What is humanity, really? What makes humans different from every animal or beast out there? Is it our ability to love, to forgive? Or was it something else, something more? I liked to think it's our feelings, our emotions. The ones like empathy, sympathy, and acceptance. That's why some people are labeled sociopaths. They lose their morals, I guess they lose they humanity.
I heard footsteps approaching behind me. I assumed it was Mason, after all it'd been awhile since I'd run off and told him to leave me alone. I wanted to feel my true emotions, hurt, fear, and anger. Whenever he was around, touching me, all I felt was calm. I didn't want that because at the moment, I felt anything but calm. I had assumed it was him but it wasn't. I hadn't bothered turning around so when Austin appeared in the corner of my eye, I was more than surprised to say the least.
"Hey," He greeted me, smiling briefly before averting his eyes. I stared at him, taking in the things I missed most, the things I had longed to forget. It was still hard to believe he was now in front of me, alive. I remembered I used to dream about him, hoping he wasn't dead. I'd hope my parents weren't either.
"Seeing you... it's so..." I started.
"Hard?" He offered, taking a seat beside me on the large rock. "You too, you've grown so much," replied, nodding his head for no particular reason.
"Where were you?" I asked, switching the course of the conversation.
"I was everywhere you were. At least during the day. At night I'd come home and sleep then I'd be back at it again. I know it's kind of stalkerish but seeing you and AJ even from a distance was better than not seeing you at all," Austin explained to me.
"I didn't mean that. I meant the day our parents were murdered," I stated, tapping my fingers lightly against the cement.
"I was angry so I took a walk," Austin answered after a short pause.
"Why? Why couldn't you-" I stopped, holding back whatever emotion was coming through my words.
"Why couldn't I had what? Stayed? And did what exactly? If dad couldn't possibly save himself let alone mom, what do you think I could've done?" Austin questioned, anger beginning to coat his voice.
"That's not what I meant," I told him quietly, almost ashamed.
"That's exactly what you meant. You were just too much of a coward to say it," He told me.
"Fuck you," I bit, moving off the rock.
"You know it's true. That's why you're getting mad. You're angry at me because I'm alive and not them. You're angry at me because I had the guts to tell you exactly how you are. For years you've pushed people away, untrusting. Hell, you almost pushed Mason away and would've succeeded had it not been for the mate's pull," Austin pressed.
"I'm the coward? You are. You waited years to finally show your face. To ease the hurt and the pain you caused when you took your life away," I couldn't help but raise my voice.
"I didn't know how to. I didn't know how you'd take it," He stressed.
"But you know now. You think we'd take you being alive after almost 10 years well," I snapped back.
"And so what? You wish I was still dead? Not happy to see your big brother?" He asked, I could hear the hurt coming from his voice but I was relentless, "I wasn't ready for you to come back. I was just accepting your death. I was just forgetting the nightmares of seeing your blood splattering against my cheeks as you blew your brains out."
"I'm sorry you didn't get your way. Sorry that my being alive is such an inconvenience to you,
He spat, jumping off the boulder.
He went to walk away but I stopped him. Grabbing his wrist, I held on. His icy blue gaze stared me down intensely, forcing me to do what I hadn't done often in several years. I cried. Tears just came pouring down my face as I muttered, "Sorry", several times. He held me as I wept in his shoulder. We had both said hurtful things but I couldn't help but feel even worse. He was right, I was a coward. I eventually stopped crying. I hated the feeling of sadness, it was foreign to me.
"Grandpa is looking for you," He said after a few minutes of silence. "He doesn't want to discuss what's going to happen to AJ without you being there," He continued.
"You're call that man grandpa? And what do you mean to AJ? Don't you mean to you? You're the oldest," I sniffled, moving away from him.
"You're quick to throw me under the bus but not AJ?" Austin asked, offended.
"AJ is still just a kid. He can't possible take charge of a cult or pack or whatever. You'd have a better chance," I quickly explained.
"Lucky, I'm not a full werewolf. Only half. I can only shift on full moons and even then I can't control myself. Of the three of us, AJ is the only one who got the full gene," Austin confessed sadly.
I took in the information, not entirely surprised by it. AJ would inevitably have to leave. At least that's what I was being told. That man took everything from me, and I'd be damned if he took my brother too. Stepping past Austin, I hurried back towards the house. I hadn't strayed too far so I was there in no time.
Everyone sat in the living room, even Mason. AJ was talking to that man as if they were long lost family. Which technically they were, but that's not how I saw it. As soon as I closed the door behind me, all eyes turned in my direction.
"You need someone with Alpha blood correct?" I questioned the man abruptly, skipping all introductions.
He was silent for a moment, assessing me with his eyes. I didn't want to read too much into them. I needed to tell him what I had come up with and be done with it. After a few moments he responded, "Yes."
"And they need to be a werewolf?" I continued. As soon as he nodded a response I blurted my proposition out, "What if I were to do it? Or is it against your cult thing to have a female lead?"
Shocked gasps sounded around the room as my announcement rang in everyone's ear. Mason stood up abruptly, walking towards me with a deep frown on his face. I ignored him, focusing my attention on the man.
"You're human though," He replied.
"But if I were a werewolf, I would take AJ's place, your place?" I questioned, hoping.
"Potentially, yes," He nodded, confirming my suspicions.
"And how in the world do you plan becoming a damn werewolf?" Scar asked, shooting out of her seat.
That's when I finally turned to Mason. Taking a deep breath, I informed him of my plan, "You're going to turn me."
