Innocent ✔️

Two

Hours and hours passed and I was still cold, sitting on the window seat and nothing happened. Nobody came to check up on me as if I was just invisible in here. I kept writing messages and messages for my mother. Maybe she will talk with god and make him make it more easier for me. Well he? I hope so.

It's been a day that she sent me up here I think and I knew I should feel hungry or thirsty but I didn't. It wasn't that bad to sit in my room with my mom and talk to her when I knew she was listening but can't answer even if she wanted to.

I read the last message I wrote for her and draw three starts at the beginning. I loved this. It was how I felt exactly and I was so proud of myself to write her this. It wasn't like a usual message I used to write by telling her what happened exactly during the day. It was a message of my feelings without giving any details of what I was talking about.

"Anastasia?"

My brother.

I jumped off of my place, placing my diary on the window seat where I was sitting and ran to the door. I opened the door to finally see my brother's face. I smiled and ran toward him. He hugged me and spunt me around before putting me down and placed a kiss on my forehead.

He looked down at me, smiling wide but as soon as his gaze met my eyes, his smile slowly vanished and he managed to say lowly "what happened?"

"Nothing." I lied. I wanted to tell him everything. He was my older brother and I trust him with my life but I know the hell I am going through is nothing like what he is going through so why should I brother him with my own problems? Just his presence next to me makes me feel some sort of safety I was always feel just when he is around.

He wasn't even suppose to be here. I was grounded and if Miss Brooklyn saw him here, we both mind get more consequences and god knows if we'd handle it or no.

He slowly lead me in my room again, closing the door behind him before looking back at me with his sad blue eyes.

"Tell me." He said. His voice was so calm but his expression on his face were overwise.

"There's nothing wrong. I just remembered mom." He looked at me as if I was using this as an excuse to run away from the truth like always but somehow this time it was right. Sort of. "I mean today is the new year." I clarified.

He shut his eyes slowly, hating how sad I was and he knows he can't make it any better because he feels exactly the same way. He shook his head slowly and let out a long heavy breath than opened his eyes to look down at me.

"Look, mom now is with god-" I knew what he was going to say, I stopped him saying "no need to repeat the same things everyday, Kyle. I know what you are going to say. I know she is in a better place now and whatever but I still miss her. Three years ago was much hard for me to live, to breath, to sleep without feeling afraid but it was so easier than now when I am here without her, sleeping in a house of someone that hates me, feeling afraid of waking up tomorrow and not be able to face the consequences of hers. I am tired of living this life without her, Kyle. She was the only thing that made me strong, now I am so weak." My tears were so close to break free. I hate crying. I hate crying in front of him. I hate crying in general. It reminds me of how much I cried that day. How much she cried that day too. How I lost my voice for almost two weeks because of my screams. How I was in chock of what I saw; her blood, the kicks, the hits, the screams -

"Anastasia!" He spoke, taking me back to the present that I was running from. As soon as I looked at him, he pulled me in a tight hug. I was shaking, crying. I hate this.

"It's okay, Ana. Shshsh it's fine." He started to say things to calm me, caressing my back to bring me back to my normal state but it wasn't helping. Nothing could help me get over this. It's gonna always hunt me, forever the image of my mother bleeding in front of my eyes will be the only imagine left of her. The image of a monster killing her as if she was some dog in front of him. What kind of heart he had? And that cross. What it means? Why the three of them has it somewhere on their body? "It's gonna be okay." He whispered.