Innocent ✔️

Fifty nine

Jackson's point of view

Having Ana in my arms again was something I've been hoping for for so long. But I hated what happened to her because of me. I probably think about this more than I think about anything else: the fact that she is always hurt because of me.

Sometimes I feel like she loves me more than anything in her world and that I make her the happiest person alive and some other times I feel like she feels so vulnerable, hurt and broken with me. I don't know which part to believe. She is so hard to understand sometimes. She is so locked up on herself and it frustrated me that she thinks more than she talk.

She doesn't understand that I'm not a mind reader and I don't know what is going on in her brain which I want to know. I never want to ask her because I know she isn't a huge talker but I want to know how she is going, how she feels and what's hurting her.

I told her though. I told her I hope I know what she was thinking and she only told me that she does too. I didn't ask but I didn't understand. What did she mean? She wants me to read her mind and her thoughts? If she does than why isn't she saying them out loud? What is stopping her?

I love her more than anything but she is just making it so hard for me to know her more. Hiding her mother situation makes me rethink about her feelings to me. Does she even trust me?

I know that she probably didn't tell a lot of people about it but it is me.

I sighed and laid back in bed, watching her sleeping. I hope I could have her like that forever. I hope I was able to protect her. I hope Jonathan never existed. Going to jail for Ana is worth it but the real question here is; how will she take it?

Will she even respect me anymore? Will she even trust me? I honestly wouldn't trust myself. I love her and wish for her the best.

I caught myself smiling at the way she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful which made me stop myself from moving when I thought about getting up.

I promise you Ana that I will do everything to make you happy and as much as I want to leave you, I am so selfish to even think about it so what I have is all yours and what I will do for as long as you love me, is do everything that makes you happy to make you forget everything.

Forget what happened to your mother.

Forget what happened with Jonathan.

Forget how much I hurt you.

Forget everything that hurts you in the years that passed in your life. Looking at her makes me see myself a better person and as much as I want her to change me as much as it scares me that she will give me on me one day.

Anastasia McLeod.

I smiled and kissed her forehead, pushing her hair off her face to watch her sleeping. I love this girl so much and nobody will ever take her from me ever again. Seeing her and being by her makes me so happy, makes me so...powerful.

She gives me this hope in myself that maybe my own days will be better. My future with her that keeps building in my skull makes me see how much my past has been shitty.

"I love you." I softly said and pecked her cheek, careful not to wake her up.

Saying that made me feel so good. It erased everything that happened to me before. I shut my eyes tight, seeing my mother's smile pop out in the dark.

"I know you Jackson and I know that you will find a girl that will make you feel loved." She caressed my cheek and kissed my forehead.

"But mum, I want to leave." I whined and jumped up and down, ready to leave for school.

I remember being happy. I remember smiling as a kid but where is the one that used to pick me up and pat my back and tell me to stop crying? Where are you mom?

When I was with Cassy, I remembered the same thing she said and I thought that this was the girl for me. And when I lost her all hope of finding another one, being able to love her as much as I loved Cassy was never something to believe. At the time, I didn't see that the love I had to Cassy was just a love of being rebel. I am not saying I never loved her because I did but what made me risk my life and hers to stay in love with her was my father's angry eyes looking at me while I talked about her or to her. And Jonathan's jealous eyes looking at me, wanting me dead right where I stand.

I never thought any girl would replace her until I saw Anastasia. From the first day I saw her I knew I would get attached but I never thought that I would love her that much. I never thought about wanting to give everything away to be a better person all to please her. I wanted to be the one she wanted me to be.

The guy in fairytales she talks about in her diary. The one that brings her flowers and kiss her under the rain. The one that hold her close while she sleeps and bring her soup and take care of her when she is sick. The one that makes her laugh and happy.

I am sure as hell not the prince charming that will take her behind him on the white horse but the one that could do anything just to see her smile. And I hope to be that one, without any care of what I should give away.

Terror and panic struck me when I imagined my life without her. I would never want that. I know that this will never be the case even though I know we will fight, I know I will hurt her and I know she will be wanting to leave me but I will always apologize and do everything to have her back.

Jonathan's death has been revealed at 6:00 AM the next morning.

I didn't flinch.

I didn't shed a tear.