Back to you - Hotchniss

too little, too late

Heavy silence surrounded them and Emily didn't dare to raise her head and look at Hotch. It was finally out, she had openly admitted that she regretted breaking up with him. Only a few minutes ago she had sworn to herself that she would never, ever tell him and that moving back to London would be the final step to get over him - and now there she was, breaking.

Hotch had his eyebrows furrowed as he glared down at her, his mind replaying the words that had just left her mouth over and over again.

"You regret it?", he then asked, his voice harsher than he had intended it to be.

Emily drew in a sharp breath and nodded slightly. "Yes."

"Are you being serious right now?", Hotch's voice was low, but filled with anger. "You pushed me away - twice - and you've had so many chances to talk to me and now, that I am finally starting to move on, you tell me that you've made a mistake and that you can't stand seeing me with someone else?!"

"Aaron, I -"

"For years I have been right here, wanting nothing but you to come around again! When you returned that day, after over a year, I told myself to not fall for you again because it would only hurt more - but I did - and for a second, I actually believed that you did, too. But you proved me wrong and ended things again before we could even get a bit more serious, so I thought that this was it. You showed me more than once that I am probably not enough for you and now you tell me that I am the reason you want to leave again?!"

"See? This is why I didn't want to tell you!", Emily exclaimed. "You pushed me tonight, and I know that there are no excuses that would justify my actions during the past few months - but I was willing to keep that to myself and to take it to London with me, in order to bury it forever instead of telling you - so don't put all the blame on me now! And for the record - you were always more than enough for me!"

"Then why did you push me away?"

"Because I was afraid of hurting you!", she replied. "I would never in a million years dare to put you through the same things again; for me, it was your heart on the line all the time!"

Hotch's heart was racing; he couldn't believe what was happening in that moment. On the one hand, he should be happy - right? He still loved her, and now she had finally admitted that she still had feelings for him, too. However, on the other hand, he found himself growing insanely mad. He wasn't some sort of train station she could just walk in and out on, after all, and though he knew that she would never do so on purpose, she had treated him like that in the past few months.

"So what's happening next?", he sighed, overstrained beyond limits.

"Nothing is going to happen", Emily concluded. "Tomorrow, I'll accept Interpol's offer and leave the BAU for good. This way we both can move on and won't ever have to see each other again. I'm sorry for leading to so many problems."

"Emily, please -"

"It's fine, Aaron", she interrupted him. "Just let it be. You deserve better than this."

Before he could reply, she had climbed into her car. Stunned, he took a step back as she started the motor and watched her take off almost helplessly.

Was she right? Had their final end arrived now?

Though all he really wanted was to finally be with Emily again, to actually marry her and have a family with her one day, the doubts on his mind held him back. There was a reason why they were in that exact situation, after all, and what if it wouldn't work out again? Regarding this point, trying to move on with Beth was probably the safer choice.

But didn't the fact that he had to tell himself to like Beth already give away enough? What if he'd never grow into liking her and what if he'd be the one to regret letting Emily go in the end?

Emily had troubles to unlock the door to her apartment; all the tears were blinding her sight. This hadn't went the way she what she had intended it to go, she had wanted to leave Quantico in peace, not in even more pain.

Considering herself lucky that she still hadn't unpacked most of the boxes in her apartment, she rushed over to her bedroom, carelessly stuffing all her clothes in her suitcase. As soon as Interpol would reply, she would take the next flight over to London and she wanted to be prepared for that.

She knew that she owed her team an explanation, but she didn't want to drag Aaron even further into this, so she'd just tell them that the new offer was too good to pass. They probably wouldn't buy that, but she had no other option.

Trying to mend her aching heart by telling herself that this would be the best for Aaron, and maybe for her at some time, too, she finally let herself sink on her bed. When had everything gotten so messy? How had Aaron managed to turn her into such an emotional person? Ever since her first heart-break at the age of 16, she had never let emotions get close to her again - until she had encountered with him for the very first time.

It would end soon, it just had to. It had to in order for them to finally heal and there was no way around it as things couldn't continue this way.

Every ending was also a new beginning, Emily had always told herself. And in that exact moment, she hoped more than ever that this would be true.