Vague (Xiaoyang)

26. Out of control

What have I done? Xiaojun sat up in bed rubbing his face feeling the shivers hitting his body, his teeth were clenching against each other. That duvet he was lying underneath poisoned with germs, and his underwear and body, his palms.

Xiaojun jumped up storming through the room.

"What's up?" He heard Yangyang's sleepy tone, but he never answered running through the corridor to the nearest bathroom stripping off his clothes completely to fall under the shower opening the stream, grab the gel and rub his most intimate parts with effort. If Yangyang's saliva had been there it has definitely invaded his internal organs will slowly poison his whole body so he will die, as it carried foreign germs which whoever knows whoever has left there, Bell and some others for sure. Xiaojun's moves rushed and painful.

"Xiaojun what are you doing? Hey, you will hurt yourself!"

All hair on his body lifted at Yangyang's voice so he turned to see the boy standing in front of the shower watching him with regret and worry filled eyes.

"Leave from here, I'm naked," said Xiaojun reaching for more gel to rub it into this body part causing insane pain, the skin all along it was already bruised.

"Stop! Just freaking stop! I didn't do it to hurt you, I wanted you to be happy and pleased. Looks like I'm fighting a lost battle though," Yangyang's chin trembled, he suddenly turned leaving the bathroom slamming the door shut with impact while Xiaojun was standing there fighting with himself his hands still rubbing and rubbing until blood came.

"I knew you two will break up sooner than you have started dating. With me it wouldn't have happened," Hendery slammed his tray on the cafeteria table right across Xiaojun.

Yangyang hasn't spoken a word to him today, hasn't even spared him a glance and was sitting at another table with Bell and some people, so Xiaojun found a lonely table in the corner hoping no one will disturb him, but of course Hendery came.

"Hm? Have you two broken up?"

That question so painfully bringing glowing lava into Xiaojun's insides.

"Try harder," Yangyang's words from last night came to him.

"No, he didn't break up," said Xiaojun looking at Hendery.

"Looks like a major break up to me, the way he is acting."

Xiaojun shrugged. Shouldn't he apologize to Yangyang tell him it's his disease not him disgusted by what they have done, as him... he loved Yangyang's touch, his kisses, the softness of his oral love, falling asleep in his arms. Yes definitely the last one, was something he enjoyed the most.
He should speak to doctor Seo, ask for solutions, as it couldn't continue him being such a disappointing boyfriend. Today the medication was keeping him above the edge, yet he felt so worn out, his lower body in pain, it was uncomfortable during walking or even sitting. He hoped he hasn't harmed himself too much in this outburst. Yangyang looked up through the room, their gazes meeting sending a heatwave down Xiaojun's body. He nodded his head slightly lifting his fingers to send Yangyang a secretive heart sign. Yangyang chuckled, he flipped his hair back returning to the conversation with Lucas and Bell. Hendery must have noticed Xiaojun's gesture though, as his face clouded.

"Xiaojun I only want the best for you and I know Yangyang. Trust me he will leave you for Bell anytime. Don't get too attached you will be heartbroken."

"Sorry but I trust Yangyang," muttered Xiaojun reaching for his phone and earphones, to escape Hendery into the safe place of Yangyang's music.

Couldn't he go up to Yangyang's table and kiss his boyfriend, but he had no idea how Yangyang would react so he rather let it be, concentrating on the concert, ignoring Hendery's babbling. Maybe after the session he will have an opportunity to speak to Yangyang.

"You should visit a specialist, check if you indeed haven't harmed yourself," doctor Seo's face was serious.

"I'd be too embarrassed to show it to anyone, it will heal," Xiaojun blushed.

"Ask your boyfriend to accompany you... or, actually. I'm considering if it's not a better option for you to stay in some clinic for some time, where you could be under professional observation 24/7."

Xiaojun's heart began to pound loudly.

"I'm not crazy doctor Seo. I have those moments when it gets out of control but... I'm not insane."

"I know you aren't, you're extremely sensitive Xiaojun. Those clinics are filled with people who are too sensitive for this world."

"Doctor Seo, please give me one more chance. I will work harder, but please let me stay in the outside world with Yangyang and his family," Xiaojun looked at the doctor stunned by his own confident tone.

Doctor Johnny sighed, he was caressing his chin thinking hard, definitely weighing that decision and it's consequences.

"Ok Xiaojun, one more chance, but if an incident like the one last night occurs again I will have no choice but to send you to the clinic."

"Ok," Xiaojun nodded feeling a heavy burden lifting.

"Ok, see you in two days, take good care of yourself," doctor Seo's eyes carried worry.

"I will," assured Xiaojun getting up from the armchair storming out of the office.

He needed to find Yangyang and tell him about the threat of him becoming a full time patient in some locked in clinic. Yangyang had to understand how difficult it was for him to allow someone so close as much as he should know that Xiaojun will do everything possible and impossible to contain his condition and be there for him.

Thank you so much for your love. What are your thoughts about the chapter and doctor Seo giving Xiaojun one more chance to deal with his condition? Will he indeed succeed, will Yangyang understand?

Much <3