Innocent ✔️

Fifty eight

Anastasia's point of view

"Babe," a kiss got placed on my head. "Baby." I smiled. I missed this. I missed waking up to him kissing my face and softly calling me. I hummed, stretching. I kept my eyes closed waiting to feel any touch or any kisses or even hear anything but nothing.

I opened my eyes to meet his looking down at me with a small smile tugged on the corner of his lips. I giggled saying "what?"

"What?" He softly asked still looking at me sweetly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, putting my hands on my face to stop myself from blushing. After everything we've done together and even though I felt comfortable around him like I never was with anyone in my life, I still get shy when he looks at me that way.

"You're beautiful." He complimented me making me blush even harder, shut my eyes and kept my hands on my face. "Don't." He groaned and took my hands off. "I want to look at you."

"That's creepy Jackson!" I chuckled, sitting up to be on the same level of his eyes.

"I don't care." He said pecking my lips. "How is your...body." He asked, biting his lips. The smile I had on my lips vanished when I remembered what happened to me and all of sudden I felt like crying. I hated this. I thought the worse moment is living it but it's still just as bad when you remember it knowing that it's always going to be a memory and by far this was the worst memory I've ever had.

I forgot about Jackson's question and scooted closer to his body, opened his arms and laid on his chest. His arms formed around me, bringing me on his lap, holding me close. I shut my eyes not wanting to cry knowing that as much as I show my emotions about the situation, it makes Jackson to be even more hurt.

His fingers digged in my hair and started to play with it to relax me. I loved any kind of touch he gives. It makes me want to be closer for as long as possible. The only thing I was thinking about was if Jackson didn't go to Jonathan's then where was he? As far as I know, Jackson wouldn't hide something from me unless he knows it will hurt me.

But at the same time, if I properly think about it, why would I even care? If Jackson killed him then he did it for me then why would I even care?

"I read your diary." He broke the silence and made me wide my eyes. What diary?

I sat down and looked at him frowning. My heart was beating faster now. I tried to think of anything to say but nothing came out.

"You know, your diary!" He tried to explain with a small smile.

"Oh okay." I started. What should I even say? He read everything. Since the day of my mother's death till the day I left his house. That means that he read what I think, all my thoughts that nobody knows and nobody would have known. I wanted to be mad at him and yell but I can't. He read everything I wrote about him and I don't know if I should even be mad or happy that he did. He should know it. He should know every thought I had about him but it is just embarrassing. "What did you read?" I tried to show him I don't care even though my reaction didn't show that at all.

He chuckled and pulled my arm so I fell back on him then said "everything." He kissed the top of my head then said "everything you didn't want to tell me."

He read what I thought about him at first when I came here. How bad I think he was and how far I wanted to be from him. But he also read about our first kiss, first sex, first touch and all my thoughts about them. I felt my cheeks burning and I bite my lip to hide my smile.

"And?" I asked.

"I don't know why you didn't tell me." He said making me frown.

"About what?" I asked.

"Your mother's death." He said.

Didn't I tell him? I told him about my mom.

"I did." I insisted.

Even if I didn't tell him, it is something I hate talking about so, not that it doesn't bother me or that I'm hiding something, it's just a subject I hate talking about. Plus it isn't like I am going to talk about it to everyone around me. It isn't something to talk about to everyone.

"You told me who killed her but didn't tell me how she got killed. You didn't tell me you lived it all and saw it with you eyes. You didn't tell me how much it bothers you and those nightmares back there was all about it." He said, rubbing my hair.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn't want to talk about it and even thought he knew, I wanted him to act like he didn't. I wanted him to just hold me not talk at all. All I wanted was to be close to him and spend time with him again, help me sleep, help me think, make me forget all what happened to me the few days ago.

"I hope I can read your mind sometimes." He said obviously wanting to know about what I was thinking at the moment.

"Me too." I emitted a long breathe and grabbed his shirt tight, wanting to stay in his arms for as long as possible.

A part of me was grateful the conversation ended but another part wanted him to talk. A part of me was happy he changed the subject and distracted me from what he did to Jonathan but another part hated the fact that he reminded me of what happened to my mother.

I always confuse myself and he never fails to add thoughts to my brain and confuse me more.