Innocent ✔️

Forty five

Jackson's point of view

I took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. I turned around to lay on my back and opened my eyes.

I've been trying to fall asleep for almost three hours but it was like my body refused to. My body was too tired from thinking but my brain was welcoming more thoughts in that I tried to block them out as much as I can.

The fucked up thoughts that I'm having about him is making me nauseous. Regardless of my extreme jealousy, I sort of am relived that her brother is in the same house of her but her being with Jonathan is still wrong. So fucking wrong. I know it that he could do anything to hurt me, like he has this obsession of taking the people I care about away and kill them.

Having the image of his hands on Ana or him hurting her in any way gets me so weak, weaker that I ever thought I would be.

Knowing that she is in all this messed up situation because of me makes me want to just go back and treat her like a maid and only a maid. If I used to do that she would have still be here with me.

I got out of bed and walked downstairs. Every second of hitting the cold floor with my bare feet, walking toward the kitchen where I told Miss Robertson to leave make me want to drink even more than I drank earlier.

It was probably pass five because the light of the early morning is shown from behind the curtains I closed. This is it, that's how I will always be. Alone, in the dark, drinking and loosing my shit. I've never felt more alone in my entire life until she left as fast as she came.

I walked past the hundreds of empty bottles to the fridge and took out another one. I slide my back on the kitchen wall, twisting the top of then took the first sip of, probably, the seventh bottle, only today. I didn't even want to know how many I drank the past month.

"That's what you do, push everyone away by trying to win them." Miss Robertson's words rang in my ears making me grimace and wave my hand in front of my face, trying to push them away, not wanting to remember the long ass lecture she gave me before leaving, before telling her to leave.

I really am fucking drunk, maybe one more bottle will decreases the amount of guilt inside me from letting Ana get out with the asshole, called my brother. It will work this time. I know it will. Just one more bottle.

Just as I closed my eyes, trying to stop my thoughts, Ana's watery eyes flashed behind mine making me shoot my eyes open again.

"You hurt her. You pushed her away and you are waiting for her to come back and beg you to stay. It won't happen Jackson."

I would never admit that it was the truth falling down Miss Robertson's mouth but I knew it was. Her saying that I am just like my father, selfish, only thinking about myself and how to have everyone around him only to make him feel good about himself made me just break down. I don't want to be like him.

She called me a drunk. Am I? Probably but I don't know. I only drink to take away the pain but it doesn't seem to work anymore.

"You will end up alone. And you will regret every single second you had the chance to have someone but didn't." Fuck that, she's right and here is the proof, I am alone, sitting in the dark with a vodka bottle in my hand, drunk and weak, is it even possible not to be? I knew kicking her out and screaming at her to leave was my only defense, the only way to stop her words. I kicked out the last person I had in my life.

"Enough!" I screamed to no one. I can't deal with everything. Jonathan winning, Ana leaving, Miss Robertson's words, being alone. It was too much, even more than before.