAU cases were, however, she still found herself really worn out after she returned to her apartment after her first case back with the team. It had been in Michigan, and it had taken them a few days to get their Unsub.

During the case, Hotch and her hadn't interacted a lot, and if so, it would've only been to talk about the case. He had put up his cold facade towards her again, and she was questioning if he would ever trust her enough to be real with her again. But for the moment, she knew that this would be too much to ask.

From time to time, she had tried to get him to talk more to her; after all, she was still craving for his attention - but every time she had caught herself doing so, she had immediately stopped. This wouldn't lead anywhere, and she knew that.

After she left the shower and walked into her bedroom with a towel wrapped around her body, she opened the closet in order to get some cozy clothes. Her eyes got stuck on that one sweater, hidden under a few that were actually hers. This one sweater had been the only thing she had not sent him back from London, and she wondered if he had ever noticed that it was missing. She hadn't worn it once after the break-up; but she hadn't had the heart to let go of this last piece, neither.

Hesitantly, almost as if she was scared of being caught, she pulled the sweater out of the wardrobe and grabbed a pair of joggers before getting dressed. As soon as she had put the sweater on, a strange feeling overcame her. There was nothing left of his scent, nevertheless, it gave a warmth that she hadn't felt in a long time.

She remembered how often she had worn this sweater before it had all ended, every time she had missed him, she had automatically put it on. Ever since they had broken up, she had stayed away from it, just like it was venomed, until that night.

Avoiding a look in the mirror, she put her necklace on while walking back into the kitchen. Just as she was about to open the fridge, there was a knock on the door.

Emily furrowed her eyebrows. Who would show up at her apartment at 9 pm?

The door viewer soon told her that it were JJ and Penelope, and she let out a relieved sigh as she opened the door.

"Surprise", Garcia squealed and JJ gave her a rather apologizing smile.

"Since you declined a 'girls night out' last week", she explained and lifted the bags in the hands. "We decided to stop by and have a 'girls night in' - but only if you're up to it, of course."

The brunette let out a light chuckle. "Do you really think I am going to send you away after you showed up at my door with alcohol and snacks?"

She stepped aside and the other two happily entered their new apartment.

"Damn, Emily", Penelope sighed. "This place could use some color!"

"I haven't had a lot of time to unpack", she quickly lied. "I'll do it some other time."

From the look JJ gave her, Emily knew that her lie was obvious, but she shrugged it off. Soon, the three of them were seated on the sofa, each holding a glass of red vine and some crackers.

"So, how was the reunion with Bossman?", Garcia suddenly asked and immediately earned a kick against the ankle from the other blonde.

"Penelope!"

"What? It's just the three of us, and we have always told us everything - do you expect us to tip-toe around the whole topic?"

Their looks turned to Emily, who was chewing on her nails. "It's fine", she waved off JJ. "Well, actually... it was awful. He's not able to look me in the eyes and if he does, all I see is pain and distrust, and also hate-"

"He doesn't hate you", JJ interrupted her.

"He does", Emily nodded. "And he has every right to. I hurt him way too much."

"But he hurt you, too", Penelope intervened. "You shouldn't take all the blame on you."

"I broke up with him", Emily's voice was low at the painful memory. "I gave up on us. So yes, I should take the blame."

"What are you going to do about the situation?", JJ asked her.

"I don't think that there's anything I can do", she sighed. "Time will tell."

"Have you ever thought about... you know... giving it a second try-"

"I will not answer this question", Emily interrupted Garcia. "Can we please change the topic now?"

The truth was she had been asking herself whether there would be a second chance for Aaron and her, as things were going to back to the way they had been: they worked together and lived close to each other. It was just like it had been the last time they had gotten together.

Her feelings for him were still strong as hell, and she couldn't deny that she hadn't been thinking about how their wedding would've gone, if she hadn't called it quits before.

However, since their first conversation on her way back, she knew that he would probably never let her close again. He had lost his trust in her and he wasn't very fond of trying to get it back somehow.

She had no clue that Hotch missed her, too, without saying a word. Instead, he would just sit in front other and act like they had never met; he forced himself to stop loving her, though it was a hopeless case. He had once read that a person could love someone, but still let them go; and he really hoped that he would be able to let Emily go, too.

But for then, he was still waiting for the day when he could say that he didn't love her anymore, and it wouldn't be a lie.